SHINRA Secrets Are Nothing To Janitors
by LiulfrLokison
Summary: Being a janitor in SHINRA isn't all that bad. Good pay, decent accommodation, and of course being witness to the chaos that occurs. The only problem was having to clean up the mess later, but that's what being a janitor is about. Keith didn't take this job to just spy on people (although he could get millions off what he saw everyday). Series spun off 26 Sentences Of Zack.
1. Chp 1: Jelly Prank Revenge

_Hi guys! If you've read my other FFVII work, 26 Sentences Of Zack, then you might have read how I wanted to do a spin off series involving the head janitor Keith. I ended up writing the first chapter (and accidentally spawning other chapter ideas with the helpful input of my sister), so I've decided to finally post it up for you guys to read!_

 _Keith: I did so enjoy getting revenge on Fair, but of course there is always other messes to clean up.  
Liulfr: Well, I enjoyed writing you too.  
Keith: LiulfrLokison does not own any characters or places that you might recognise, she only owns me so far, and if any new characters turn up, then they are her property too._

 _Enjoy the chapter!_

 **SHINRA Secrets Are Nothing To Janitors**

 ** _Chapter 1: Jelly Prank Revenge_**

-o0o-

Keith was not amused.

Not at all.

Zack Fair's latest prank had caused complete and total disaster for all of the building, and had every single janitor under Shinra's employ working around the clock to clean up the mess.

Somehow, and without anyone noticing, the 2nd Class SOLDIER had managed to coat a vast majority of the main hallways of every floor that he had access to, with several thin layers of clear jelly. It had blended so well into the tiled floor that the only way someone would realise it was there without first stepping into it, was because a small part of the floor was that was higher than the rest.

But seriously, who looks down at their feet when they're walking?

(Besides the people who always hide their faces when making their way through the halls).

The first person to fall victim had been a clumsy infantry man finishing his night shift, and had thought nothing of it as he was completely exhausted. He hadn't noticed the small patch of jelly that had become lodged into the treads of his boots, and had only noticed it when he found a melted patch of gelatine on the floor before his next shift.

The second person (and the first to actually realise there was jelly involved) was Professor Hollander. The portly man had promptly landed on his ass once stepping on a patch, somehow still clutching onto his folder containing some information concerning an experiment (but **of course** Keith wouldn't have known about its contents). The scientist had immediately found the jelly smeared onto his shoes, and swiftly informed the next janitor he ran into.

Although, by that time most of the employees had come to work.

Throughout the day new patches of the jelly were found and reported to the janitorial staff.

Keith, being the head janitor, had to co – ordinate the janitors throughout the building so that their cleaning didn't interfere with the normal everyday occurrences, like meetings and classes for the cadets.

Needless to say, he had to call more janitors in who were on their day off, as they were clearly understaffed for this clean up.

No one was happy, many employees gained new bumps and bruises from when they fell. The worst injuries had been someone nearly gaining a concussion when a Turk had collided with a secretary, who had been carrying coffees at the time, which gave the Turk minor burn marks and a ruined suit.

All evidence lead it to being Zack Fair who had created this prank, the teenager had been too quiet the day before.

Now they knew what he had been up to, and Keith was bent on gaining revenge.

In fact, it was rather simple.

Being the head janitor of the entire Tower, Keith had a master key for every office, bathroom, apartment, break rooms, garages and elevators, even the weapon storage rooms.

The only problem was that he needed Zack to be distracted in order to carry out the janitorial staff's vengeance.

Keith was especially mad as that day was supposed to be his day off. His first day off in four months, as Zack's barrage of pranks had made him miss each and every one of those days that he only had once a month.

Luckily a certain silver General owed him a favour.

You see, being the head of the janitorial staff meant that when the SOLDIER's created a mess, Sephiroth was the one to call him up. The guy had him on speed dial for crying out loud!

So the moment Sephiroth had called him up at six in the morning from his office (the guy seriously needed to wake up at a reasonable time and not before the crack of dawn), Keith had known some serious shit had gone down. Sephiroth only called when something needed to be cleaned, and when he texted Keith, it was more to arrange a time to meet up than actual work related stuff.

He could remember the conversation even now, word for word.

 _"Let me guess, Zack again, isn't it?"_

 _"I'm terribly sorry about this Keith, but this time his prank has affected a vast majority of the tower. It looks like this will be a large mess to clean up. I will negotiate with President Shinra about giving you an earlier vacation than originally planned if you want."_

 _"No, no, don't. It's fine. It's not like I had anywhere I wanted to go. I'll just have to push my day off back again. I'll be at the Tower in ten."_

 _"Once again, I'm sorry Keith. If there's anything I can do to repay you, just let me know."_

That, was exactly what he needed.

Whipping out his PHS, Keith soon had Sephiroth on the line. (He knew the man didn't have a meeting at this time, so it would be perfectly fine to call him up).

"Mornin' Seph. Look, about that favour . . ."

-o0o-

It was midday when they heard the scream.

Well, it was more like a shriek than a scream, it had been so high pitched that the enhanced SOLDIER's had all covered their ears with grimaces on their faces. Sometimes enhanced senses weren't the best.

It was five minutes before they found the source of the blood curdling scream that had many people's hair standing on end, and the reason for the scream was quite amusing.

One Zack Fair was found unconscious on the floor of the lounge in his shared apartment, having fainted after screaming at the sight that had most people muffling their laughter behind their hands.

There, in the center of the lounge was a large pile of clothing, all belonging to the unconscious SOLDIER, each and every piece was dyed a vile murky yellow the colour of the notoriously famous toads of Gongaga.

Everyone who knew Zack, were well aware of the fact he was terrified shitless of those toads, as he tended to be the victim of the amphibians many times in his youth. Even the sight of the colour was enough to set him off.

The story quickly spread throughout the building, and Zack was embarrassed enough that he barely came out of his room for days.

It seemed that Keith's vengeance had worked to perfection!

All that went downhill when they found the rubber band slingshots in the break rooms that were set off the moment you opened the cupboard doors.

Zack had started pranking again.

-o0o-

 _A/N: So yeah, there you go! I'll probably start writing up the next chapter some time soon. If you are curious to what Keith looks like, I'll chuck his profile up in the next chapter, so let me know if you want that. Any criticism is gratefully accepted, so let me know what you thought?_

 _And if you have any prompts for a chapter, let me know and I'll see what I can do! (Chapters will range from crack, to relationships, friendships and stuff, so I'm open to suggestions!)_

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	2. Chp2:HellHathNoFuryLikeAPissedOffJanitor

_Okay, so I got a little ahead of myself and wrote the second chapter. Thanks to redheadturkey, I was able to actually write the start of the chapter. We get some Reno action into the series!_

 _Keith: Reno's a good kid, has a good head on his shoulders.  
Liulfr: I enjoy him, Reno is basically comedy in a nutshell. _

_Keith's profile is going to be at the end, I rather give you the chapter first._

 _Keith: LiulfrLokison of course does not own any characters you recognize, but if she did I'm pretty sure she would have put me into the franchise._

 ** _Chapter 2: Hell Hath No Fury Like A Pissed Off Janitor_**

-o0o-

Reno had been both saddened and glad that he had been on that mission in Junon.

As fun as it would have been to watch the chaos that had ensued during Zack's jelly prank, it would have been terrifying to be in Keith's presence.

"He dyed all of my clothes, all of them! How do you even dye black clothes that colour?"

Oh yes, back to the culprit in hand.

"Look Zack, when it comes to Keith, no one questions how he does stuff. He's just that awesome."

Zack pouted at this, clearly he hadn't been around Keith enough to understand that the guy defied logic.

For some reason Zack gave a startled gasp, eyes widening and he actually jumped over the couch to hide behind it. Wondering what on Gaia could have spooked the normally bubbly teen, the red headed Turk glanced over his shoulder, to find himself looking up at a pair of bright blue eyes framed by ash blonde hair, and a smile on their face.

"Why thank you Reno, it's nice to know I'm appreciated." Keith gave him a toothy grin, hands tucked into the pockets of his blue janitorial uniform. "Hey Boss, I think you've managed to terrify Zack at the mere sight of you. That's a feat in itself." Reno couldn't help but smile back, Keith was a pretty cool guy once you got to know him (unless you pissed him off before you even met him, then it was hard to earn the man's friendship).

"He incurred my wrath, I'm surprised he didn't faint. The last guy who pissed me off that bad still faints every time he sees me, and it's been half a year already." Oh right, that had been one of the budgeting department's group leaders, Connors. The guy was a complete asshole to everyone under him, especially the janitors who he thought was the lowest of the low.

Connors had been harassing the janitors on his floor to the point that those janitors had gone to Keith to complain. Keith was basically the mother hen to the janitors, and if someone messed with his people, then may the Goddess have mercy on your soul if you are the one he is coming for.

What made it worse for Connors was when Keith had come down to give him what he deserved, the man had purposely dropped a broken ink cartridge from a printer onto the carpet, right in Keith's presence. Now Keith hadn't been pissed about the ink that had gotten splattered on his uniform, but at the fact Connors had stained the carpet that had just been installed since the man had been whining about the tiled floor so much, that they decided to get the carpet installed just to shut him up.

No one dared to speak of what happened that day, the few witnesses still shuddered at the mere mention of 'The Ink Spill'.

"Well, I've got to clean up another coffee spill on the 10th floor, Kristine's promised cake, I'll save you some." Keith gave Reno a casual pat on the head before heading towards the elevators, humming a tune as he strode off with a skip in his step.

Clearly he was enjoying Zack's terror at his presence.

It took a few minutes after Keith had left before Zack crept out from behind the couch, a curious expression on his face as he sat back down next to Reno.

"How are you two friends? You make pranks as much as I do. Wouldn't that piss him off?" Reno did make pranks much like Zack's, but not as often since he had the occasional mission that took him out of the city. "We actually used to be at each other's throats, believe it or not." Reno commented, enjoying the absolute shock that blossomed on Zack's face, who was clearly astounded at that information.

"You've heard the rumours about the Month Long War, right?"

Zack nodded vigorously, it was a legend among the Shinra staff, only a select number of people knew the truth behind it and had very little details about what had occurred.

"It happened five years ago . . ."

 _Reno hadn't meant to start a war. It just sort of, happened._

There was an unspoken rule around Shinra that everyone was aware of.

No one, but a janitor, could enter a janitor's closet.

There had been many incidences were some of the various staff throughout Shinra raided the closets for a mixture of reasons. The worst reason was the few drug addicts who stole some of the cleaning supplies as a substitute for drugs that they could no longer afford.

Once Keith was appointed as head janitor in his third year of working for Shinra, he petitioned the President for the janitor closet's to have both key and card locks in order to keep employees that should not be in there, out. After a whole week of discussion, the President had been convinced and had all janitor closets fitted with a new card key locks and the janitors were issued card keys. It hadn't taken a huge chunk out of the custodian budget, as Keith had found a cheap business to do the locks for them (they had cheap prices but excellent locks).

Since then, everyone knew about that rule.

All except for Reno, who was recruited by the Turks five years later.

After one year of training, Reno had been promoted from probationary Turk to a Junior Turk.

He had just come back from a mission with his senior partner Rude, (It would take him some time to get used to the silent, sunglasses – wearing bald Turk) and he was due to report back to Tseng, the Turk Director's Second in Command.

Except he had a problem, there was a blood stain on his white shirt and Tseng barely tolerated the way he was wearing the uniform already. To turn up to report with a blood stain on his already sloppy uniform, he didn't want to know what the older man might do to him.

Living in the slums had taught him there were a variety of ways to get blood stains out of clothing, and he had an hour before he was due to report allocated to recovery time (Tseng wasn't that cruel to make him report straight away). The janitor's closet would certainly have spray bottles and hydrogen peroxide, one of the female Turks had a hair dryer in her desk that he could probably borrow.

Picking the lock on the janitor's closet was easy, and the card key lock was a breeze (Reno was very good with electronics), so he got to work.

Twenty minutes later his shirt was stain free but damp from the hydrogen peroxide solution. He had placed all the tools he used back perfectly, but on his way out he had accidentally knocked a bucket with his foot. He was so focused on getting his shirt dry that he missed it, and that would come back to haunt him days later.

You see, the janitor assigned to the Turk floor was none other than David O'Neil, and he was completely OCD about how his closet was arranged.

So when he next came into his closet to clean up yet again another coffee spill (whenever the Turks got rowdy someone's coffee cup got knocked over), he could easily tell someone had gone into his closet and used his supplies.

Keith was notified of this incident immediately, and that had sparked the war between the Janitors and the Turks.

The following month had been hell for the Turks.

The janitors refused to do anything on the Turks floor, the bathrooms reeked, half the lights were either broken or flickering, the printers were always empty of either ink or paper (and they couldn't use the other floors printers as the information was too delicate for the eyes of other departments).

The Turks somehow plowed through the problem, some buying scented sprays to ignore the stench of the bathrooms, they kept a supply of printer paper and ink locked in a safe, and they replaced the lights themselves.

The janitors raised the bar higher when they messed with the computer and printer software, a few of the janitors were tech orientated, and the ones that mostly repaired the appliances in break rooms.

The Turks managed to combat this with the few Turks in the department that were hackers, repairing the software after hours of going through codes and numbers (the janitors had done a number on the electronics).

But the absolute breaking point was when the janitors messed with the Turks coffee.

The Turks required a much different coffee than the normal office worker, they imported a special brand of coffee that had enough caffeine in it that a normal person would probably get heart burn from a single sip.

So when the janitors replaced their special coffee with the worst tasting, most decaffeinated coffee they could find in all of Midgar, the gloves were off.

The Turks had actually been very close to drawing their guns on the janitors, when the President stepped in.

None of the Turks had actually thought to ask the janitors why they had started the war in the first place, they had all been busy trying to solve the problems the janitors caused. Once the issue was addressed, the security tapes had been reviewed and they found out Reno had been the source of the problem.

Now the culprit in question had been out in Junon as a follow up of his previous mission when there had been more evidence revealed. So the moment Reno stepped back into the Tower, he had been thrown to the wolves.

The Junior Turk had suffered two whole months of working under the janitors, but by the time the first month had rolled past, he found himself learning more information than he could from them than the Turks (the janitors were better at eavesdropping than the Turks). The second month he worked under Keith, and gained a new friend who was perfectly fine with turning a blind eye to some of Reno's pranks as long as he was informed about them beforehand.

 _From that day on, every single janitor closet had printed on the door that no one, but a janitor, was allowed inside._

"So that's why that rule is up there. I've always wondered about that." Zack had been smiling all the way through the story, clearly enjoying it but knew that he should never cross the janitors again.

"Basically no one but a janitor is allowed in a janitors closet, or hellfire will rain down upon the building. That is a direct quote from Keith himself." Reno couldn't help but grin as he said this, there had been several attempts to break into janitor's closets, the source of which being dares between the SOLDIER cadets. Those few had been punished severely and threatened with expulsion from the course, mostly by the Turks as they all knew the horrors of having the janitor's ire focused on them.

"So Keith is perfectly okay with you pulling pranks around the building? What about the others?" Because, in a Tower built just over 60 floors high, there couldn't be only two pranksters in the building.

"They talk to Keith. It's an arrangement between us all. He calls it the Prank Network. I usually go to him with requests, and get paid a fee. Sometimes for favours, sometimes for gil. It's more of a business arrangement really." And it paid off well too, he had several favours from other Turks as well as some SOLDIER's (whose names will not be mentioned), and any gil he earned mostly went to weapon maintenance. The best thing he had ever gained from the arrangement was several bottles of whiskey from a SOLDIER cadet whose parents owned a brewery.

But of course he shared the spoils with Keith, the man sometimes got his janitors involved, who would happily open doors as long as they got to see some stuck up suit get their just desserts. Most pranks were revenge against higher – ups who got too big for their breeches.

Keith very rarely participated in the pranks himself, but when he did, he showed no mercy on the victim.

"How come I haven't heard about this? If you've got a whole network, surely someone must have noticed." Now that, was something that Keith had thought about thoroughly, he didn't want to have more eyes on him than he already did. "If someone finds out, and they rarely do, we offer them a heads up when a prank near their floor or department is going to happen so they don't get caught in the crossfire. It's a very efficient system." So far they had ten people who knew about the network that wasn't a prankster themselves, although they did sometimes ask for a prank on colleagues that they hated. Just because they weren't directly involved didn't mean they couldn't become an asset.

"Huh, that's actually rather good. Can I join?"

Actually, Reno had been tempted to bring up that specific matter with Keith, but every time that he wanted to talk about it, Zack had pulled off a large prank on Keith's day off. That, would not help the Puppy SOLDIER's case at all.

"Zack, it will take a miracle for you to be accepted into the Network. You have no idea how much you've pissed Keith off." Reno couldn't help but shake his head, it would take a ton of bribes and apologies for Zack to even get Keith to think about letting him in. "What did I do to piss him off that much?" Keith very rarely used a person's fears to get revenge, that was a well known fact among the SHINRA employees.

"You pulled large scale pranks on his day off, all in a row in four months. Especially this month, he had to call janitors who weren't even on duty that day. If you don't pull off any large pranks for a couple of months, he might cool down enough for me to ask him. So please, stick to small stuff for a while."

Zack looked a little upset at this, he enjoyed pranks that had a big effect, but if he wanted to join the Network, he would have to down size them.

"Alright, I'll try."

It would be very interesting to see what Zack could bring to the Prank Network.

-o0o-

 _A/N: I felt like I didn't fully achieve what redheadturkey wanted, so the next chapter (which I am going to start soon) is going to focus on Junior Reno!_

 _Keith Kogane  
Height: 6'5  
Hair colour: Ash Blonde  
Eye colour: Blue  
Age: 35_

 _I based Keith's appearance off Keith from Voltron Legendary Defenders (the redone version on Netflix). Basically imagine that Keith with ash blonde hair and blue eyes, his hair is basically the same, but he has a small ponytail on the left side (just because I have a thing about long hair)._

 _I'll be giving out more little snippets about Keith in other chapters, if you want to know more about his back story!_

 _Hope you enjoyed, and if you have any ideas about a chapter you want to see, please let me know and I'll see what I can do!_

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	3. Chp 3: Reno Sort Of Gets A Father Figure

_Hi guys, here's the third chapter (took me a little longer than I expected). We get more interaction with Junior Turk Reno and Keith! And I keep getting random prompts so I've got a lot of back up ideas for chapters. Thank you to those who favorited or followed (sorry for not putting your names up, it's 2:09AM here and I am just feeling lethargic)._

 _Keith: Yep, and she's creating more and more background characters.  
Liulfr: But they're so fun to make! Plus, they'll make it the chapters more entertaining!  
Keith: Alright, alright. So Liulfr doesn't own any character you recognize, but she does own me and any new characters that will pop up in later chapters._

-o0o-

 ** _Chapter 3: Reno Sort Of Gets A Father Figure_**

 **(Chapter for redheadturkey)**

 **Prompt:** redheadturkey:I always suspected as a Junior Turk that Reno was just as bad as Zack in the prank department but somehow I suspect he and Keith would get along despite that lol. Love to see some interactio between them as well, and keep writing!

-o0o-

Being a Junior Turk wasn't that much different than being a probationary Turk, only that he got to take on small missions that had very little chance of failure. He still had to take those boring classes (not that they actually were, but it was the trainers that were tiresome to Reno), the only one he enjoyed was firearms training with Tseng. Tseng was the only Turk that had the time to train Reno with different firearms as well as improve his already excellent aim.

So when Tseng informed Reno that he was going to be out for at least a month with the Turk Director for a classified mission, Reno was very close to weeping. Tseng's lessons were the only good part of the week for him, and he knew stories from the other Turks about the other firearms instructors. He really did not want to train under them.

"Unfortunately none of the other firearms instructors are available, they've been allocated to the infantry for the next three months." Well, that was a light in the dark, which meant the other Turks would have to train him!

"I will find someone to fill in for me for your lessons. I hope that you will take your training seriously while I am away."

"Of course sir!"

Reno was looking forward to his firearms training, maybe he could persuade the Turk training him if he could use a machine gun!

-o0o-

It turned out, that his instructor wasn't another Turk.

It was Keith Kogane, the head janitor.

Not that he didn't like the guy, Keith was a fun person to be around once you got to know him, but what experience did the guy have with firearms?

"Morning Reno. Tseng told me the details. Let's get started, shall we?" Keith wasn't dressed in his usual janitor blues, but instead he wore a pair of worn out blue jeans, a black wife beater and a pair of comfortable boots (that were rather similar to the standard issue SOLDIER boots). While Keith was tugging on some tactical gloves, Reno gave the janitor a once over.

Without that baggy uniform, Reno could actually see the man wasn't as scrawny as the uniform made him seem, but made up of lean muscle that could only be obtained through years of constant training.

"I may not look like it, but I know how to handle a variety of guns." Reno quickly averted his eyes from Keith's arms and up to the man's face, a little embarrassed to find the blonde giving him an amused smile.

Great, he had caught Reno looking.

"Really? Care to give a demonstration?" Reno gestured to a target, 75 feet away from the firing line. Keith glanced to it, gave it a quizzical look before shrugging. "Okay, but earplugs in first." Both of them quickly plugged in the earplugs and slipped the earmuffs over their ears (standard procedure and all), before Keith grasped a Glock 31 .357 SIG.

Keith wasted no time, loading the magazine and firing three shots off in a rapid succession. He barely budged from the recoil, his stance steady and even much like Tseng's. Keith placed the safety on before placing the Glock down, giving Reno a grin as he took the earplugs out.

It was only when Reno got a closer look at the target to why Keith was grinning like a madman.

All three bullets had hit the target, one through the head, one through the heart and the last was through the crotch. Reno couldn't help but laugh at the last one, Keith just kept grinning the entire time.

-o0o-

"So, why did Tseng ask you to cover for me? I mean, there are plenty of other Turks that could have done it, not that I didn't enjoy today."

Keith raised an eyebrow at Reno's question, sipping at his drink while both of them sat in the break lounge outside the shooting range. "Because Tseng knew if another Turk took the lesson, they would baby you. You're the youngest Turk and I've seen how they look at you. You're like a little brother to them, and wouldn't push you to your limits." True, the female Turks always shared snacks with him, a few of the male Turks liked to ruffle his hair, and the tech – orientated Turks always sought him out for random chats.

Yep, they babied him.

Keith gave him a pat on the shoulder before throwing his can into the bin. "Enjoy it while you can, when you become a proper Turk they may not be able to show the same affection as they do now."

Yep, Reno was going to take advantage of being babied, he hadn't had exactly the best childhood, so he was going to take what he get while he could.

"So, where did you learn to shoot like that? You're as good as Tseng is!" At this, Keith gave a wry smile before settling back down into the couch. "Well, when you're counting on your aim being the one difference between life and death, you learn to aim properly pretty quickly. I started off with shotguns though, so it took a while for me to get used to handguns."

No one knew where Keith was from, apparently during the second year Keith had been working for SHINRA some files got shredded by a clumsy secretary who was fired immediately. Those files happened to be the personal information of some of the staff, and they had never gotten around to replacing those (because paperwork was the very existence of misery and suffering for everyone in the SHINRA building, and some people were lazy fucks).

But where on Gaia was a town that taught you how to use a shotgun first instead of a handgun?

That meant it had to be a hick town, but Reno didn't want to pry into Keith's past. He'd rather be on the man's good side, especially now that he knew the janitor was a crack shot.

"Alright, I've got floors to clean. Same time next week?"

"Yep, see you then."

He was so going to look forward to the next lesson with Keith, maybe the man would teach him how to use a shotgun?

-o0o-

When Tseng came back from the month long mission, he found himself completely bewildered at the reports he got back from the other Turks about Reno. He had expected the Junior Turk to cause mayhem as Tseng and Veld were the only ones Reno dared not anger, so without them in the building he had thought the red head would have gone loose.

But, apparently Reno had attended every lesson he was required to attend, full of energy and even smiling when he was given homework assignments.

It was just.

Odd.

However, his questions were answered when he saw Reno on his lunch break, enthusiastically chatting away to Keith in the janitor's office on the 35th floor.

So this was where Reno had been disappearing to every day . . .

"Oh, hey Tseng. How'd the mission go?" Keith was smiling, and that was even weirder. The man never smiled when he was in his office, the source of everyone's plight. The office was always filled with paperwork and requests that drove the man batty half the time, and it was the meeting place where Tseng, Sephiroth and Keith all let out their woes about subordinates, generally complaining about their shitty week.

"It was . . . pleasant." Tseng replied, slipping into the vacant seat on the leather couch, which so happened to be the one that Keith had been gifted from the President after the latest fiasco, in order to placate the janitor from going on a rampage.

"Judging from your tone of voice, the usual shit went down?" Reno didn't even seem surprised that Keith swore, the two of them must have really bonded over the four lessons, although Tseng had a feeling his Junior Turk had been seeing Keith outside those lessons as well.

"I'm not allowed to disclose the details, company policy." Keith rolled his eyes at this, the words were more for Reno than for Keith, Tseng loved to complain about his missions in the presence of Keith and Sephiroth.

They all did.

(SHINRA was too cheap to get psychiatrists, although if they pointed Keith in the direction of the President about the matter, Tseng was sure the janitor could get something done about it).

An awkward silence fell upon the three of them, until Reno began to slink towards the door.

"I'll leave you two to talk." It seemed being around Keith, Reno was sharper at understanding the atmosphere.

Once the door shut behind Reno, Tseng turned to Keith.

"Alright, what did you do to that boy?"

-o0o-

After that day (and a very interesting talk about company policy regarding firearms), Reno got sent to Keith a lot more than Tseng should have allowed him to.

As long as Keith kept Reno's pranks to a minimum, Tseng would turn a blind eye to the two's plots

However, he had to take notice when the pranks were cranked up a notch, mostly targeting the portly scientist, Professor E. Hollander.

The pranks ranged from random calls, rotting vegetables in the vents, stink bombs and the fire sprinklers going off. But when it reached the point of where there were big brown live rats running through the lab, then Tseng had to step in.

"Would any of you two, like to explain why I've heard screaming coming from the laboratories?"

Tseng glared down at the pair, both sitting on the floor in the mens bathroom of the Turk floor, hair and clothes completely soaked, the two were drenched to the bone.

Rounding up the rats had not been fun as someone had programmed a computer to play nothing but rock songs, sending the rats into a violent frenzy. Even when they tried to shut it off, the computer kept playing.

Keith had been called down to try help with the rats, and since people knew he was okay with some tech they hoped he could shut the computer off too. Except Professor Hollander had gotten so fed up with the entire thing, just as Keith and Reno appeared on the scene, the scientist ended up breaking the computer with a fire extinguisher and the sparks caused the sprinklers to go off . . .

The whole room was soaked and the rats ran out into the halls, a female scientist had fainted in the process.

Which lead them to the current situation.

None of the Turks where on the floor as Tseng sent them out to catch the rats as practice (all Turks had problems with catching tiny targets), so there was no one to disturb him from berating the two younger men.

"Um, it was, revenge. Sort of." Reno blurted out, sitting on his knees and his hands itched to get out of his wet clothing, his whole body tense.

Keith was the exact opposite, the ash blonde man was sitting with his legs crossed and reclining against the wall, wringing the water out of his clothes. He casually ran a hand through Reno's hair, completely ignoring Tseng's glare as Keith began to squeeze the water out of Reno's suit, shifting around to face the teen.

Reno was increasing trying to hide behind Keith, shifting on his knees to the point he was halfway behind the taller man. Tseng's eye was starting to twitch, glaring at Keith's side and the slowly withering Reno.

"Relax Tseng, Hollander deserved it."

Keith muttered nonchalantly, as if he hadn't just helped take part in the destruction of month's long research of experimental scientific projects. Not that Hollanders projects actually worked, but still.

He was pretty sure one of the trainee assistants was traumatized by the whole event.

"And what, justifies the pranks you have been playing on Hollander's laboratory for the past week?" Tseng was fighting the urge to grind his teeth, almost biting the inside of his cheek in order to stay calm. Keith could see he was annoyed and sighed, deciding it was easier to explain before the two of them caught their death of cold.

"Look, I stopped by one of Reno's scheduled mako appointments with Hollander, that pig doesn't even try to hide his disgust, and he called Reno a slum rat too. There was no way I couldn't take action after that, that's the reason why Hojo does Reno's mako injections now. Also, it's an absolute pain to clean up his lab every time an experiment causes a mess." Tseng was well aware of the clean up, Keith groaned about it every other month to both him and Sephiroth.

Tseng knew his pain.

Also, none of the Turk department would stand for someone messing with their Junior Turk, so in a way Keith and Reno saved them the trouble. He had no doubt the President would step in if the whole Turk department began to harass the scientist.

"Fine, I'll overlook it for now. Go get some dry clothes on."

Spinning on his heel, Tseng exited the bathroom with the door swinging shut behind him.

However, he did not miss Reno's whispering to Keith.

"Thanks Dad."

Tseng heard Keith scoff, and ruffled Reno's hair.

"Anything for you, brat."

-o0o-

 _A/N: Hope you enjoyed, let me know what you thought, and if you have any ideas you want to see, please tell me! I would be happy to try and see what I can do with your prompts! (Gonna go to bed now . . .)_

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	4. Chp4: Nicknames Cause A Lot Of Confusion

_So, a lovely person on AO3 by the name of Toyu gave me this prompt (wasn't really a prompt but a comment they made) and so this chapter was spawned. Keith enjoyed himself and I enjoyed writing it too. I got to introduce some new characters! (Sort of . . .)_

 _Keith: Well, yes, although I must say they have their charms . . .  
Liulfr: Okay, okay, let's get started.  
Keith: Alright, LiulfrLokison does not own any of the characters you recognise, besides me and the new characters she shall introduce in this chapter and future chapters. _

Prompt: Wait... So Keith is Reno's actual father or are they calling each other affectionate nicknames? Nevermind, I'm certain all will be revealed in further, equally shinanangin and funny filled chapters. Edit: and then I realize there are no more chapters...

 **Chapter Summary:**

 **Apparently Keith has a lot of kids . . .**

 **Chapter were Keith is the unofficial Dad of the SHINRA Tower.**

-o0o-

 ** _Chapter 4: Nicknames Cause A Lot Of Confusion_**

-o0o-

It was a normal day for the employees of SHINRA.

The sky was grey, secretaries were typing away (totally not spying for the fan clubs), Turks were doing what Turks did, and everyone was craving a good cup of coffee.

Yes, everything was the way it should be . . .

 **Except it wasn't.**

One adorable and completely bewildered Zack Fair was attempting to understand the situation unfolding before him.

For he had stumbled upon Reno, but instead of the red headed Turk being accompanied by his sunglasses wearing partner (because Rude was one of the few people who could reign the older boy in), his pranking buddy was clinging to a certain janitor and there was a whine in his voice.

"C'mon Dad, I even got Tseng to clear up the training room for you! I wanna test out my moves!" Reno had literally climbed onto Keith's back, wrapping his limbs around the man's torso like an octopus as the janitor strolled down the hallway, a toolbox in his hand.

"I told you brat, I need to fix up some busted wires in the VR room, the SOLDIER's are going to throw a fit if it's not repaired." The extra weight on Keith's back didn't even deter the man, it was like Reno wasn't even a burden, it was much like a son trying to plead with his father . . .

"Reno? Did you call Keith, Dad?"

Zack's voice made the two look up at him, both a little surprised to see him standing there but didn't give him an immediate reply.

Reno looked at Keith, who merely blinked and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't care, tell him what you want. I've got some angry SOLDIER's to placate." Keith easily plucked Reno off his back, setting the shorter boy onto his feet before continuing on down the hallway, completely nonchalant in leaving Reno to explain things.

Reno sighed but spun on his heel to face Zack, crossing his arms over his chest. "Yeah, I call him Dad. 'Cause that's what he is to me."

With that, he left Zack even more confused, dashing down the hallway screeching for Keith to wait up, yet again jumping onto the janitors back like an over eager child. Keith merely adjusted to the extra weight, reaching up and ruffling Reno's hair in an affectionate manner.

How could Keith be Reno's father? The guy didn't even look like he was in his late twenties!

Pondering this new mystery, Zack set off to find Angeal.

He needed a little stability after the shock of finding out Reno's dad was Keith.

How could someone as terrifying as Keith, have been a factor in the birth of someone as fun and spastic as Reno? It just didn't make any sense!

-o0o-

A week later and Zack was still reeling from the revelation of Keith being Reno's dad, but now he was even more confused.

He had been wandering through the Tower (because he had nothing to do while Angeal was off in the Northern Continent), and had somehow come across the PR department. Zack didn't even know they had a PR department . . .

When he caught sight of Keith through the glass doors of one of the offices, he immediately hid behind the nearest thing he could find, which happened to be a vending machine. (Zack had a theory that SHINRA got most profits from the vending machines throughout the tower, there was at least five on each floor!) Now, while some people would think Zack was stupid to hide from Keith even though it had been four months after the Jelly Prank Incident, Zack had finally learned some self preservation and avoided being in the same room as Keith without Reno or someone that knew how to prevent the janitor from giving him the glare of death.

Keith was still pretty pissed about missing his days off.

Peeking around the vending machine, Zack could see and hear (Goddess bless SOLDIER hearing) the conversation between Keith and a short light brown haired woman, who had red and gold streaks throughout her shoulder length hair. She barely reached the man's shoulder, a bright smile on her face as she chatted away about ideas for the next article SHINRA would be printing. Keith wore a smile that Zack could only define as 'maternal', patting the hazel eyed woman on the head before saying that he should get back to work.

At this, the woman immediately hugged Keith and grinned as she looked up at him, the janitor looked resigned to his face as he returned the embrace, muttering about clingy children.

"Have fun with work Pops."

Zack almost choked at this, dropping to his knees and tried to make himself as small as possible behind the vending machine, waiting until Keith had left the floor before letting out a deep breath.

So Keith had two kids? And that woman seemed as spastic as Reno, so he could somewhat see the resemblance . . .

"Why is this so complicating?" Zack whined before resting his head on his knees, he was certainly as curious as a puppy, and he needed to find out the truth.

But how to do so while avoiding being in Keith's presence?

It seemed like he had an investigation to begin.

-o0o-

After a whole month of investigating between training and missions, Zack had never been so baffled in his life.

It wasn't just Reno and that PR lady that called Keith their dad, he had encountered a Turk named Janus who referred to Keith as 'Pa', Susan Lance (a secretary on the tenth floor) called the janitor 'Pappy', there were at least eight janitors who called the man 'Father', as well as a couple of science interns he heard calling Keith as their 'old man'.

But when Zack heard Cloud, his sweet, adorable little chocobo trooper, call the man 'Baba' . . .

He flipped his shit.

And that was the reason why he had cornered Reno the next moment he saw the Turk, not at all scared of the fact that Keith was also in the room, watching with a curious expression.

"Reno, how many kids does your Dad have?"

At this, Reno looked at Zack like he was insane.

"Zack . . . what are you talking about?" Reno hesitantly reached out to grasp Zack's shoulder, eyes wide with disbelief and Keith was snickering in the background.

"I've heard another Turk basically call him Dad. There's a PR lady, a secretary, a couple of janitors, science interns, and even Spike! How can one guy have that many kids?! He's not even thirty! Explain to me please before my brain explodes!" Zack pleaded, grasping Reno's hands like he was praying to the very Goddess herself, sinking to his knees onto the carpet.

Reno stared down at him with an absolutely blank stare, but something seemed to click and his eyes brightened.

By now, Keith's snickering had become gut – wrenching laughter, Zack could hear the janitor muffling his laughter into a couch cushion.

"Zack, did I actually confirm that Keith is my biological dad?"

-o0o-

Reno was a little frightened now but mostly bemused, Zack's face was completely blank and he could have sworn he heard something break inside the younger teen. He wouldn't be surprised if smoke came out of Zack's ears, it was like the Puppy's brain had gone kaput.

 **has crashed.**

 ** _Would you like to reboot?_**

 _Yes No_

Reno would like to hit the yes button right now, he had never seen the spiky haired teen this still and silent before. It was unnerving.

Keith wasn't helping at all, the ash blonde man was literally crying with mirth, having curled over onto himself and burying his laughter into the cushions of a couch in the break room. He had never seen the man laugh so much before, even if it was muffled.

Zack's simple misunderstanding had escalated so much that it baffled him, he was aware that other employees in SHINRA's payroll saw Keith as a father figure, the man practically oozed with maternal instinct. None of them minded sharing him either, Keith enjoyed babying them even though they weren't actually his flesh and blood, although there was the matter of Charles Parkinson in the PR department who called Keith 'Daddy'.

Keith somehow always managed to wheedle his way out of the gay photographer's grasp, so it was rare for the janitor to stop by the PR department without being practically assaulted by Charles.

"Zack, talk to me buddy. You're freaking me out." Reno muttered, slapping Zack lightly on a cheek a few times until some form of clarity returned to the younger boy's eyes.

It took them a few minutes and some cups of hot chocolate before Zack was back to his usual self, once having the situation fully explained to him. Keith just sat opposite them with a grin on his face as he sipped his own drink (he certainly was enjoying this), flicking through his PHS to check if he had received any new messages.

"I think I see now, why people call him their dad. He sort of gives off that kind of air." Zack murmured as his slowly sipped from his mug (although he had been hesitant with the first cup because Keith had made it), and Reno couldn't help but grin. "I know, right? And he's great with hand to hand combat. Veld's been trying to persuade the President to let us have Keith as a Turk, but President Shinra really wants Keith to stay the head janitor. Tseng found an alternative so Veld pays Keith to help out with some Turk practice instead."

It had been working out quite well, everyone was improving on their weaknesses and learning new moves from Keith, but it was very hard for the head janitor to find time to drop by and help them practice. Only Janus and Reno called Keith with their preferred tiles in the public eye, but all the Turks that were younger than the janitor called him the 'old man', some people were certain it was just another code name among the department.

"Really?" Zack was interested now, Angeal was a great mentor and all, but tried to focus Zack more on swordsmanship as the first time they tried hand to hand combat, it had been a complete disaster. Those lessons were rare now, Angeal always had to seek refuge for a few hours in Genesis' apartment after those sessions . . .

Reno was well aware of this too, Zack often whined about it after every lesson, he hated upsetting Angeal.

"I could be tempted to help you, for a price." Keith's voice was light but full of amusement, a smirk spreading across the older man's face.

Zack practically slammed his hands onto the coffee table in front of him, leaning forward and staring straight into Keith's eyes with determination.

"Name it."

-o0o-

On his return to Midgar from a tedious and long mission, Angeal was expecting to hear complaints from his co – workers about another of Zack's pranks, but was surprised to hear there were none.

It didn't take him long to find his student though, the teen was on the SOLDIER floor chatting away with some other SOLDIER's in the break room. Genesis was also there for some reason, sipping on a cup of Banora White tea no doubt (his friend certainly had an obsession with the apples), by the windows.

Reno was lurking in the corner, flicking through something on his PHS while drinking a can of grape soda (how the Turk got that in the building was anyone's guess).

Usually Zack would always know whenever Angeal entered a room, much like when a dog senses its owner. However, this time Zack showed no recognition that Angeal was standing in the same room as him.

"Zack?" Even calling his name had no reaction, Zack just continued on chatting even though the two SOLDIER's he was talking to weren't looking at him anymore.

Sighing, Angeal reached out and placed a hand on Zack's shoulder, prepared to even give the boy a small shove to get his attention (he still had to go over more hand to hand training sessions with him, despite how much of a nightmare it would be).

"Za – ACCK!"

There was silence throughout the entire room, all eyes were on him and Zack, (although he heard Genesis spluttering in his chair).

How did he end up on the floor?

-o0o-

Genesis was absolutely astounded.

Like anyone else around the building, they all knew how inattentive the Puppy could be, but even he was confused when Zack didn't respond to Angeal arriving in the room.

However, the moment Angeal's hand touched the boy's shoulder, there had been a flurry of action.

Before anyone could blink, two hands grasped Angeal's forearm, wrenching the older man up and over, slamming him to the ground on his back.

Genesis promptly choked on his tea, almost spewing the sweet beverage on the table and he hastily dabbed his mouth dry with a napkin. No one had seemed to notice his little spit take, but everyone was focused on the absolutely gob smacked expression on Angeal's face as he stared up at Zack from where he was currently lying on the floor.

He was sure he heard the shutter click of a camera, but was more focused on his friend who was trying to rationalise what had just happened.

"Zack, have you been training while I was away?"

Angeal rasped out, the wind must have been knocked out of him, Zack had thrown him to the ground pretty hard.

"Uh, yeah! Dad taught me a few moves. Sorry about that Angeal, he sometimes ambushes me to make sure the lessons sink in."

Angeal struggled to even just speak, it was like someone had crawled into his head and unplugged the cord connecting his brain to his body.

"Well . . . I'm gonna go."

Zack scampered out of the door, Reno following him with lanky strides and still staring at the PHS in his hands. Genesis finally made himself look presentable and strode over to help Angeal to his feet. "Feeling better?" Angeal just looked up at him with an expression that he would expect from a small child finding out, that yes, they could have another cookie.

"How, when, did he – "

Angeal's ramblings however, were cut short when they heard Zack yelp from the corridor, turning around just in time to see the boy go flying past the door as if he had been thrown, a cackling Reno running after him while taping it on his PHS.

"Ah, it's eight to none now." One of the 2nd Class SOLDIER's commented, as they rushed out into the hallway, grins on their faces as they heard Zack's screaming from the elevators.

Angeal and Genesis saw a blonde and blue streak race pass the doorway, and Zack's incoherent screams suddenly became perfectly clear to their ears.

"DAD! GIVE ME A BREAK!" A loud shriek and a crash signalled the end of the bout, a grinning Keith standing victoriously over the downed Puppy.

And now it all made sense.

-o0o-

Unbeknownst to the two 1st Class SOLDIER's, Keith was now the proud owner of two pictures.

One spectacular one of Genesis doing a spit take, and the other of Angeal's dumbfounded expression.

Ah yes, more for the scrapbook.

-o0o-

 _A/N: Alright, I hope you enjoyed! Got a prompt, let me know and I'll see what I can do! This series is really got me hooked on writing the going ons of the SHINRA Tower, and I am enjoying it._

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	5. Chp 5: Department Meetings Are Hell

_Hi guys, it's been a while, but Chapter 5 is finally finished! I had this essay that was due, 2,500 words and it killed me. So here is another installment, that I really enjoyed writing. It gave me cravings. The next chapter won't be up for a while, I have an exam on Friday, so I need to focus and study. So if you have a prompt, let me know and I'll have plenty of time to give it a shot._

 _Keith: There is a guest appearance from a previous chapter, he sort of was thrown in though.  
Liulfr: I was on a roll! Plus it was pretty fun to write his bit.  
Keith: I did enjoy it . . . well, disclaimer. LiulfrLokison does not own any character that you recognize from the franchise, other than myself and any background characters that pop in everyone now and then._

 _-o0o-_

Chapter summary:

 _ **Meetings require coffee.  
Keith doesn't have his coffee.  
Terror ensues. **_

_**Thank the Goddess for ice - cream.**_

-o0o-

 ** _Chapter 5: Department Meetings Are Hell_**

-o0o-

Being the head janitor didn't mean he had to deal with just messes and filling out the occasional paperwork for certain requests.

Keith also had to deal with department meetings.

Normally, the head janitor wouldn't need to attend these, but SHINRA didn't operate like a normal company. President Shinra was all too well aware that Keith wasn't just an ordinary employee, and found his input at meetings to be rather valuable. Which meant he was dragged once a month to the department meetings, the only good thing about it was that they scheduled it at midday (if he had to be there at dawn, Keith would probably murder someone).

Listening to Palmer and Heidegger drone on was pure torture, but having to pay attention to Scarlet's sickeningly sweet voice as she tried to hint at more funds for the Weapon division without being blunt made him want to hurl. He pitied Veld (who was the poor soul having to sit next to the busty red dressed woman), Tseng was lucky enough to sit on the sidelines as he was the Turk Director's second in command. Keith always sat between Sephiroth and Hojo, someone had to keep the two separated, plus Hojo would always be working on his latest project under the table, scribbling away in his chicken scratch that only certain people could actually read. Keith liked to take peeks at the notes, adding his own thoughts when everyone else was distracted with their talking.

Sephiroth said nothing, a blank stare on his face and occasionally he would sip at his mug. Everyone in the meeting room had a cup, always coffee but Lazard was the only one who drank tea (considering how much coffee the blonde went through dealing with his SOLDIER's during the day).

Keith would be the first to arrive. It was an unspoken rule to let the janitor in first to claim his seat, otherwise someone would find dead rats in their ventilation systems (Heidegger had been the only victim thus far, the others had quickly caught onto it. Although they wondered how Keith managed to get the dead rodents that far up the ventilation shafts). Keith was a vindictive bastard, and everyone knew it.

Like clockwork, Sephiroth would arrive next, give Keith a greeting and claim his cup from the small kitchenette connected to the room opposite the bathrooms on the other side of the room. (The meetings could run long sometimes). A minute later, Veld and Tseng would enter, claim their mugs and take their seats. Reeve would come five minutes after them, head buried in papers but once Keith placed the inventor's cup in front of him, he would place the blueprints into a folder and take the drink with eager thanks.

Hojo would arrive after Reeve, slipping into his seat next to Keith while clutching a mug of coffee that he would only brew in his personal office, and while they waited for everyone else, Keith would take a look at the professor's latest project.

The rest of the department heads came in at random after that, Jenny (the Public Relations department head) would steal a quick hug from him and give him an "Afternoon Pops" with a cheery grin before sneaking into her seat.

President Shinra would arrive last, and the meeting would get underway.

After the meeting was over (it usually lasted an hour), they would all depart for lunch. Normally Keith, Tseng and Sephiroth would leave the Tower for one of their favourite diners (and their usual go to for take – outs) and order lemon pepper chips. Although after the fifth time, the waiters knew their orders without having to be told. Sephiroth began to leave generous tips for the staff, they just wanted to relax after the meeting and the staff being that attentive was a godsend.

Sometimes Jenny would join them, but that was a rare occurrence.

The only reason why the three of them were able to survive through the meetings was because of their coffee.

Except, the three of them weren't exactly drinking coffee like the rest of the department heads.

Because Keith was the first one into the meeting room, he was able to brew the specific drinks without anyone finding out. Not many knew about this fact, but Keith wasn't a huge fan of coffee, he found the stuff too bitter and the smell gave him a headache. It didn't give him the caffeine hit that he required, and warm drinks made him rather sleepy. So instead, his coffee mug was filled with root beer.

Yes, he drank root beer.

He found the cold drink to be rather perky, it woke up his taste buds and it was a drink that had to be sipped at slowly.

Sephiroth was easy to appease, the man was a chocolate hoarder. So, Keith would brew up a cup of hot chocolate and leave the steaming hot drink on the bench, Sephiroth would arrive a few seconds after he finished brewing it.

Tseng was similar, the Wutainian Turk could appreciate a hot warm drink that wasn't coffee (the Turk department reeked of coffee and he could understand why Tseng wanted something different). But Tseng liked a little kick to his drinks, so Keith would spike the Turk's hot chocolate with a little rum. That woke the Turk up, and in response to the drink, Keith was allowed full access to the Turk Weaponry if he ever needed it.

Of course Veld was in the room when Tseng got his drink, so Keith ended up making the same for Veld, although he added a pinch of cinnamon which seemed to agree with the Turk Director's taste buds.

Reeve practically lived on coffee, and by the time the inventor arrived, the smell of rum was still fresh, so in return for his silence, Keith would gift Reeve with rum spiked hot chocolate as well. The strong smell of coffee from Hojo's mug overpowered the rum smell, so their secret was safe from the other Department Heads.

(Little did the others know, was that Keith supplied Hojo with a stash of special coffee that was imported from Wutai. Keith had a good friend who lived in the Wutainian section of the city selling the coffee, so he got a good discount from it).

These drinks were the only reason the six of them managed to survive through the monthly meetings.

But during this monthly meeting, Keith was having a crisis.

 **He had no root beer.**

His usual supplier was full out, as they had run out of normal beer because a bunch of SOLDIER's had gone partying to celebrate a promotion, and so the root beer had been surrendered to appease the rambunctious group. There was no time for Keith to find alternative places selling root beer (it wasn't exactly the most popular drink in Midgar), and his supplier was only able to get a new batch in tomorrow, thus the reason why Keith turned up to the meeting without his drink in hand.

He still made the others drinks as normal, but they all noticed how his cup was steaming. They were all prepared for the shit storm that was to come.

-o0o-

Twenty minutes into the meeting, Scarlet had taken over and was giving her standard sales pitch of needing more funding for her department, when there was a loud thunk.

Everyone turned to where Keith sat, and those not privy to the drinks agreement were shocked to see the ash blonde man was digging his forehead into the tabletop, angrily muttering words (that should not be repeated to younger audiences) under his breath that was muffled by the polished wood surface.

Heidegger was already pushing his seat away from the table, having made an extensive list of indicators when Keith was going on a furious rampage (after the dead rodents incident, he had paid the Turks a large sum of gil to research it so he wouldn't have a murderous janitor after his head). The only people who were enjoying the steadily paling faces of their colleagues were Hojo, Sephiroth and Tseng. Reeve looked rather concerned, and Veld was rather neutral to the situation (although Tseng would swear on his favourite pistol that he saw his boss hide a smirk behind his raised cup). Jenny looked like she wanted to vault over the table and drag Keith out to a bar to unwind, probably bringing Reno along with her, she knew her Pops well.

Most of the rooms occupants were probably thinking Keith's current state of mind was due to having to clean up after Zack's latest prank, which had involved sixty two lizards, two point six tons of sand, thirty five sticky notes, forty four jam jars, eight bottles of cleaning wax, fifty three blocks of butter, seventeen kilograms of dog food, (yes, they weighed it) and one industrial sized wheelbarrow. No one wanted to know what had happened to the secretaries' entire stock of glitter pens.

The entire SHINRA staff swore to never talk of it again. Although there was the stray lizard scurrying around the building every now and then, not all of the escapees had been caught. There was a debate on whether the lizards had come from Hojo's labs, but the professor was keeping silent on the matter.

None besides Sephiroth was aware of the fact Keith had helped out with that prank (where else would the cleaning wax have come from?)

The rest of the department heads were looking to Hojo (who seemed to be the only one who could interpret Keith's maniacal mumblings), and by the utter delight on the esteemed professors face that was steadily increasing to pure and unholy glee, none of them wanted to know what thoughts were currently running through Keith's brain to cause his demonic growling.

The moment Keith finally lifted his head from the tabletop, everyone froze, not daring to breathe in case they set him off.

Unfortunately for them all, the person in charge of the budgeting department had been sick, and so had gotten the next best person to fill in for them.

Apparently Connors didn't get the memo that Keith was in the meeting.

The guy had been focused on Scarlet's exposed cleavage so much that he hadn't noticed Keith sitting a few chairs down from him. He hadn't seemed to recognize the mop of ash blonde hair since he always saw Keith wearing the standard blues around the building.

Keith never wore his uniform to the meetings, if he was going to be stuck to a stiff backed chair for a whole hour, he was going to wear whatever the hell he wanted. Today he had stuck to denim jeans and a nondescript green button up over a black singlet, a pair of sturdy black boots on his feet (which may or may not have been the pair he used in street brawls, you couldn't walk through the slums without coming across one).

The moment those stormy blue eyes looked up, Connor let out a high pitched squeak and promptly fell out of his chair, he was out cold before he even hit the floor. When they looked back on the incident, none of the rooms occupants could blame Connors for fainting, most of them felt light headed at Keith's murderous glare.

Except now they were cursing Connors to kingdom come, terrified at what Keith would do.

Thankfully some people still had their wits about them and distracted Keith from giving into his homicidal ideas.

Sephiroth shot out of his chair and swiftly carried Keith out of the room over his shoulder, most were too shell – shocked to comment on the silver haired General promising Keith that they would get fudge sundaes, fries and pizzas as he walked out the door.

Once Sephiroth and Keith were out of earshot, Veld turned to the President with an almost bored expression. "Sir, I think it would be in our best interests to re - schedule this meeting to a later date during the week." President Shinra quickly nodded, dabbing at his sweaty forehead with a handkerchief before rising to his feet. "Agreed. Everyone is dismissed. Someone leave Connors a note."

Tseng was all too happy to slap a sticky note onto Connors forehead (the man had caused many complaints in the Turk department), before making his way out of the building to join Sephiroth and Keith for lunch.

Although he did make a reminder to himself to keep an emergency stock of root beer for Keith in case something like this ever occurred again.

-o0o-

Keith could officially say he loved Denise.

The owner of 'The Chocolate Ranch' (you can see why Sephiroth loved the place), was a bubbly fifty year old woman with salt and pepper hair, possessing an attitude of a twenty year old. Her laughter was infectious and her chocolate cakes were simply divine.

She always greeted them with a smile, and on Sephiroth's birthday, she had made the General a monstrous chocolate sponge cake, layered with lemon jelly and napoleon ice – cream, drizzled with chocolate syrup and crumbled Snickers on top.

She could always read their moods, so the moment that Sephiroth walked in with Keith slung over his shoulder, she got straight to work.

In mere seconds of them sitting in their usual booth, Denise placed in front of them a stack of lemon pepper fries and a napoleon ice – cream sundae, strawberry wafers stuck into the chocolate syrup drizzled confection, banana slices hidden between the coloured scoops.

"You, are an angel Denise."

Keith blurted out between mouthfuls of ice – cream and wafer, almost hugging the sundae bowl to his chest.

Denise gave him a soft pat on the head, a bright smile on her face as she saw the grateful expression on Sephiroth's face. The General was more open with his emotions around those he liked, and Denise was one of his favourite people, especially after the birthday cake.

"You know how to make a girl feel special. You enjoy that sundae, and I'll fix you up something special. It looks like you need it." Denise bustled off to the kitchen after greeting Tseng who had just entered the diner, relief on his face when he saw Keith had been pacified.

The whole incident was over.

-o0o-

Well, maybe it wasn't.

The next day Genesis had burst into Sephiroth's office and demanded to know the details of yesterday's meeting. Some of the Silver Elite had seen Sephiroth carrying Keith out of the building and where creating a social media shit storm about the unknown stranger that Sephiroth was actually touching.

Needless to say they were frothing at the mouth.

Luckily for Keith none of them had seen his face (the only image captured was very blurry), so he could continue his work as he pleased.

The one good thing about the incident was that Connors had refused to come back to work, claiming leave due to trauma and injuries sustained (he gained a concussion from hitting a chair arm on the way down).

Besides that, life around the building was the same as usual.

-o0o-

 _A/N: And Chapter 5 is over. Hope you enjoyed I know I did. Connors really was just thrown in at the last moment. Let me know what you thought, and if you've got a prompt, please share it! I really would like to do another prompt chapter._

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	6. Chp 6: The Notebook Ban

_Hi guys, it's been a while and this chapter is shorter than most . . . I just couldn't find myself to write more. This prompt was from_ _ **Bittersweet Alchemist**_ _, and I had a blast writing this one up. Thanks a bunch for this wonderful prompt. (You may have given me an idea for another chapter with the glitter comment)._

 _Keith: You did, I was stuck cleaning the mess up._ (─ ─ ; )  
 _Liulfr: Well, you are a janitor . . ._ ∟ (●˰● ∟)  
 _Keith: . . ._ (-_-) _LiulfrLokison does not own any characters from the franchise that you recognize, except for her own characters._

 ** _Chapter 6: The Notebook Ban_**

 _Prompt:_ _Something that always seems to irk every janitor I know (I've got a surprisingly bad track-history with them) is when people leave the fringes of paper from notebooks lying around. I mean, those things get everywhere, so I suppose I can understand the irritation, they're like the glitter of the janitorial world. Unless there's real glitter involved._

-o0o-

 **"That. Is. It."**

Keith glanced up from his desk, an eyebrow raised as he saw who had slammed his office door open at . . .

A quick check of his clock said it was only 12:50PM, usually complaints came in after 3:00PM.

"It's rare to see you upset Katie. What seems to be the problem?"

Katie Holt, was one of the four janitor's under his position that helped co – ordinate cleanups, and were the people to go to for the newbie's in the department. Through them, the other janitors would send any complaints or requests through the four, and at the end of the month, those four would report to him. He liked to call them the Janitor Officers.

Katie was a 28 year old with light brown hair that she always tied back into a short bun on her head, and bright hazel eyes. She was roughly 5'5, and her build was slim but her appearance fooled many. The woman was wicked skilled with a mop, and could kick any man's ass if she chose to. She also grew up in the rough parts of Junon, so she had experience with scuffles.

Keith may or may not have given some janitors self defence lessons in case of terrorist attacks in the building.

 _(What? It had happened before.)_

The two of them had a friendship lasting eight years, the moment Katie had come into the department, he had found a kindred spirit, and a person he could trust to rein him in if his temper got out of place. He had adopted her like a dog adopts a kitten (despite the species difference).

"It's these fricken notebooks!" She brandished an A4 size notebook with a spiral binding in her hand before dropping it down onto his desk. "I keep finding little bits of the edges left on the floor, and its hell to clean up! It's like glitter!"

"Kadoobies."

Katie looked at him like he had just asked her to feed herself to a Malboro.

"What?"

Keith let out an exasperated sigh before picking up the notebook.

"They're called kadoobies. Don't know who in Odin's name made up the term, but that's what they're called. It's that guy in the Records room, cubicle 14, isn't it?"

The guy had been reported by at least seven other janitors, who had quit from the stress after finding the bits strewn throughout the records and files room.

Cleaning up on that floor would be similar to fighting Razor Weeds. Once you thought you got them all, more would appear. And because that specific floor had delicate documents, there had been an agreement between the records staff and Keith that no vacuums would be allowed in there even under the threat of spiders.

The records team were terrified of spiders.

He had been called down at least thirty times a year to deal with random arachnids that lurked in shadows, and he was very tempted to just shift them up a floor despite the massive headache it would be to shift all the files.

He had let the guy off because those previous janitors had been slacking on the job and he sent them to that floor for punishment, but someone would burn if he lost Katie to the Kadoobie litterer.

It was time to take action.

And judging from the grin Katie sported, it would be enjoyable.

-o0o-

Now, it wasn't exactly a fact that was well known around Shinra, but Keith had the authority to ban an item from the building.

He had a limit of three items per year, but over the years he had only banned two things from the building during his time in Shinra.

The first had been gum (a bane for every janitor).

If any was found possessing gum in the building, it would be confiscated and they would be stuck cleaning out the experiment cages in the lab. After the twentieth confiscation, the whole Tower knew about the gum ban, and the last person to violate the ban had lost a toe to one of the experiments.

The second banning had been more of a personal manner.

The one thing that Keith hated cleaning up the most was spitballs.

As a trainee janitor, he had found spitballs everywhere, vowing to ban it as soon as he could. He had been distracted by the gum bam and so after hearing a complaint from a lower ranking janitor, the need for vengeance returned like a hellfire.

Needless to say, the next person he found blowing spitballs was severely punished.

His glare left the infantry man in tears, and the news quickly spread.

There were no more offenders after that incident.

But that had been two years ago, so the fact that Keith had that power was almost forgotten by most of the staff, not to mention the new employees.

After explaining the situation to President Shinra (who knew how much Keith valued his underlings), the ban was implemented.

No one was spared.

They didn't place a punishment down after the first person had practically begged to have their notebook back, terrified at what they might do with the contents. The contents of the notebook turned out to reveal they had written down the guard shifts as their squadron hadn't bothered write down their own times.

The lecture they got from their commanding officer was punishment enough.

Once the word had been spread around the building everyone began to hide their notebooks, but Keith confiscated at least two notebooks a day.

Katie joined him as he read the contents of the notebooks (some notebooks he deemed harmless, and returned them after giving the offender a stern warning), they found some interesting information about the fan clubs, new restaurants and clothing stores, (they had found some coupons but returned those immediately), but their best find was the fanfiction.

Because some of the SHINRA staff wrote it.

The mortification on the author's faces after they returned the notebooks was priceless, although they had been surprised when they saw the comments both Katie and Keith had written in the margins.

But their main goal was the Kadoobie Litterer.

They hadn't been able to catch the man off guard in order to confiscate his notebooks, and it had been a month since the ban had been implemented. They still found kadoobies strewn throughout the records level.

It had been a slow day when Keith got called down to the records floor because of another spider incident, when he finally got the chance.

The Kadoobie Litterer had left a notebook on his desk.

The poor sod came back to find Keith ruffling through the book, and panicked.

With good reason.

The guy was writing down notes from the reports, the number of people per mission, the supplies, the routes, fighting techniques, everything.

He was a goddamn spy for AVALANCHE.

Keith was all too happy to tackle the guy to the ground while security was called, practically beaming when the Turks took him away for interrogation.

President Shinra commended him for finding out their hidden mole (SOLDIER's had been ambushed several times in the past months), and the Turks had been unable to find him until now.

That was the highlight of Keith's week.

Who would have thought a mole would have been found out because he kept littering?

-o0o-

 _A/N: Well, there you have it. The Notebook Ban. To those who understand the pain of having to pick those little suckers up, I salute thee. To those who have prompts, you can drop them in the review box, or you can go to my tumblr (finally deciding to use it)_ _mojishinprocastinatorextreme dot tumblr dot com_ _(You can also get the links to my AO3 account, where I have a new Avengers series up that I will probably be cross - posting to here in the future. Hope you enjoyed the chapter!_

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	7. Chp 7: The Chocolate Affair

_Hi guys, sorry this chapter took so long. I had an essay to pass in, and I got random spurts of inspiration for this chapter. I was given the prompt by_ _ **Freerunner4427**_ _, and we had a lovely chat over their prompt for this chapter. I thoroughly enjoyed our talk, and I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations._

 _Keith: Well, I enjoyed myself, we put a lot of work into it. Although the stress beforehand . . . not so much.  
Liulfr: Oh shush, you got to have fun in the end. Besides, I had to give a reason to why you would tackle such a large project.  
Keith: *sighs heavily* Of course, of course. Well, the usual disclaimer, LiulfrLokison does not own any fandom character you recognize, she only owns me and the random OCs/background characters that pop up from time to time. _

**_Chapter 7: The Chocolate Affair_**

 _Prompt:_ _Zack watches Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and gets a few new, Ideas..._

 _I was thinking Chocolate River as a colabortation between Zack and Keith, and Sephiroth waking up in a Willy Wanka Costume on a small sugar gondola curtesy of Reno . . ._

 _And all the while Genesis and Angeal taking pictures and laughing._

-o0o-

Keith had never been more stressed in his life.

The war between SHINRA and Wutai was taking a toll on everyone, even the non – combatants.

The air was thick with tension, Tseng was dropping by his office for rum spiked hot chocolate every other day, and if his friend needed it, so did Veld. (He began making a thermos for Tseng to take back to the office every morning).

It eventually came to the point that Keith was scared of Sephiroth going homicidal, his silver haired friend had a persistent eye twitch and it made him look like he was about to go on a killing spree. Sephiroth had been banned from the VR simulator rooms because he almost demolished them the last time he was in there due to a murderous rampage.

 _(Which may or may not have been the result of a screaming match between Sephiroth and Genesis)._

President Shinra was terrified to even walk through the building, everyone was on the verge of flying off the handle. Keith was only getting through the day because nobody wanted him to clean up their messes ever since he glared at a secretary so fiercely that the woman almost had a panic attack.

She had been clicking her pen constantly over and over again as she chewed on her fingernails, irritating Keith as he had a humongous headache after the chaos in the Weapons department. A stressed out technician accidentally activated a drone bot with faulty programming, which proceeded to tear throughout the department destroying everything it could find.

All the SOLDIER's had been unable to help because their stress levels were so high that Lazard temporarily banned them from engaging in any conflicts, one SOLDIER losing control of his strength was enough for the SOLDIER Director to take action.

Someone had run out of the department to go fetch a Turk, but ran across Keith instead. Luckily they did, because the Turks had been firing at any poor sod who stepped foot onto their floor, they had been drinking cup after cup of coffee to battle against the stress, giving them twitchy trigger fingers.

The secretary who had entered the floor first had narrowly avoided death, fleeing from the floor and warning everyone he ran past, to not go into the Turk floor.

It took some soldering, a couple of metal pipes, a wrench, two hours and a shit ton of wire before they caught the drone bot. Keith happily helped to smash the damned thing to pieces, leaving some tired, but very de – stressed technicians to clean up the mess that had been caused by the rouge bot.

And don't even get him started on the plumbing.

Zack Fair was the only one who hadn't been fully impacted by the stress because of his energetic nature, but had holed up in his apartment with movies in order to battle against the negative energy of the building. Keith had spent enough time around the boy that he could call themselves friends, and was all too happy to find refuge in the Puppy's apartment instead of sitting all day in his office.

Reno was going to join them as well, Angeal had opted to go take care of his garden to deal with his stress levels. Genesis was raiding bookstores for novels other than LOVELESS to get his mind off battles, and Sephiroth . . .

Sephiroth had fled into the Wastes to find something to run through with Masamune.

Tseng had joined him for target practice, the two had taken a SHINRA van, some supplies and four thermos' of plain hot chocolate with them (Keith had to make those before hand). Tseng had opted for the plain so he didn't have any alcohol interfering with his aim.

Tseng was surprisingly a lightweight when it came to drinking if you caught him out of Turk mode. If he was in a Turk mode, then he could drink anyone under a table.

So Keith was left with Zack and Reno to unwind with a bunch of movies, and Tseng had thankfully given him a bunch of root beer before he had left for the Wastes. Zack had already stocked his apartment with tons of snacks, and Reno had bought a bunch of booze from his favourite supplier.

They were going to get shit faced tonight and not care about the consequences in the morning.

-o0o-

Usually Keith found drunken ramblings to result in dangerous and idiotic adventures, and so had sworn to himself to never act on them if it ever occurred.

However, he had to break that oath just this one time.

The Puppy actually gave good ideas when drunk off his rocker (they had also found the perfect concoction that was sure to get a SOLDIER drunk as a skunk).

It had taken one random comment as they were watching Sephiroth's all time favourite Charlie and the Chocolate factory (because it was mostly about chocolate, although Keith had seen his silver haired friend cry a little at the end but never commented on it).

And now they were planning one of their biggest pranks yet.

The President had no problem with their plan, wanting to actually walk through his own building without the fear of being beheaded, so it was easy to gain permission to do what they pleased. The SOLDIER cadets were very confused at why their usual indoor training ground was out of order, but were all too happy to not have that slot because the instructors always yelled at them and it echoed painfully in the large hall.

(Especially Daniel Edger, the man had a set of lungs that could drown out a banshee's screeching).

It took them a full week to complete it, and by the end of it they were completely exhausted down to the bone.

But, it was totally worth it.

The three of them slept nearly a full day after they finished, and once they were well rested, they sprung their plan into action.

Keith really hoped that this would get the Tower into a good mood.

-o0o-

There was really no other way Angeal could describe it.

There was a real, honest to Gaia, chocolate river in front of him.

Well, at least he knew now why the cadets indoor training ground had been off limits for the past week.

But there was more than just the glistening river of chocolate delight, there were candy cane trees, gummy bear trees . . .

It was simply a candy land before him.

Although the large dragon gondola on the river was a sight he did not expect to see.

"Angeal, is that . . . Sephiroth?"

Genesis sounded like he was on the verge of falling into hysterics, and when Angeal turned around, that notion was very likely judging from the expression on Genesis' face. (The auburn haired man was furiously trying not to cry out of mirth). Although seeing the reason for Genesis' fit of laughter was understandable.

Sephiroth did not suit that shade of purple, it clashed horribly with his hair.

Although he wondered where that costume was produced from.

-o0o-

"Dad, are you sure you can't be a Turk? You're like one of those Wutainian ninjas!" Reno exclaimed with a whisper, from where the three of them were hiding behind a cotton candy bush.

It had been both terrifying and awe – inspiring to see Keith sedate Sephiroth so easily, dropping down from the vents and stabbing the needle into Sephiroth's neck with the precision of a pro. Zack had muttered how he felt like a secret agent as he and Keith dragged an unconscious Sephiroth into the nearest supply closet while Reno watched from the camera feeds so they knew when someone was coming.

"Nah, being a janitor is easier. Everyone underestimates you." Keith murmured with a smirk on his face, all three of them were watching as Sephiroth came to. His reaction would be either hilarious or horrifying.

"By the way, where did you get a sedative strong enough to knock the General out? Normal sedatives don't work on him." Keith just kept on smiling, a fond twinkle in his eye as they saw the small smile creeping onto Sephiroth's face.

"Omael gave me one. He owes me one for cutting that meeting short last month."

Both Zack and Reno looked at each other with confusion written all over their faces.

"Omael?"

Both of them were starting to realize there were a lot of things that they didn't know about their father figure. And it only made them curious to know even more, especially about how calm Keith had been dressing Sephiroth into the Willy Wonka outfit, not showing any signs of awkwardness at all as he did so. His answer had been he had seen Sephiroth naked before and wasn't bothered by it, they were friends . . .

"Oh right, not a lot of people know his first name. Omael is Professor Hojo."

That was a plausible reason for their slack jaws. Nobody knew the first name of the professor, and if asked the bespectacled scientist would turn the glare of death upon them. Zack was sure his glare could curdle milk (he had yet to find evidence, but he was sure Hojo could do so), but everyone around the building knew that Keith was one of the few people Hojo could tolerate. Most people thought Hojo tolerated Keith because he was the one who had to clean up the messes from his volatile experiments.

And everyone knew to not piss off the person who cleans after you.

Reno was about to ask more, when they heard a shriek of laughter that could have only come from a certain auburn haired SOLDIER.

Judging from the fact that the smile was still on Sephiroth's face, Genesis was going to get his just desserts.

-o0o-

Genesis couldn't help but laugh.

The rich purple colour went so badly with Sephiroth's hair and he had been holding his laugher back for an excruciating five minutes, he had to let it out.

He was so preoccupied with not falling to the ground and possibly staining his best pair of jeans (he had been wearing casual clothes and he did not want to have grass stains), that he didn't notice the terrifying smile on Sephiroth's face as the gondola began to float down the chocolate river, heading straight towards him.

But he certainly did feel the cane hooking into his belt and dragging him forward.

And with a small tug from the hand holding the cane, he lost his grip on the candy cane tree and plunged headfirst into the chocolate river.

Shrieking the entire way down.

-o0o-

Angeal was so glad he had decided to take his camera along today.

The smile on Sephiroth's face was one that he had seen many times before, and it spelt out doom for the person who that smile was directed at.

Despite Genesis' loud shrieking making him want to cover his ears, Angeal quickly snapped a photo before his childhood friend hit the surface of the river, chocolate flying everywhere from the point of impact. Sephiroth escaped almost unscathed, the gondola had shielded him from most of the chocolate drops, except for a small streak on his cheek. That disappeared rather quickly and the silver haired man's cyan eyes brightened with delight at the taste, which only got brighter when he discovered a small stash of chocolate in the pockets of his coat.

Turning back to his friend, Angeal was surprised to see that the river wasn't actually that deep. Genesis was sitting up and it barely covered his knees, so it was probably a little over 30 centimetres deep, hair plastered to his head and wailing in anguish over his best pair of jeans being absolutely soaked through with the sweet confection.

So Angeal took another photo, as a memento.

He did quite like the first photo though, it showed Sephiroth with the cane upraised and the smile on his face, watching just before Genesis hit the surface of the river, pure panic on his face and flailing arms trying to grab onto anything to prevent him from having a chocolate bath.

He felt completely de – stressed, he could practically feel the mako in his blood sing with relief. And judging from the smiles the other SHINRA staff was sporting, they felt the same way too.

He had a good idea of who was behind the chocolate river, but he said nothing.

He was going to enjoy this day while it lasted.

-o0o-

Sephiroth both loved and hated the punishment he inflicted on Genesis.

While watching his fellow SOLDIER get an unexpected chocolate bath was hilarious, he was quite distraught when Keith promptly informed him that the river was now contaminated. No one was able to eat the chocolate, but there was plenty of candy to make up for that.

Keith had practically shoved a basket full of chocolate bars into Sephiroth's arms to stop the man from actually crying at the loss of the chocolate river.

Sephiroth spent the entire day sitting in the sugar gondola, munching on chocolate bars as he watched the SHINRA employees enjoy themselves, his mouth quirked into a fond smile.

Reno and Zack had both fallen asleep as the exhaustion of the week had caught up with them, resting under the shade of a candy tree, (one day of rest was not enough).

Keith had joined Sephiroth on the gondola as well, and he was certain his friend was about to fall asleep as well, the man was fighting to stay awake.

Eventually the janitor could not fight off the grasp of sleep, Sephiroth's shoulder was soon put to use, but he didn't have the heart to shove Keith off.

It was the least he could do for his friend, who put so much effort into a way for their colleagues to forget the troubles of the present.

Sephiroth couldn't help but start to hum a tune, and let the sounds of laughter lull him into the realm of Morpheus.

-o0o-

 _"Come with me, and you'll be,  
In a world, of pure imagination.  
Take a look, and you'll see,  
Into your imagination."_

-o0o-

 _A/N: Well, hope you enjoyed this chapter! I may have dropped a in a thing of Keith's past, but you probably won't understand it because I haven't said anything about it before._

 _As usual, if you have a prompt, let me know at either my tumblr or through a review. Also, if you want to get a bit more of Keith's backstory, let me know cause I've got a couple of chapter ideas that would allow me to drop some more information into this series._

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	8. Chp 8: Hair Problems

_Hi guys! I finally managed to get this chapter done! The prompt was from_ _ **Bittersweet Alchemist**_ _, and the second part of their prompt will be another chapter, but I will be writing a quick one for Halloween and then a chapter involving Omael Hojo! (It was a prompt from_ _ **Toyu**_ _AO3). This chapter is sort of a merge of both the prompts though . . ._

 _I've sort of caught a cold, so I am miserable and will be using my misery to use at motivation for new chapters. Hope you enjoy this chapter, and let me know what you think!_

 _Keith: Just . . . get better alright? I don't want to catch your cold.  
Liulfr: I can't help it, my immune system is crap . . .  
Keith: *Sighs* LiulfrLokison does not own any characters you recognize, except for me and any of her own characters spawned by this series. _

**_Chapter 8: Hair Problems_**

Prompt: Now this comes from a personal pet peeve I've developed here at college, but the ShinRa building undoubtedly has showers in it, given how much else it has, right? Well, lately, when I take a shower here at my dorm, I have to scrape hair off the stall walls because people think it's okay to do that. If enough gets left on and it isn't cleaned off right away, the chemicals in shampoo and conditioner and soap and stuff will really cake it on there and it becomes a chore to get off.  
Or, something I've wondered, if a living experiment escapes the lab, is it Keith's job to exterminate the beast, or just clean up the remains?

-o0o-

Mako had its good points and its bad points.

The good points were that it gave the SOLDIER's superhuman strength, speed, stamina, eyesight, hearing and pain tolerance.

On the other hand, recovering after the injections were a pain in the neck, and the reactions varied over the spectrum. Itching, soreness, headaches, nausea and hunger pangs were some of the few milder symptoms, hallucinations and seizures being some of the more severe reactions to the regular mako injections.

It also didn't agree with everyone, there was a limit to how much mako could be pumped into the human body, some SOLDIER's were stuck at 3rd Class due to their mako tolerance not being high enough, and some people didn't even make the cut.

Another problem was that due to their heightened senses and strength, the food bill was horrendous, a SOLDIER's metabolism was one to be feared, thus the reason the cafeteria food was less than tolerable, the budget could be stretched only so much.

But one of the lesser known benefits of mako was its effect on hair.

Mako prevented breakage, split ends, and general hair loss.

 _(How else would have Sephiroth gotten his hair to that length without encountering those problems?)_

However, there was nothing the mako could do about when hair got yanked out, either by accident or on purpose.

And that tended to happen a lot in the showers.

Somehow, in some inconceivable and unfortunate chance of fate, those loose hairs ended up creating a lot of havoc.

-o0o-

The SHINRA tower had many problems, due to the fact it was one giant tower. So it hadn't been very well planned out, making the blueprints a nightmare.

And the reason why all the plumbing systems were linked together, although there had been the basic work separating the water pipes from the waste pipes.

So the waste from the showers ended up getting mixed with the waste of the lab.

When you mix highly toxic and untested chemical cocktails with mako infused hair, of course it was going to have a very violent reaction.

One that bore very unexpected fruit.

-o0o-

Now Keith had seen a heck of a lot of wacky shit going down in the SHINRA Tower, oddly enough it never happened in the science departments. Although most of it stemmed from that department, their experiments always managed to wreck havoc always on the secretary floors. Keith's current theory was that the experiments went there because the secretaries could afford decent food, as well as the female scientists had a deep seated grudge against the snobby secretaries on the 15th floor.

And he had to clean many makeup stains whenever the secretaries got startled, so he had seen plenty of shit in his time in Shinra.

However, the latest escapade was rather . . .

Icky.

And for once it didn't happen on the 15th floor.

It started in the basement at roughly around 4AM, and he had been less than happy to receive a call from a frantic maintenance worker muttering something about a blockage in the pipes. At first he had been irritated, he had just gotten to sleep because some dick – bag bigwig had fucked up a printer, causing him to stay late because the guy had pissed him off that much. He had enjoyed giving the man a severe dressing down, but it hadn't been really worth the extra five hours he stayed to fix the Gaia damned printer.

However, when the maintenance worker began to scream bloody murder, Keith gave up all hopes of getting any sleep.

So here he was, walking through the Tower six hours later, trying to find this monster that was creating mass hysteria throughout the building.

He had no luck so far, and nobody was willing to help because they were scared witless (only the Turks weren't affected, but the subject in question hadn't gotten that high up yet). Lazard had to cut short a mission briefing to go tell his SOLDIER's to suck it up and stop screaming like a bunch of pansies (in less than eloquent words).

Keith had to give the SOLDIER Director some respect after that, he didn't know the blonde had such a foul mouth.

It was during his musings that he heard a vent grate creak, and something heavy dropped onto his head.

What was even worse was when he felt something wet ooze down the back of his neck, staining the collar of his uniform.

Then the mass on his head moved.

Keith was holding in the urge to scream.

But not out of fear, but in horror at the absolutely vile stench coming from the moving blob that decided to latch onto his hair in prevention of falling to the ground.

It took him around five minutes to actually remove the thing (it had a very strong grip), and now he was staring at the round blob of what appeared to be hair, feathers and dust balls. It was roughly the size of a tennis ball, and was sopping wet.

But it didn't appear to be vicious, contradicting the snippets of shrieking he had heard from terrified employees.

Why was it always him that had to deal with this crap?

-o0o-

 _One long shower later . . ._

This . . . was a surprise.

Keith had thought the thing had been a mouse under all that hair, but in fact . . .

It was a giant fluff - ball.

A very soft and fluffy fluff – ball.

As soft as the downy feathers of a Chocobo chick.

And it was very friendly, the pale blonde fluff – ball was currently bouncing around Cronkle (his purple lizard that had decided Keith was worthy of his affection, and may or may not be one of the escapees from the Butter Lizard incident), and making high pitched chirping noises that were eerily similar to a tiny bird.

All the human hair had moulted off in the shower, leaving him with the fluff – ball that was around the size of a golf ball, and now that all the extra hair was gone, Keith could clearly see a tiny fanged mouth and a pair of bright green eyes among the downy fluff.

The fluff – ball bounced around like a sparrow did, but Keith couldn't really see if the fluff – ball had legs, it seem to propel itself around by either rolling, bouncing or jumping.

It was actually rather cute.

He was cut short in his musing when his PHS rang, and when Keith picked it up, he saw it was Tseng ringing him.

The fluff – ball was currently perched on his shoulder, staring down at the PHS like it was some off creature, so he quickly answered it while plucking the fluff – ball off his shoulder and letting it play with Cronkle.

"Hi Tseng, what's up?"

Tseng let out a loud sigh, probably in his office as he could hear Reno laughing up a storm in the background.

 _"I heard you had to deal with the science department's latest debacle. Judging from how I can't find you on the security camera's, the problem has been dealt with?"_

Tseng was way too formal over the phone, something that Keith needed to work on.

"Yep, it's all dealt with. Could you let Lazard know? The thing wasn't really much of a problem."

 _"I'll let the Director know then. I'll see you tomorrow."_

"Yeah, bye Tseng."

Keith hung up and dropped the PHS onto the couch, he wasn't sure if he wanted to go back into the Tower today, he had done his fair share of work.

The fluff –ball (he really needed to give it a name) had climbed back onto his shoulder, chirping into his ear for attention. Cronkle had followed suit, the large purple lizard had curled itself around his arm and was making his way up to Keith's free shoulder.

Keith couldn't help but sigh, petting the fluff – ball softly while thinking what the heck he was supposed to do with it.

Well, he would think about it later, right now he was starving.

-o0o-

Somehow, the fluff – ball became the newest addition to his weird little family.

No one had noticed the fluff – ball, as it was the same exact shade of his hair and hid amongst the looser strands while he worked. Cronkle had finally decided to leave the apartment and liked to sunbathe on Keith's desk (and was delighted to scare the crap out of his wimpier janitors who had come across Cronkle), and pretty soon the whole tower knew about the large purple lizard who spat tongues of fire.

Keith had to literally tear Hollander away from his office, no one was going to touch or experiment on Cronkle without his explicit consent, he had come to like the lizard. The fluff – ball had wisely remained hidden, but after a week of nestling in Keith's hair, the fluff – ball found a new friend.

Now, Keith was well aware of Zack's trooper friend, Cloud Strife.

The boy was adorable and the few times he had come across the boy was when other troopers had been harassing him. Keith easily earned Cloud's trust when he threw one of the bullies into a wall (not enough to break bones, but enough to cause bruises), and brought the blonde to his office for hot chocolate.

Cloud knew if he was ever being harassed again, to either find Keith or hide in his office. Keith had made the spiky haired blonde remember that it wasn't cowardly to run, it was a tactical retreat. Self preservation was more important than pride, something that all weak country boys learned in their first few years of life.

Cloud seemed to have forgotten that lesson during his time as a SOLDIER cadet apparently.

So it wasn't unusual to find Cloud sitting in his office and reading a book at six o'clock in the evening. Surprisingly Cronkle was draped over Cloud's lap, the lizard didn't really like anyone else rather than Keith, but it seemed that the lizard had claimed Cloud as one of his humans.

"Evening Cloud, I can see your patrol went well."

No bruises, clothes were unruffled and hair in its usual disarray.

"It was the usual, no one gave me trouble today."

The janitors liked to keep an eye out for Cloud, Katie commented once that Keith had adopted the boy into the janitorial family. Keith couldn't be bothered to correct her, and so lot's of the janitors kept an eye out for Cloud.

Dropping down into the seat next to Cloud, Keith absentmindedly stroked Cronkle's head when the lizard climbed into his lap, just wanting to relax before someone made a big mess for him to clean up, again.

"Keith?"

The tone of Cloud's made him very alarmed, it was the sort of tone one would associate with trepidation and slowly building panic. Glancing over to Cloud, Keith was surprised to see that the fluff – ball was bouncing in Cloud's lap, chirping and rolling about while the blonde stared at it in both wonder and fear.

"Ah, that's Fluff – Ball. I don't have a name for him now, but he was what was causing the fuss the other day. Dropped right out of the vents on top of my head, he was covered in hair and dust, but turned out to be this adorable ball of fluff once I gave him a wash. He seems to like you."

Fluff – ball had quickly taken residence up in Cloud's spiky hair, which was actually surprisingly soft to the touch despite its spiky appearance.

"Can I keep him?"

Keith couldn't help it when he stared at Cloud in surprise and bewilderment.

"You want to keep him? Are you sure?"

Cloud nodded with an eager smile, Fluff – ball gave a loud chirp of agreement.

"Well, I guess we'll have to give him a name then . . ."

The fluff – ball bounced keenly up and down in Cloud's hair, clearly understanding it was to be given a name.

It came to Keith in a flash, and he couldn't help but smile as he spoke.

"How about . . . Mini Cloud?"

Judging from the enthusiastic chirping the fluff – ball made, it liked the name.

Cloud seemed to like it to, an adorable smile lighting up his face.

-o0o-

It turned out that Mini Cloud was also a great bodyguard.

The fluff – ball was always ready to bite anyone who decided to pick on his human.

And so the crisis was fully resolved, and Shinra Tower had another new resident.

-o0o-

 _A/N: Ah, I love Chocolate - Chip Lemon muffins (just made a batch). Hope you enjoyed the chapter, and let me know if you have a prompt let me know through a review, or through my Tumblr: mojishinprocastinatorextreme._

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	9. Chp 9: Halloween Hoarding

_Hi guys! Here's the Halloween chapter! I just loved writing it up, it's slightly shorter than the other chapters though . . ._

 _Keith: I think you should just let them read it, it was a rushed job.  
Liulfr: Yeah . . . Well, thanks a bunch __**Freerunner4427**_ _for the prompt! I really loved the chat we had that spawned this idea!  
Keith: And there's still another chapter prompt from that chat you need to do.  
Liulfr: Yeah, I know, but Omael wants more screen time, might throw in a hint or two about your backstory while I'm at it . . . *runs out the door before Keith can compute that sentence*  
Keith: 0-0 . . . LiulfrLokison doesn't own any character you recognize in this chapter, besides the ones she spawned from the randomness that is her mind. Now excuse me while I go chase her down from giving you all details about my life before SHINRA. _

**_Chapter 9: Halloween Hoarding_**

 _Prompt: Maybe a costume party chapter for Halloween . . ._

-o0o-

SHINRA was known for its galas, big, bright, flashy and full of snobs.

However, this year there had been enough left in the budget (yes, President Shinra had a budget for galas), to throw a Halloween party. The SOLDIER's had been insisting on a break, and Jenny had thrown in the idea at the latest monthly meeting.

Sephiroth's eyes had lit up at the word Halloween, as in his mind it was the Triple C holiday.

Candy.

Costumes.

 **Chocolate.**

It had been quite terrifying watching both Jenny and Sephiroth team up to intimidate President Shinra into hosting a Halloween party for the staff. Keith had been preoccupied with Omael's latest project, and the two weren't paying attention to what was going on, leaving Sephiroth and Jenny's notion undeterred by the only two people that could rein them in.

And of course Keith was roped into helping.

-o0o-

Decorating the gala floor was a lot harder than anyone realised.

Not that it was hard to decorate for a staff – only party, but because of certain people who had taken upon themselves to help out with the festivities.

"Zack, I think those are enough streamers!" Keith found himself yelling, tearing yet another box of colourful bright streamers from Zack's arms. There was an entire wall covered in streamers that hadn't been there last night, nobody knew where Zack had produced all the streamers from, and were working to tearing down the vomit – inducing array of colours.

"But, it needs to be colourful!" The puppy possessed SOLDIER whined, trying to grab the box back from Keith, but failed miserably as the taller man easily side stepped him. A quick kick to his ankles sent the teenager sprawling on the ground, letting out a pitiful whimper as he clambered off the floor, rubbing his sore nose from where it had skidded on the tiled floor.

"There is a big difference between colourful and a rainbow monster. I'm actually terrified to see what your colouring books were like as a kid." Keith muttered, dumping the box into some random passerby and directing them to dump it in the nearest office storage. The office worker was confused, but didn't dare to contradict him as Keith turned on Zack to explain what he was allowed and not allowed to do that involved the party setup.

He ended up sending Zack along with Jenny, Katie and Reno, who had decided they would be picking the selection of candies and chocolate. Zack had energy to spare, and none of them dared to let Sephiroth go on a chocolate buying spree.

The results would be . . .

A nightmare to clean up.

Not many people outside of SHINRA knew about his chocolate obsession, if only his fangirls knew he could be bribed with the sugary confection . . .

Returning to the task at hand, Keith began to help tear down the wall of streamers, hoping that nothing else bad would happen while they were setting up.

He wasn't sure how much more he could take of this hysteria.

-o0o-

The party was . . .

Actually running smoothly.

Many of the staff had turned up in bright and colourful costumes, home – made and the store bought, but everyone was enjoying themselves.

Keith had seen Genesis running around as the Phantom of the Opera, a costume his theatrical friends had probably let him borrow. Angeal had turned up in casual clothes, no one could imagine the man in any else but his SOLDIER uniform (the man practically lived in it). Zack had appropriately dressed up as a werewolf (basically he had stuffed a few scraps of fur into his clothing and begged Keith to help with his makeup).

Tseng had surprised everyone by turning up not in his suit, but in a sweeping cloak and a glimpse of fanged teeth.

Everyone avoided him though, not wanting to know what the Turk was thinking, as he was wearing a terrifying smile on his face.

However, Reno had gone full out, dressed as a ghost wearing what used to be a white suit that was now drenched in blood (it was actually cranberry juice), with a knife sticking out the side of his head and blood dripping down his face.

It had taken an hour to do the makeup, painting the blood, the hollow eyes and attaching the knife handle to Reno's head.

But it had been worth it when Connors had run screaming out the door and checked himself into rehab the very next day.

Keith hadn't seen Sephiroth yet, but was unsure if he actually wanted to know where the chocoholic was. The janitor had taken refuge near the food tables, watching as his colleagues fooled around on the dance floor, and took a sip of punch. He was sitting right next to the punch bowl, so it hadn't been spiked yet (and hopefully it wouldn't be).

Omael had joined in the festivities, dressed up in his usual lab coat and had messed up his hair a little bit to look like a deranged mad scientist (not that everyone already thought he was).

It was two hours into the party when trouble started up, and Keith was forced to leave his seat and make his presence known.

And he had so been looking forward to staying anonymous tonight.

-o0o-

They really should have seen this coming, considering Sephiroth's chocolate obsession.

It had taken one and a half hours before people realised that their lolly bags had been pilfered, everything was there, wine gums, gummy worms, jelly beans, candy canes, everything, except the chocolate.

They spent the next half an hour searching for Sephiroth (who had to be the culprit) and eventually found him hiding up in the rafters with his loot of stolen chocolates.

No one had seen Keith as he hadn't told anyone what his costume would be, none of them wanted to disturb Tseng and none dared to approach Hojo, who was clearly enjoying the chaotic atmosphere in the room judging from his cackling and deranged grin.

So none could reign in the thieving General, who was aptly dressed in his Willy Wonka outfit from the Chocolate River event, his long silver hair tucked up into a top hat. No wonder none of them had spotted him, that silver hair of his was very distinctive and would have been a dead giveaway.

And as they fretted, none of them noticed the Jack Skellington that was striding forward, clutching a bag of confections in his hand.

However, people did notice when he threw the bag, an audible thwack as it smacked the General right in the face, sending the chocolate thief careening off the rafter and crashing through the floor, leaving a perfectly imprinted hole of his body in the broken tile.

Everyone had clearly seen the absolute shock on the General's face, and understood why he hadn't simply caught himself instead of breaking through the floor tiles.

They all turned to the Jack Skellington, flinching back as they saw ice blue eyes burning with fury, which wasn't helped by the deep black eye shadow and white face paint, giving the cold eyes even more impact. When the Jack Skellington threw another bag, everyone was ducking out of the way, but instead the stolen chocolate rained down from the rafters, leaving everyone in shock as the costumed man turned on his heel and returned to the punch bowl.

Everyone had thought that it had been a life like dummy sitting by the punch bowl to creep people out, but it had actually been a person!

It was then they all realized, the Jack Skellington was Keith.

-o0o-

"Enjoying yourself?"

Cloud flinched, turning to look at the Jack Skellington, the witch hat on his head threatening to fall off his spikes.

"Oh, hi Keith." Cloud let out a sigh of relief when Keith gave him a smile, pulling up a chair for him to sit in. Cloud scrambled to take a seat, yanking the hat off his head and placing it in his lap, Mini Cloud chirping happily to finally see Keith again.

Cloud hadn't been able to meet up with Keith that week because of late patrols and then the scramble to get ready for the Halloween party.

"Don't worry about the punch, no one's spiked it." Keith muttered, glaring at someone who was edging towards the punch bowl, who quickly turned on their heel and tucked a bottle back into their pockets. "You were amazing, I've never seen the General looked so shocked." Cloud blurted out, brightly smiling in amusement as he recalled the wide eyed expression on Sephiroth's face before he slammed through the floor and broken tiles.

"I got sick of hearing the complaining, I should have known Sephiroth would have done something like that. But I can cut off his favourite chocolate supply, so he won't try to get vengeance." The insane smile painted onto Keith's face made his words all the more creepier, and Cloud found himself very curious about that statement.

"But couldn't the General find another supplier then? I don't see how you could stop him from buying it anyway." At this, Keith let out a snicker before taking a sip of punch.

Cloud found his answer from Professor Hojo, who looked like he had known who Keith was dressed as all along.

"Keith makes these delicious biscuits that have four different types of chocolate, which practically melts in the mouth. He's threatened to never make them again the first time Sephiroth attempted to get revenge on Keith before."

Ah, no wonder Keith had leverage over Sephiroth.

-o0o-

The Halloween party had been a success, a few people were hung over when Keith abandoned the punch bowl to wrangle a whining Zack from throwing streamers everywhere (no one knew how Zack managed to find the random supply room they had been stored in), and several people had taken the chance to spike it.

Sephiroth had been retrieved the next morning, lying in a pile of debris three floors down and crying at the loss of his scrumptious loot.

It took about four bags of Snickers to coax the tear stained General to get out of the fetal position he had curled into. When they couldn't get Sephiroth to leave the pile of debris, Keith had to threaten his entire stash of Picnic chocolate bars.

 **That had done the trick.**

Sephiroth had jumped up to his feet and ran like the devil was after him, some people were pretty sure he had started crying again in fear of his stash being in mortal danger.

No one saw the General for a week after that, only coming out when Lazard threatened to get Keith again. Sephiroth had been well updated with how pissed Keith was during that week, and was already furious at the mess created by yet another of Hollander's escaped experiments, and choose the wiser option.

Things went back to normal after that, but no one would forget the incident that had happened that night.

Especially since Angeal had photo evidence.

It was a good one for the scrapbook.

 _(Someone may or may not have framed the imprint Sephiroth had made in the floor)._

-o0o-

 _A/N: And that is another chapter done! Hoped you enjoyed it, and toss me a prompt if you've got one!_

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	10. Temporary Hiatus Due To Real Life Scare

Um, hi guys. If you haven't heard, New Zealand was struck by a massive **7.5** earthquake in the South Island at 12:02AM on the 14th of November.

I live about a half an hour drive out of Wellington on the Kapiti Coast, and I was still awake and on my computer at the time, so when the house started to creak and shake, I was freaking the f*** out and was internally screaming, but moved to my doorway and it was soon over after that. My parents and siblings were okay (had to call my sister up who had moved recently, but she was safe). Nothing in our house was broken besides a pot that fell down the stairs and left dirt everywhere . . .

So its understandable that I'm shaken up, and was scared to go to sleep after that. Woke up a couple hours later, everything seemed to be fine, but my whole body has been shaking and I keep feeling like there's aftershocks still going on. But what didn't help was that at 7:43pm that there was a big aftershock, a **5.6** , then later on at 8:21pm there was a **5.8** aftershock, ( **both of which were centered in the South Island, but I certainly felt it here** ). So right now I am flipping terrified to go to sleep and my whole body is still shaking and I'm really scared of there being another earthquake.

So, I really don't think I'll be able to continue writing up another chapter for any of my stories until the aftershocks have stopped, or I feel safe enough again.

 **So, my apologies in advance for making you wait for the next chapter.**

LiulfrLokison out . . . TT_TT


	11. Chp 10: A New Season Brings New Chaos

_Yeah, so I finally managed to get this one up . . ._

 _Keith: She's a little worn out right now, so I'll be quick. Liulfr does not own any character that you recognize from the franchise, only me and the few random background characters that are created as this series continues._

 _Here's the chapter!_

 ** _Chapter 10: A New Season Brings New Chaos_**

 _Prompt:_ I badly want a chapter involving Hojo, I mean, Omael; (Omael Hojo is now a part of my head canon, so thx for that) a bunch of chocobos; and pranking to occur. (Because the ff series fandom need more chocobo fics and I don't think I have found one involving pranks and Hojo yet, XD.) (Frorm Toyu on AO3)

-o0o-

Winter was always the worst season for Midgar, as it was the flu season for the city. Most of the city residents were used to the warmer climates, and so when winter rolled around, they were highly susceptible to colds and sniffling noses.

And since it was rare to have an employee born in a colder climate town, it was pretty easy to pass the bug around the normal SHINRA staff. Keith took colds very seriously, and so every time one of his janitors fell sick, they were put on leave until they got better. Sick days tended to pile up, so none of his workers lost out on their wages, but on the odd occasion one did not have any spare sick days, they were given a slightly lower wage for the days they had to take off.

And because Keith had grown up in a cold climate town, he had never fallen sick once during his time at SHINRA.

So it was understandable when Keith had taken his first sick day in years, that everyone started to freak the fuck out.

Which caused quite a headache for one Professor Omael Hojo.

-o0o-

It had been quite surprising for Omael when Sephiroth had willingly entered his office, sitting down on the couch and burying his face in his hands.

When the General hadn't spoken for several minutes, Omael was forced to leave his research and check on the man in order to sate his own curiosity.

"I assume there is something bothering you?"

Omael and Sephiroth had a love hate relationship. Sephiroth hated having all the tests done, but couldn't fault the scientist for doing his job. Omael was always curious as to how the J – cells were mutating over time, as Sephiroth was the only living SOLDIER to have the J – cells in his system for more than ten years, but he hated seeing the discomfort it caused the barely twenty year old socially awkward chocoholic.

"Keith is sick."

Omael couldn't help but stare at Sephiroth in disbelief. The pale blonde man was the healthiest person he knew, for him to fall sick, it had to be a major bug.

However, Sephiroth's next words made him retract those thoughts.

"He caught a cold."

Now that Omael considered it, Keith had been very stressed over the past few weeks from multiple experiments breaking out (Edmund refused to upgrade the security on his experiments cages), and Omael was well aware on how much sleep Keith had been losing out on.

He had seen the younger man close to the verge of collapse before, but Keith had never fallen sick even at those times.

And Omael knew how integral Keith was to the entire structure of the Tower.

"I guess everyone is panicking?"

Normally Omael would enjoy the chaos and panic that Keith caused with his very presence, but it was never fun when Keith wasn't there to enjoy it along with.

"I, knew Keith had a big impact on the rest of the staff, but never realised it was to this extent." Sephiroth sighed, rubbing at his temple to stave off a headache. It was only due to Omael's sudden pity for Sephiroth that he gave the chocoholic a Snickers bar from the small stash he kept in his drawers.

He was one of the few people who understood why Sephiroth was such a chocoholic. Due to the fact the mako enhanced a SOLDIER's metabolism the mixture of J – cell's in Sephiroth's bloodstream made him burn through calories and sugar much more faster than any normal SOLDIER. In order to keep up normal sugar levels, Sephiroth had to consume foods containing a high sugar count.

Chocolate just happened to be one food that was high in sugar and that Sephiroth enjoyed, but everyone else just thought that Sephiroth had an unnatural obsession with chocolate.

And right now, Sephiroth was about to have a sugar crash.

Sephiroth gave Omael a muttered thank you before tearing into the Snickers bar, and ended up hiding out in Omael's office of the rest of the day.

Neither of them was looking forward to tomorrow.

-o0o-

It took three days for it to finally sink in that yes, Keith was out sick, and yes, he wasn't coming back into work any time soon.

However, the mood of the Tower plunged to an all time low.

One that Omael took it upon himself to rectify.

No one knew how it happened, but they certainly did notice when they found a pack of Chocobo's roaming throughout the Tower. It was both hilarious and exhausting to watch the office workers to try and catch the birds, especially since they somehow knew how to operate the elevators and open the doors to the stairwells.

Not one janitor made an effort to help, having been informed in advance that they were to go on their day as usual and not help a single person wrangle the Chocobo's into submission.

In all the pandemonium, everyone forgot about the depression that had befallen the Tower, and ended up actually enjoying their day, chasing after the expertly trained Chocobo's.

-o0o-

By the time Keith's absence had hit the week long mark, even Omael was starting to get worried.

So he ended up dragging both Sephiroth and Tseng to Keith's apartment in order to find out what the hell was going on with his friend (and yes, he counted Keith as one of his few friends).

They ended up finding Keith buried under several layers of blankets, a jug of water at his bedside, and a very cranky purple lizard curled up on the headboard. It was painful to hear his rattling cough, Omael wanted force him to drink several cups of lemon and honey tea.

Keith looked quite surprised to see them there, until it crossed his bleary mind that Omael had gotten a spare key from him months ago. It took Keith a few minutes to reach full coherency to answer their questions, enough time for Omael to make lemon and honey tea that he made Keith drink at least half of the mug before talking.

"How did it get this bad?" Tseng was the first to ask a question, pulling up a chair while Keith actually took time to think how his cold had gotten this bad, showing how much the cold had been affecting him.

"Um, I thought it was a really bad head cold at first, so I called in sick and tried to sleep it off. It didn't go away, I had some Parecetamol and went back to sleep. Been too tired to really leave the house, and I don't have any cold medicine because I never really had a reason to buy it. Just been sleeping a lot." Keith muttered, his voice dreadfully hoarse and he took a long sip of the tea.

Omael couldn't believe it, it was at these times that he remembered Keith hadn't exactly had a normal childhood.

Which meant Keith was very ignorant about the most simplest of things, especially with how to treat a cold.

Both Sephiroth and Tseng seemed to realise that Omael was plotting something, and began to edge towards the door.

Only to find the door slammed in their face by a smug purple lizard.

"I think it's time you two learnt how to treat someone with a cold."

 _Sephiroth and Tseng were pretty certain that Cronkle was one Hojo's lizards, they knew no one else that had the same exact deranged grin._

-o0o-

They all ended up crashing at Keith's place that night, Hojo called up Veld and Lazard, saying that he was teaching the two of them a lesson, so they would be taking some of their sick days off. Once explaining that they were looking after Keith, there had been no resistance. (Sephiroth could have sworn he heard Lazard wish Hojo good luck with the endeavour).

Sephiroth had been left to ensure Keith kept drinking warm liquids while both Tseng and Hojo went out to get groceries, medicine and pick up the things they would need for the next few days.

And frankly, Sephiroth was completely out of his depth.

He could deal with seeing someone's limbs being cut off, blood splattered on his skin, organs oozing out of gaping holes in bodies, his SOLDIER's delirious from the mako injections . . .

But he had honest to god, no idea what to do, when faced with someone who was sick with a simple cold.

And that scared him.

Sephiroth had never felt so helpless in his life.

-o0o-

It was a week before they returned to the tower, a perfectly healthy Keith in tow. Sephiroth was unusually quiet and Tseng glared at anyone who pointed out his bad mood.

Keith ended up dragging both men to the Chocolate Ranch where they got a stern talking to from Denise which set the two of them straight.

There were a few good things that occurred from this incident.

The Tower had learned what would happen if Keith decided to quit, (something that would further influence how much they realised they needed the man), Sephiroth and Tseng knew how to treat a cold, and Omael finally got to use his pack of trained chocobo's to wreak havoc upon that pack of dunderheads that dared to question his intelligence.

-o0o-

 _A/N: So there, another chapter uploaded! Now I have to dig around for the next prompt I had in line, so it will be some time before my schedule (that currently does not exist) gets fixed. Which means it will be some time before the next chapter gets out. Hope you enjoyed this one, and have a great day wherever you are._

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	12. Chp 11: Lab Escapees

_Well, this one was finished up rather quickly._

 _Keith: She literally wrote the entirety of it the same day as she posted the last one.  
Liulfr: Yep, I was on a roll! But wanted to wait until my Latin test had been done so that I wouldn't have to worry about it. So here's the next the chapter!  
Keith: Liulfr doesn't own any character you recognize (well, technically I think she owns her own version of Hojo, Omael sort of came out of nowhere, but he's a great friend and is nothing at all like canon Hojo)._

 ** _Chapter 11: Lab Escapees_**

 _Prompt:_ _Or, something I've wondered, if a living experiment escapes the lab, is it Keith's job to exterminate the beast, or just clean up the remains?_ _ **(Provided by the awesome Bittersweet Alchemist! I finally finished up the second part of your prompt!)**_

-o0o-

"EDMUND!"

The SHINRA employees barely even flinched as a shriek of absolute rage shook the tower.

(Some were forking over gil, having lost the bet to what day this weekly event would occur on).

At least once a week, one of Professor Edmund Hollander's experiments escaped their cages.

The protocol with escaped experiments was that any SOLDIER's, lab techs, or Turks in the vicinity were to subdue the subject and restrain it until a new holding cell could be opened for it. Sometimes the less dangerous subjects were let loose as to test the reaction protocols, but around 70% of the time the subjects escaped on their own.

Omael's experimental subjects (the few he actually had because he was very reluctant to test on living creatures after an incident in his technician years), never escaped because he treated them with care and they had proper living quarters. They never felt the need to escape.

But Hollanders experiments . . .

They were always trying to get out.

Thus meaning that the janitors always had to clean up chemical spills, monster drool, and whatever excrement got left behind.

Eventually after the fiftieth lab escapee, Keith's almost unfathomable well of patience had run out.

That was the first day the lab technicians knew Keith was to be feared.

The janitor had an extremely good arm and had nearly taken off Hollander's head with a metal clipboard, screeching that any mess left by lab escapees were to be cleaned up by the lab responsible for them.

They were all so terrified of the still shaking clipboard embedded halfway into the very much concrete wall that they all nodded in response, leaving a fuming Keith to go work out his frustration on the next unfortunate soul who crossed his path.

So an agreement was made between the science department and the janitors, because otherwise relations between the two would break down and the whole Tower would be up in arms over the following blood feud.

Any mess left by lab escapees would be dealt with by the lab who created or tested on the subject. There was rarely any kill on sight orders, so when those did occur then the janitors would clean up after it, because there was an official order for it.

But of course there were the few trigger happy recruits that shot and killed the experiments, adding another clause to the contract, that the one responsible for the experiments death would have to clean up after it, no matter if they were a Turk, a SOLDIER, or an office worker.

However, over the years, all of Hollanders experiments had somehow realised that Keith was safety.

Perhaps they overheard a lab technician grumbling about the janitor or it was some unspoken language between the lab subjects, but for some uncanny reason, whenever an experiment escaped, they always managed to find Keith no matter which floor he was on. In their eyes, Keith was the only way they could run around and still get to live.

He was their salvation to a better life.

Thus the weekly screaming when Keith was tackled by an over – enthusiastic lab beast trying to find a place to hide.

Now all there was to confirm was which experiment had escaped, some employees hoping that their bet had paid off.

-o0o-

Omael loved the weekly screaming.

It was yet another sign to President Shinra that Hollander really was an incompetent scientist and should be fired.

But since the science department were so short of geniuses . . .

Hollander was still here even after all these years.

Curious as to which experiment had escaped this time, Omael finished up his current research and made his way to the 49th floor. Turk Sinclair was always happy to provide him with the floor number as Keith normally had to go give the escaped subject to him anyway.

Last week it had been the Tonberry that had escaped Hollander's cages (although everyone who knew about it were confused as to how the Tonberry had been captured in the first place, they were vicious little buggers). When Omael had first seen the Tonberry sitting in a small cage on Hollander's lab counter, and still in possession of its knife, it had set all of Omael's warning triggers off.

The lab technicians were reminded why Hojo was called a crazy mad scientist, not because of his clear enjoyment of chaos and disorder, but because when he got mad, **he got very mad.**

The whole floor was subjected to a screaming fit of epic proportions, some of the interns could swear Omael had been foaming at the mouth, and the leaner man had managed to back the portly scientist into a corner.

But it was when the shouting dialled down to a hissing whisper that Hollander collapsed, a smug and satisfied Omael leaving the whimpering mess of a man on the floor, hoping to see the Tonberry released back into its native habitat.

Unfortunately they were too late, a few hours later the Tonberry had been set loose upon the staff, causing a commotion that set the whole Tower off into a panicked frenzy.

One did not just enter Shinra without hearing about the Tonberry's. They were renowned throughout all of Gaia, as the one creature you did not want to cross paths with.

The Tonberry managed to waddle down three floors before coming across someone who didn't run in the other direction while screaming their head off.

Seeing as it had been stuck in a small cage, unfed and dehydrated for at least three days having been transported from the Mythril Mines, no one could fault the Tonberry for throwing its knife at the first target it saw.

Apparently nobody had warned the Tonberry about Keith.

The janitor didn't even flinch as he caught the knife blade between two fingers, flicking the knife back to its owner without even bothering to look over his shoulder.

It was when he heard a high pitched squeak of alarm, that he actually looked to see who had thrown the knife at him.

(The Junior Turks had got a little too enthusiastic when he gave them the green light on them having 24/7 practice to try and injure him to pass their stealth classes with high praise).

Keith had merely stared at the trembling Tonberry whose robe was pinned to a wall with the knife, which was staring back up at the janitor with fearful yellow eyes.

Omael had arrived in time to see his friend remove the knife and promise to get the Tonberry a new lantern (as its old one had been smashed when the creature had been ambushed), awe and respect growing in those luminous yellow orbs before the Tonberry actually clambered into Keith's arms with a noise that Omael could only describe as joy.

He had still been musing over this behaviour as he watched Keith storm into Hollanders lab, drag the man outside into the hallway and nearly throw the man out of a window while lecturing him about why the science department is not authorised to experiment on S – level creatures. (S being the most dangerous classification for creatures and monsters).

He had so enjoyed hearing Keith's harpy screech of "ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL EVERYONE IN THE BUILDING?!" echoing through the halls and the entire tower. The office workers were not happy to hear who the culprit of the Tonberry incident was.

The Tonberry had been delighted when Keith produced an antique lantern that he kept stored in his office for strange reasons, and refused to leave the Tower without the Head Janitor.

Somehow Keith and the Tonberry came to a compromise. The Tonberry would work in the kitchens with the Head Chef (who they called Big Bob) and Keith would drop by every now and then to see him. The Tonberry responded to the name Tony, and turned out to be very good with making stew.

Luckily the Tonberry hadn't been subjected to any experimentation as Hollanders subjects tended to . . .

Be modified with the weirdest of abilities as a result.

And so he was now graced with the sight of a Raijincho bird perched upon Keith's shoulder and grooming the janitors hair, the floor littered with razor sharp feathers sticking out of the floor.

His friend was not at all happy judging by the glare on his face and the shredded tears in his shirt. Omael was guessing by the location and number of the rips, the bird had launched itself into Keith's stomach and due to the few scratches he could see on Keith's hands, his friend had tried to hold it in place against his chest until the bird had calmed down.

Keith wasn't pissed at the bird, not at all, in fact Keith loved all manners of animals, probably a reason the experiments flocked to him, but at the fact Edmund's security protocols had yet again failed their created purpose.

"I think I'll call you Jin – chan." Omael heard Keith mutter to the Raijincho, which made a happy trill that he assumed was an affirmative.

"Afternoon Omael, care to join me? I do believe Hollander needs another reminder to why he shouldn't have authorisation to experiment on any living creature." Keith grinned, and Omael couldn't help but chuckle.

He was always up to scaring the shit out of his inferior colleagues.

They were halfway up the stairs when Keith paused, looking to the Raijincho that was perfectly happy to be in Omael's presence, but not the secretary that had fled with a screech at the sight of the bird.

"Omael, do you have any idea why the escapees come to me? I'm sure they would want to be free instead of stuck in this place. Even your few subjects like me despite being pampered." It was a topic that Omael had been curious about, and after the Tonberry episode, he had a plausible theory.

"Perhaps it's pack dynamics." Now this got Keith's attention, the younger man was very familiar with the wolves of the Nibel mountains, and that made him very familiar with pack dynamics.

"So what, I'm the Alpha?" Keith raised an eyebrow at this, while absentmindedly scratching the Raijincho under the beak, a pleasing rumble coming from the large winged bird.

"More like the Alpha Omega. They all defer to you without question. Those closest to you, which would be Tseng, Sephiroth and myself, would be the Alphas." He had seen all the experiments reacted the same way to the three of them during the rare occurrences the Wutainian Turk would visit his lab. "Your other friends and janitors are most likely the Betas, and everyone else in this Tower are the Omegas. As we've seen how things fall apart without you here, the subjects have most likely over the years picked up that you are the leader of this pack, and therefore defer leadership to you."

The only difference in his friend's expression was the slightest widening of his ice blue eyes, and the younger man scoffed.

"Well, that's a mind blower. Who would have though a janitor would have so much power?"

Both of them cackled at the idea, traumatising the unlucky individual who heard the echo of their demonic laughter ten floors down when they opened the stairwell door.

-o0o-

A week afterwards, Tseng was gifted with Jin – chan who was delighted to deliver messages throughout the building and scaring the crap out of everyone who saw the bird flying around.

No one dared to injure the Raijincho, who Keith had publicly announced was very important to him, and if anyone was to harm his bird, they wouldn't like to face the consequences.

-o0o-

On a side note, Keith had no remorse ordering Jin – chan to attack Hollander with the ability the man had so generously gifted the bird every time the scientist ran into his former lab subject.

They also confirmed that none of the experiments saw Hollander as a pack member, Jin – chan had never crapped on someone before.

-o0o-

 _A/N: YAY! Another chapter done! Onto the next one!_

 _Thank you to all lovely people who have favorited this series, I love it when I see the notifications in my email. And to any of you who don't know already, I am happy to receive prompts to figure out what other kind of craziness I can create in this series._

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	13. Chp 12: Janitors Do Not Do Laundry

_Well, I managed to get this one done . . . I just wanted to wait until my Latin test was over before I wrote the last few bits._

 _Keith: Well, it's good that you are prioritising your studies before everything else.  
Liulfr: But I'm also improving my writing abilities in a way . . . I need to practice . . .  
Keith: . . . As usual, Liulfr doesn't own any characters that recognize belonging to this fandom . . . _

_Big thanks to_ _ **ren7720**_ _for the prompt!_

 _Hope you enjoy!_

 ** _Chapter 12: Janitors Do Not Do Laundry_**

Prompt: ren7720:considering what a SOLDIER job is like their uniform's must get ruined a lot so what happens if the supply was somehow cut off

-o0o-

Cloud had always been curious about one thing.

Sephiroth's leather coat.

It certainly wasn't regulation, Genesis was the only other SOLDIER to not be wearing the proper uniform. That red coat was an eye catcher, fitting the dramatic thespian to a T.

There was only one person he could get the answers from.

And that was Keith.

-o0o-

"Keith? Are you busy right now?"

Glancing up from his computer screen, Keith found it was Cloud standing at the door, a shy smile on the cadet's face as the teenager slipped inside the office.

"Not really, just looking over the expenses for the month. It can wait." Leaning back into his chair, Keith blew a stray hair out of his face, the slight bags under his eyes making him actually look closer to his age than ever before. Things had been piling up that month, and it was starting to put a strain the budget. A couple of trainees were getting on his nerves, the older janitors having to make them do a task twice because they didn't put enough effort into it, meaning they were using more supplies than was necessary.

The problem was that they were SOLDIER cadet dropouts who didn't want to join the infantry. After seeing how much power Keith had and how fiercely he protected his janitors, the cadets had thought being a janitor was more pleasant than joining the infantry. Little did they know that sometimes the infantry sent their trouble makers for Keith to sort out, a few of the commanders actually taking lessons from Keith in order to learn how to control the rowdier groups.

So Keith was feeling rather lethargic at the moment, staring at the computer screen wasn't helping at all.

"I was just wondering, about the General's coat. It's not regulation, so how come he started wearing it in the first place?" Cloud's voice betrayed his burning curiosity, and Keith couldn't find it in himself to deny the boy's request.

The two of them had become close over the past months, both understanding the hardships of growing up in town where nobody liked them. They had bonded over this fact and Cloud had found Keith's tales of petty revenge to be quite entertaining.

Flopping onto the couch, Keith made himself comfortable while Cloud also took a seat, knowing that there was a long story to be told. Mini Cloud eagerly chirped from where he was settled in Cloud's hair, bright green eyes full of delight as Keith began his story.

"Well, it all started about seven years ago . . . Sephiroth was still a 2nd Class and was due to be promoted to 1st . . ."

-o0o-

 _SHINRA had a laundry problem._

 _Most specifically their SOLDIER uniforms._

 _It wasn't that they were in short supply of those willing to make the uniforms, but the fact that they had to keep ordering more._

 _SOLDIER's tore through their uniforms like a child does with Christmas wrappings, a new order needed to be made every other week._

 _So when Keith heard his janitors muttering about how they were sick and tired of having to throw perfectly salvageable uniforms into the trash, he began to look into the accounting records. The accounting staff was all too happy to help, having noticed the issue themselves but where afraid to mention it to the higher ups._

 _He had almost torn the papers in his hands apart from rage when he saw the amount that had been spent in just two months._

 _Something had to be done soon, or SHINRA was going to go bankrupt._

 _-o0o_

 _It had been surprisingly easy for Keith to insert himself into the conversation discussing the budgets and why their profit was barely covering the expenses._

 _The woman in charge of the Budgeting Department wore a scandalous expression on her face when Keith pointed out the uniform expenses were going way over their allocated budget. Neither had she been impressed when Keith informed the woman exactly why the SOLDIER's were going through their uniforms so quickly._

 _Normally Matilda Rogers was a timid blonde with math skills that could send anyone off the deep end from watching her complete impossibly difficult calculations all by hand instead of with a calculator. However, with Keith backing her up, she gained an immeasurable amount of courage and finally spoke up._

 _Needless to say they both quickly ganged up on the President in order solve the uniform crisis._

 _Lazard was all too happy to help gather up the SOLDIER's for the two department leaders to have a chat to his wasteful department._

 _-o0o-_

 _After a two hour long lecture to all the SOLDIER's, none of them daring to speak after Matilda verbally ripped apart the one man who thought the meeting was a waste of time, it had finally sunk to them all that by constantly throwing away perfectly good uniforms that only needed a good washing to get the blood and mud out of them, they had been putting everyone else at risk. There had been budget cuts and salary cuts, the science department had barley been able to keep up with the orders for potions, ethers, remedies, all the things that the SOLDIER's needed to keep themselves alive during battle._

 _And when the impact on the weapon budget was revealed, they had all gone white faced at the implication that they would have to settle for mediocre second grade metal for their swords instead of the finest that SHINRA could afford._

 _Which of course was the highest quality._

 _The best part of the lecture was when Matilda declared that they would either **'fight in their uniforms or nothing at all!'**_

 _Keith had been more than delighted when the SOLDIER's asked how to clean their uniforms, some even taking sowing lessons for the minor tears and fraying thread. Instead of paying with gil, they paid back the lessons with their bodies by cleaning the gyms and floors. It was an appropriate arrangement considering how tight money was in the Tower, and it took about five months before the budget was back on track and no one needed to worry about their wages getting cut._

 _However, there had been an impact on the few SOLDIER's who hadn't had uniforms to wear because the first thing Keith and Matilda had done was to cut the supply of the uniforms off._

 _For the first few weeks it had been strange to see SOLDIER's running off to missions in jeans and polo shirts instead of their unusual uniforms._

 _Sephiroth had been delighted at the sudden freedom he had and begun to use this as an excuse to run around in a Turk uniform (no one knew where he got it but all fingers were pointed at Tseng)._

 _Which made the fan girls even more crazier to see Sephiroth wearing a suit. Despite it covering up his arms, they could appreciate how the suit moulded to his frame, without the bulky cloth in the way they could really see the curve of his spine now._

 _It had sparked a little debate between Veld and Lazard, both of them forcing Sephiroth to find alternate clothing instead of confusing everyone at why the face of SOLDIER was running around dressed like a Turk._

 _Sephiroth had to revert to black uniform pants but refused to wear the thick purple monstrosity that was the 2_ _nd_ _Class uniform shirt._

 _Somewhere along the way he found what would become his signature styled boots after a shopping trip with Angeal, but it was the coat that came out of nowhere._

 _Sephiroth had been quite tight lipped about it, but after a week people stopped asking and got used to seeing the newly promoted General walk around without a shirt on underneath the thick leather jacket._

 _Eventually it became a thing that only Sephiroth could pull off, and nobody could imagine the man without it. It also sparked Genesis' impulsive nature and the man soon donned his signature red coat when he was promoted to 1_ _st_ _Class a month later._

-o0o-

Cloud just stared at Keith in disbelief as the man ended his story, Mini Cloud making noises that sounded like giggling and jumping out of Cloud's lap as Keith was offering the fluff – ball a cashew nut.

"How come the SOLDIER's were ruining their uniforms so quickly?" They were SOLDIER's, so how come their uniforms got so tattered when they had reflexes to rely on?

"Well, the power went to their head and they thought they were invincible. The major problem was that they didn't dodge properly so they got clipped by monster claws a lot. We let Genesis loose on them, both Matilda and I noticed his knack for Firaga's and asked if he would like to help teaching his fellows to dodge. He was quite eager about it, and it was also a factor for his quick promotion. We gave him a list of targets each day and he went around ambushing them. It's also where the rumours about him using people for target practice stemmed from."

Ah, that was a rumour that got spread around the cadets a lot. Considering that their teachers in charge of their classes would have been working with SHINRA around that time, they may have been one of the victims.

"No one knows where the General coat came from though?" For some strange reason Keith froze in his seat, Mini Cloud still eating away at the handful of cashew nuts in Keith's palm.

"Keith, you, don't happen to know where it came from?"

The older man pursed his lips, but his eyes were full of mirth.

"Well . . . around the time I happened to have friends under the plate who I told about the uniform crisis. . ."

Cloud leaned closer as Keith began to talk, he was one of the few people that knew Keith was a well known figure down in the slums because Keith had taken him to the weapons seller under the plate on his birthday. He had been given a small but sturdy knife that had been of great help when they had been ambushed by a couple of AVALANCHE goons on patrol once.

"Some of them were fans of Sephiroth, and he had told me how he wanted some sort of coat or jacket to wear instead. I ended up blabbing it to them over a couple of drinks, and a couple of weeks later they shoved a leather coat at me. Apparently they had been saving up to buy him an expensive gift basket but changed their mind after hearing about the jacket idea from me. I have no idea where they managed to find someone selling Zolom skin, but they did. So I gave it to Sephiroth and mentioned it was from some fans of his. He wanted to thank them, but the fans wanted to stay anonymous. They said they would just be happy to see him wearing it."

Now Cloud was speechless, Sephiroth's famous coat was made of Zolom skin?! And it was from a bunch of his fans?

"I . . . did not expect that." Was all Cloud was able to say, Mini – Cloud jumping back into his lap having finished the cashew nuts.

"Yeah, it's not something that should be known, otherwise other fans will think he'll accept gifts and then that would be a problem for the mail department. And they already have it bad."

Cloud could only shudder in agreement, he had spent a guard shift outside the mail room and he never wanted to have that post again. He did not want to know the cause of the suffering moans and wailing coming from that department.

"I'll keep that information to myself then. Thanks for letting me know, it's been bugging me for ages." Keith just smiled in response, but let out a long suffering sigh as he looked back at his computer.

The expenses weren't going to sort themselves out alone.

"Good luck with that. See you around!" Cloud skipped out the door, knowing that Keith needed the peace and quiet as he had to go through a lot of receipts (he refused to let the accounts go to the budgeting department before checking it through himself at least once).

Keith just grunted from where he had buried his face into the couch, waiting for the door to click shut before he lay out fully on the couch.

Musing over how he had come by the coat, his lips quirked into a smile.

He seriously had no idea how to explain to Sephiroth who exactly had given him the coat in the first place.

How could Keith even start to explain how he had gotten a Zolom skin coat from the ladies at the Honey Bee Inn?

 _Also, he didn't want to explain that the ladies there found Sephiroth to be adorable, even after seven years they still regarded the twenty year old as a child to coddle._

 _Seriously, they acted like grandmothers that doted on their grandchildren._

-o0o-

 _A/N: I hoped you enjoyed, the next chapter shall be an insight into Sephiroth, Tseng and Keith's little meetings to complain about their work!_

 _Next chapter:_ ** _Chapter 13: Work Day Woes_**

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	14. Chp 13: Work Day Woes

_Well, here's the next chapter, it practically wrote itself . . . I may have been hyped up on energy drink while writing it. (Also sort of drinking one now, so that's the reason why Sephiroth drinking energy drinks popped up)._

 _Keith: Yes . . . I am slightly worried about your new found fascination with energy drinks.  
Liulfr: But . . . you know me and being a night owl.  
Keith: Yes, you are a sloth in the mornings . . .  
Liulfr: *stares at computer screen with ideas in mind*  
Keith: *EYETWITCH* No, no sloths. Don't you dare even think of putting a sloth in the building!  
Liulfr: But, but it would be awesome! Seriously! I can just imagine it!  
Keith: No. I can already deal with the experiments, but a sloth is just pushing the envelope too far.  
Liulfr: Fine . . . I won't put a sloth in . . .  
Keith: Well then, as usual, Liulfr does not own the FFVII franchise, otherwise if she did, there would be sloths. _

_Here's the chapter! Thanks to_ _ **ashleighpoole68**_ _for giving me the opportunity to write up a prompt that was already sitting on my list but I hadn't found the write time to insert in into the story!_

 ** _Chapter 13: Work Day Woes_**

 _The chapter where we see some complaining._

 _And Sephiroth gets introduced to energy drinks._

Prompt: I would like to see one of the meetings between Sephiroth, Keith, and Tseng and who they complain about. (ashleighpoole68)

-o0o-

It was that time of the week again, 6pm on a Saturday night where Tseng, Sephiroth and Keith all congregated in Keith's office to discuss the crap that had occurred during the week (Sundays did not count).

Afterwards they would grab dinner at the Chocolate Ranch because they all needed ice – cream to make up for the energy they would spend ranting about the more useless of their subordinates.

They only used Keith's office for these weekly meetings as . . .

His office was the only one they knew that wasn't bugged with cameras.

It was company policy to not have a SOLDIER unmonitored throughout the building (unless they were with trusted staff) after a mako injection in case there were any negative reactions. It had happened once before and a 2nd Class SOLDIER had scratched the skin off his arms before someone ran into him in one of the break rooms.

That meant there were cameras in Sephiroth's office and they had no idea who might turn on the monitors at any given point.

The Turk floor was of course, covered in hidden cameras for security reasons and also stealth training.

So it was really only safe to discuss such things in Keith's office as his room was probably the only unmonitored room in the entire building.

Sephiroth was the first to arrive, as he always liked being on time and plus Keith had sort of only given Jin – chan to Tseng about two days ago, so the Wutainian man was probably passing Jin – chan off to a Junior Turk while he stepped out of the office.

"I heard you took in a Tonberry?"

Keith just smiled at the curiosity in Sephiroth's voice, the General had just come back from a eight day mission in Junon and so had missed both escapee fiascos. He would have to introduce Tony to Sephiroth at some point in the future, but for now he needed to answer the question.

"Omael was rather shocked to find Hollander had even gotten his hands on a Tonberry, but as usual it escaped and I found myself with a new straggler. Although I sort of won its respect when I caught its knife and threw it back at it. His name is Tony and he's working in the kitchens with Bob now. Tony makes an excellent stew."

Sephiroth merely raised an eyebrow in response before taking a seat, dressed a bit more casually as wearing leather for an extended period of time was not the most comfortable clothing option one would choose.

Today he wore a pair of black slacks, a comfortable set of ankle boots and a dark green button up shirt. He of course left the top three buttons loose, wearing the coat for so many years had made him develop a habit of exposing his chest, and it wasn't like there was anyone who made a fuss over it.

Tseng waltzed in a few minutes later, his suit pristine as always but his hair was a little windblown (that was probably Jin – chan's fault), and once he shut the door behind him, his posture became more relaxed, his shoulders dropped and he rested his weight on one leg. The Turk Second in Command almost collapsed into his preferred seat, throwing his head back and staring at the ceiling (a sight that most would be alarmed to see), letting out a groan as he dragged a hand across his face.

"Let me guess, Hollander waylaid you on the way here demanding his 'lab subject' back?" Keith could read Tseng like an open book, so it was no surprise that Tseng nodded in response to his question, sliding his hair tie off and running a hand through his raven locks to work out the soreness from tying his hair back so tightly all day.

"Yes, he was quite insistent until I mentioned that he should consult you if he wants Jin – chan back. Hollander left immediately afterwards, and I am quite pleased to note he looked rather green around the gills. I'm rather curious as to how you threatened him this time, since apparently last week's incidence hasn't deterred him." At Tseng's words, Sephiroth quickly turned in his seat knowing that there was a hilarious tale to be told.

"Do I want to know how you reacted to a Tonberry being in the building?" Sephiroth asked with a smirk on his lips, not at all deterred by the glower on Keith's face as the janitor recalled the incident.

"He nearly threw Hollander out a window. Cracked it rather heavily too." Tseng answered for Keith, as the janitor in question was grinding his teeth from merely remembering how pissed he had been at the portly scientist. Sephiroth was pouting now, clearly upset that he had missed out on seeing Keith manhandle Hollander but would probably ask Reno for surveillance tapes in the future.

"The whole building could hear Keith screaming, none of them were happy to learn that Hollander had placed everyone's safety at risk."

"Oh, just you wait till you hear about what Hollander wanted next! Omael personally shredded the paperwork himself."

And so they began to complain about their week.

-o0o-

Tseng complained about the usual.

The President was continuously letting himself get caught in compromising positions that the Turks had to quickly sweep under the rug, otherwise the company would have been bankrupt from paying off blackmail a long time ago. The only new developments recently were that AVALANCHE were laying low after their mole in the Records Department had been caught, meaning that the Turks had not a lot to work on which gave them twitchy trigger fingers. Already he had to throw random missions to five senior Turks that had nearly taken each other's heads off in a brawl, along with pay cuts to really get the message to sink in.

Sephiroth wasn't too happy about the recent batch of cadets, most of whom had dropped out to either infantry or the janitorial department. The few that stayed weren't too promising, but they had to work with what they had. His trip to Junon hadn't been a great as it could have been, the major reason he was there in the first place was to sort out some . . . internal issues that apparently only he could fix.

It turned out that there was an underground fighting ring that some SOLDIER's had gotten themselves involved in, and it was giving SHINRA a bad name. Thus sending the General to kick their asses into shape showed that SHINRA had a least a sense of responsibility. (But most people were already aware of how bad their public image was, without the PR department they would have lost the support of the public ages ago).

It took twice as long as it should have, because most of the time Sephiroth was either sulking on top of the Sister Ray Cannon (due to being harassed to do some actual work the one week he decided to have a lazy week) or wandering through Junon in a big game of hide and seek with his Turk escorts (that problem was due to the man overseeing the mission pissing them all off, and they thoroughly enjoyed driving the arrogant bastard crazy by popping up in the most weirdest of places they could find throughout Junon).

At some point Sephiroth had gotten bored, and decided he wanted to return to Midgar. So in the span of one day, he and the Turks assigned to the mission found the underground fighting ring, apprehended the people in charge (the prize being a bunch of illegally obtained mako drugs) and dragged the guilty SOLDIER's back to base.

Sephiroth had also gained a wonderful photo of the shell – shocked mission overseer and was going to add it to the Wall of Idiots that he hung up in the back of his office. It was usually covered by a potted plant that Angeal had given to him, and while the Barona raised SOLDIER was happy to see Sephiroth kept it alive, his silver haired friend hadn't yet found the time (or the guts) to explain its actual purpose for being in his office.

Keith's woes were of the SOLDIER cadet dropouts that were wasting his supplies and testing his patience, he was very close to actually ripping their contracts up and shipping them back off to wherever they came from. The threat of being deported might actually be a good idea to motivate them, as they were arrogant little snots that probably boasted they would get into SOLDIER no problem and they would be on important missions the next time their families saw them.

But his main problem was currently some uppity little bureaucrat from the Junon branch who had turned up five days ago, and was intent on fucking everything up for him.

His views were that janitors were the lowest of the low, and regarded Keith's workers as little more than cattle, ordering them around to get coffee or lunch for him even if they were in the middle of cleaning up someone else's mess. Even when constantly reminded the janitors are not errand boys, the man threatened to get them fired for not obeying him, and had actually gone to the President today demanding that the janitors attitudes needed to be fixed.

President SHINRA had immediately replied that the man would have to talk to Keith about the matter, and so Keith had been given a memo that the snot nosed bigot had insisted on a meeting for 6am on Monday morning. Keith certainly wasn't going to attend that meeting, and had said nothing in reply. The man didn't even have the brains find out what Keith looked like, so Keith would be perfectly fine wandering through the Tower as always if the man tried to find him. The entire Tower was pissed off at the man as well, so it was an unspoken unanimous decision that they wouldn't even bother to point the man in the right direction.

It also turned out the man was a direct cousin of Connors, so perhaps bigotry ran in the family?

But they had spent about forty – five minutes grousing about the morons they had to deal with, when Keith remembered a conversation he had with Omael.

"Oh yeah, Sephiroth. I spoke with Omael about alternative sources for your sugar intake."

In their last meeting, Sephiroth had mentioned how it was hard to carry around a bunch of chocolate with him for missions, because they would run out quickly and melt just as fast. Keith promised to ask Omael if there was another option for Sephiroth that would fit within his sugar requirements, and after a late night shopping run . . .

Sephiroth perked up at this, he had been running low on his chocolate stash and needed to go out to restock it, but hadn't had the time to do so yet.

"Did he find an alternative?"

Sephiroth was very picky as he wanted whatever he was going to consume to at least taste alright.

"Yes, but we aren't sure how you would feel about the taste. Here, try this." Keith held out a clear plastic water bottle, containing a yellow liquid that rather looked like urine but had carbon dioxide bubbles in it.

"It's a drink, definitely not bodily fluids." Keith reassured him, unscrewing the cap to let a sweet, sugary smell fill the room.

Sephiroth had been running low on sugar already, so it was no surprise that the General snatched the bottle up and took a swig.

Judging from the wide eyes and jittery hands, Sephiroth certainly did like the drink.

"What is this?" He asked, before taking a slower sip but held the bottle possessively in his hands. Clearly he approved of this alternative sugar source, and Keith would gladly inform Omael that the alternative was a success.

"Energy drink, that brand particularly is called Lift Plus. The other energy drinks sort of taste the same, but might have a slightly varied flavour. They're cheap to buy in bulk, but it's mostly an energy stimulant that the night shift workers tend to buy. We ran into one of the night shift guards bringing a pack and asked him what it was. You can buy it in most stores, so I guess that you approve of it?"

Sephiroth just nodded eagerly while taking another sip, and Keith was looking forward to see how quickly Sephiroth burned through the liquid stimulant.

A hyped up Sephiroth was a funny sight to see, something both Tseng and Keith had witnessed after one chocolate bar too many.

"Well, I'll just let Omael know that it worked, and then we can go get dinner. Sound good?" Keith whipped out his PHS and was already pulling up a new message for Omael, while Tseng watched in amusement as Sephiroth quickly drained the plastic bottle.

"I'll go check on Jin – chan and I'll be ready to go." Tseng rose from his chair and headed out the door, Sephiroth making an aborted move to follow him to get his keys and coat that he always left in his office before hand, but was flailing a hand at Keith with pleading eyes that was the general signal that he needed another chocolate bar. But in this case, he was probably asking for another drink.

Keith snickered but handed over a small bag of the canned energy drink, quickly snapping a picture at the absolute delight on Sephiroth's face, before the man became a silver blur as he raced out the door.

Ah yes, things never got boring around here in the SHINRA tower.

-o0o-

 _The next day, both MidTweet and Tumblr crashed and burned when someone uploaded a picture of Sephiroth buying a trolley crammed to the brim with energy drinks._

 _And if Keith happened to be the one manning the camera . . ._

 _Well, who could blame him?_

-o0o-

 _A/N: And there's the chapter! Hope you enjoyed it!_

 _Next chapter:_ ** _Chapter 14: Adventures With Glitter_**

 _Also on a side note, would people like to Chapter 15 to be:_

 _A)_ Mother Bear Meet Chocobo Chick

 **or**

 _B)_ 21st Birthday Celebrations

 ** _PLEASE LET ME KNOW!_**

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	15. Chp 14: Adventures With Glitter

_So, this one was pre - written for an English assignment back in high - school, and it aptly fit into this fanfiction . . ._

 _It's shorter than my other chapters, but I can't really find anything else to add to it. The added on parts are when Keith gets involved._

 _Keith: She is . . . very tired right now.  
Liulfr: Hmmm, yeah, but I wanted to get this one up and out of the way so I can work on the next chapter . . . *sips on V energy drink*  
Keith: *facepalms and turns to Sephiroth* You need to stop possessing her.  
Sephiroth: But I need to find out what energy drink tastes the best! The Lift Plus was alright, but V has this really good kick to it and I am quite curious as how Monster tastes. I will avoid Red Bull though, as Liulfr does not like how the taste seems to go off after initially opening it.  
Liulfr: Sephiroth, I do not have the energy to argue with you right now . . .  
Keith: Just, just go Seph. We'll talk later. _

**I DO NOT OWN THE FFVII FRANCHISE, BECAUSE IF I DID I WOULD BE A TOTAL SPAZ ABOUT IT! (P.S. SORRY ABOUT THE TEXT - SHOUTING, I'M SORT OF HYPED UP ON ENERGY DRINK WHILE SLEEP DEPRIVED!**

 ** _Chapter 14: Adventures With Glitter_**

Prompt: _Zack and Reno have glitter. Gaia have mercy on us all._

-o0o-

It was Reno's bright idea to raid the secretaries desks for supplies. But, lo and behold they found the legendary glitter supplies.

Many rumours and myths had been created about this legendary glitter stock, only the secretaries had access to the limited supply. Many Turks and SOLDIER's in the company had searched for this stock for years, without promising results. All but a few had given up, the secretaries guarded their prize well.

However, they had not accounted for the red headed Turk and hyper active Puppy. These two were the most devoted to this perilous quest, and had no problem with playing dirty. The secretaries did not expect them to use a sweet, adorable blonde cadet as a decoy, while their stash was plundered.

As they cooed, pampered and fussed over (in their eyes) the poor, cute and adorably scrawny boy, their prize was stolen, seized from under their noses.

-o0o-

It only took them an hour.

By mid – day, the halls were decked in glitter. Gold on the floors, silver and blue painted on the walls, a horrifying pink shade underside door knobs and railings. By two PM, many a SOLDIER would be seen dashing to the restrooms, anxious to scrub the pink off their gloves. What was worse, was the fact there had been glue on the glitter, making it very difficult to wash off the worn leather. This was not good for their masculinity, for a SOLDIER to be seen with pink glitter on his hands.

However, Zack did not have this problem. He still managed (like some miracle) to ooze masculinity even with orange glitter in his hair, pink on his fingers and yellow (or was it a gold shade?) on his dark purple shirt. What was horrifying was the neon purple and silver mix slathered over his pants and boots.

It looked like the glitter monster had thrown up all over him. In fact . . . in the courtyard was a glitter angel, made of the same colours as Zack was peppered with. A trail of sparkles dusted the floor as he strode through the halls.

This was the state Cloud found Zack in, three and a half hours later, since the Turk and the SOLDIER had first shoved him into the secretaries main office. "You owe me a pizza." The cadet scowled, cheeks red from being pinched by manicured nails, hair mussed from hands playing with the spiky locks, clothes ruffled after being smoothed and fussed over.

"Yeah, alright. How'd you escape?" Secretaries were like vultures, was what Zack had found after several years. They never let go of their prey. "Bathroom break. They fed me so many biscuits, cakes, sweets and hot chocolate. I would have stayed longer for the fudge slices, but one of them actually pinched my butt. I snuck out through the ventilation system, was out of there faster than a spooked Chocobo." At this, Zack's face fell.

"And you didn't sneak out any for me? Margaret makes the best fudge slices!" Zack whined, lamenting the loss of the heaven sent sugary sweets. "Then you be the decoy. By the way, where's Reno?" Zack stifled his tears at losing the chance to have Margaret's fudge slices, frowning as he tried to remember Reno's words before the two had parted to wreak havoc on the lower masses. Glancing down into the training rooms, his eyes widened in recognition and pointed a finger to the flock of sparkling cadets.

"Set a couple of buckets over a door. They're coated in it! Look how they shine!" Suddenly Reno shot out of a closed door much like a fired bullet, running while screeching at the top of his lungs as he passed them, "VAMPIRE'S!" (clearly he had read too much Twilight), pointing back at the group of cadets covered in the silver and gold glitter that had emerged after him. The unit was positively murderous, thirsting for Reno's blood. Some were almost foaming at the mouth, sprinting after the fleeing Turk.

"Good to see their stamina training is paying off." Zack commented after a few minutes of awkward silence, while Cloud just stared at his fellow unit's attempt to catch the slippery Turk. Reno may look scrawny, but he was still a Turk. The redhead was probably going to use the ventilation shafts, as Reno had been the one to show Cloud the fantastic escape routes of the building in the first place.

"The secretaries are going to murder you for pilfering their stash." Cloud finally spoke, picking the cookie crumbs out of his shirt and straightening his clothes. A small smile flickered on his face as he remembered Margaret (she was one of the older secretaries who had a grandson his age) promised to pass him the fudge slices if he came by later. Maybe he would let Zack have some . . .  
"Nope, we've got a plan . . ." Zack said with an unholy grin on his face . . .

At this, Cloud instantly wiped that thought from his mind. If Zack was going to pull him into more hare – brained schemes, he was going to keep the fudge slices to himself. And maybe to some of the other cadets Reno had glitterfied.

It looked like they were going to need a long time to wash the glitter off them . . . Definitely.

-o0o-

Needless to say, Keith was not happy about the mess.

Glitter, was the bane of all janitors.

There was a reason Keith had urged the secretaries to lock it away (but nobody needed to know about that fact), and this was exactly why.

He couldn't blame Cloud for his part in this (Mini – Cloud had been staying with Cronkle during the fiasco and so hadn't been there to protect his friend from the two wild – haired terrors).

Tseng was completely furious with Reno, as apparently Jin – chan had found the tiny sparkly bits of plastic . . . paper?

 **I DON'T KNOW WHAT GLITTER IS MADE OUT OF! ∟(⁰ ˆ ⁰** **#** **∟)**

Jin – chan had found the glitter so interesting the bird had perched in a bucket of red glitter before flying back to the office. The Turks had at first thought Jin – chan was bleeding, and they had unintentionally walked into the glitter field of hell that lay beyond their doors in an attempt to catch and find the cause of Jin – chan's supposed 'injuries'. Tseng himself had not been happy when Jin – chan sent flecks of red glitter all over his office floor, and had called Keith up to know that the Glitter Stock had been pilfered, and the Tower would most likely require a full complete top to bottom floor clean up.

The other reason why Keith was so pissed off is that Reno had performed this prank without informing the Network, and thus no one had been spared from the glittery storm.

Somehow the two had forgotten all about Keith's notorious temper due to the adrenaline rush the two had been on (which had apparently been fuelled by leftover and overdue Halloween candy from the party several weeks ago) and when Keith managed to track them down, the two had never been more terrified in their life.

The Tower was treated to the sight of Keith dragging the two by the ears through the halls of SHINRA, an almost endless rant of about how much trouble they had caused spewing from his mouth, and the two culprits could only whimper in pain (as Keith had a very tight grip on their ear lobes).

It did not help that Keith was running on fumes.

(According to Tseng, Keith was severely sleep deprived, had barely managed to eat a single apple for breakfast, had drunk a third of a bottle of V, and a few chips from the cafeteria).

And when Keith was that tired, he was quick to anger.

So Keith quickly saddled the two trouble makers with the task of cleaning up all the mess they made, apologizing to the people they pissed off, had threatened to stop his hand – to – hand training with Zack and ban Reno from the Turks weapon dealer for a month.

The two immediately set out to complete their assigned task, and Keith went to find a quiet place to crash.

Sephiroth said nothing when Keith passed out on his office couch, momentarily pausing in his work to throw a blanket over his friend, and informed Omael that Keith would not be able to meet the scientist for lunch.

No one talked about the Glitter Incident again.

-o0o-

 _A/N: So yep, there's this one. I'll be working on Mother Bear Meet Chocobo Chick, but working on the 21st Birthday Celebration at the same time. I'll probably post the Mother Bear and Chocobo Chick chapter first, but we'll cross the bridge when we get to it._

 _P.S. Keith's mood was determined by how I really am now. I only managed to eat an apple before leaving the house to get the train, bought some chips and V when I got to the university, and after my lecture bought some more. They are very good, and I chuck a lot of chicken salt onto it (which makes it taste amazing)._

 _(A very sleep deprived) LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	16. Chp 15: Mother Bear Meet Chocobo Chick

_Okay, so I somehow typed this sucker up and instead of it being cute and fluffy like I thought it might turn out, instead my mind just shut down and so I waited until I got home to try again. Weirdly enough, due to Natsume Yuujinchou OST music, it took a solemn turn, and also because of Sephiroth somehow convincing me to buy energy drinks when I browsed the supermarket, when I came home, I sat down, put the music on to get into the mood, drank a can of Red Bull (it takes horrendous!) and this emotional stuff just spewed out._

 _I myself was very . . . confused at how it became like this._

 _And I may have somehow chucked in a little plot development?_

 _Keith: I'm lost too, I have no idea how you got to this point.  
Liulfr: Blame Sephiroth, he made me drink Red Bull.  
Sephiroth: Which tasted rather differently than I expected. It left an odd tingling in the jaw . . .  
Liulfr: And you started composing notes on the energy drinks you've tried already!  
Keith: Right . . . let's just . . . yep. (o_o)  
Liulfr: So, you know, I don't own the FFVII franchise, any characters you recognize belong to them, not me. _

_So before I backtrack, I'm posting this one up because I have no idea what the flip I have written, but I am very reluctant to change it._

 _Note to self: Don't write when on energy drinks._

 ** _What happens when a Mother Bear gets introduced to a Chocobo Chick?_**

 ** _(Fueled by energy drinks and sleep deprivation)._**

 ** _Chapter 15: Mother Bear Meet Chocobo Chick_**

Prompt: Angeal in Mother Chocobo mode with Cloud as the ruffled chick that doesn't act like it but secretly likes being mothered . . . . (thanks to Freerunner4427)

-o0o-

There was a pair of eyes staring at him.

The colour of a clear blue sky and framed with sun gold yellow.

These eyes just so happened to belong to a baby faced cadet who was currently teetering on the brink of collapse, judging from the way he kept blinking, shoulders slumped and golden coloured hair sticking out everywhere.

When Zack declared he wanted to introduce his newest friend to Angeal, he had not expected this frankly adorable boy who didn't even look like SOLDIER material (in his honest opinion). Angeal had been the first person Zack wanted to introduce his friend to, as a thick skin needed to be developed first before one met Genesis, who was all too happy to throw jagged barbs without thinking of the consequences.

And if they met Genesis' approval, then perhaps the person could move on to Sephiroth.

He didn't need to explain the reasons for that.

"So, 'Geal, this is Cloud. Cloud, this is Angeal." Zack announced proudly, one arm wrapped around the blonde boy's shoulders, probably the only reason why the boy was standing upright at the moment.

"Um, hello." The cadet, Cloud, spoke with a soft voice, exhaustion lacing his tone and shifting awkwardly in Zack's grasp.

Angeal could really only compare the boy to a sleepy baby chocobo chick, and if he knew Zack well (and he knew he did), his student had made friends with this boy for a reason.

And Zack was all too well aware of Angeal's protective Mama Bear instincts.

-o0o-

Angeal and Keith were similar to each other in various ways.

Not many people would realise they had those things in common, but there was one thing the whole Tower knew that the two shared.

They both had a tendency to pick up strays.

Keith's strays were the lab subjects, and Angeal's strays were troublesome friends (per example, Sephiroth, Genesis and Zack).

So it wasn't that much of a surprise that they both took Cloud under their protection. Keith was more of the physical protector, while Angeal catered to the mental and emotional issues.

So on the rare occasion Zack managed to drag Cloud over for a night, Angeal did his best to make sure the Nibelhelm native was well fed and felt safe. Cloud was always flustered and awkward every time he came over, but after the eighth visit, the blonde wasn't bothered by the fact that he had a specific mug for his use only stashed away in a cupboard. Angeal sometimes caught a soft smile on Cloud's face when the boy thought no one was looking, and kept that fact to himself.

Angeal sometimes offered to help Cloud with some of his course work when he saw the boy struggling, but the cadet always said he was fine. Overtime, it became apparent to Angeal that Cloud was the sort to quickly refuse help and do it himself, but still felt touched that someone wanted to help him. So instead he gave the boy access to the tools he needed, both to satisfy his Mother Bear instincts and to give Cloud the help he required.

As the months passed, Angeal often caught Cloud with Keith around the building, and slowly came to the realisation that both blondes had several things in common.

Both wore a prickly exterior to protect themselves from people they didn't know, leading him to suspect that the two had a rough childhood growing up. However, while Cloud was the type to be stubborn and refuse help due to being so used to not having it in the first place, Keith had instead decided to place himself in a role where he could give help to those who did not have it.

That seemed to fit ticked all the boxes of his Mother Bear criteria and he found himself checking up on the man through Sephiroth. His silver haired friend eventually caught onto why Angeal was interested in the janitor, and happily told him how Keith was every now and then.

-o0o-

Cloud was all too well aware of Angeal's unofficial 'Mother Bear' title in the ranks of SHINRA.

It truly fit the broad shouldered and muscular man, and eventually over many visits, he had become used to Angeal's doting.

But when Angeal's doting also began to shift to Keith, that really set alarm bells ringing off in Cloud's head.

Angeal only doted on those who really needed the affection, he certainly knew he needed it, he was as stubborn as a mule after being exposed to the bigotry and traditionalism of Nibelhelm. It wasn't a habit he could easily drop, as it had become integrated into his personality, a reason why he didn't have many friends among the cadets.

Keith though . . .

Keith was someone he saw as strong, confident, and after several chats over lunch, he knew that the man had also had a similar childhood to Cloud. However, he had survived it, come to Midgar, made a name for himself and had a job that put him in a position of power. The fact that Angeal felt like he needed to be a Mama Bear to the much older man, was startling.

And after this realisation, he began to notice what Angeal had seen all along.

Keith literally ran himself down to the bone, ensuring everyone else's safety over his own.

When there was an emergency, despite all Keith's grumblings, the man was there in a flash, dealing with the problem so quickly that others wondered how they didn't see the solution right in front of their noses. He made his temper known so that troublemakers knew they would suffer his wrath if they tried anything, letting others see him as a cranky old janitor.

And when he was run ragged, he merely slipped a smile on his face and pushed through the pain.

Behind that smile was a tale of pain, of abuse and of hardship, of a man in dire need of help to carry the burden he bears.

But instead of letting others share his burden, Keith took all of it upon his shoulders and let others live their lives.

Keith had done so much for the employees of SHINRA, and very few people acknowledged his hard work.

The day Cloud realised the truth, he made a vow.

The day that Keith could no longer carry that burden, he would be there to pick him up.

And he had no doubt that Keith's makeshift family would do the same.

-o0o-

And so, somehow, Angeal became the Mother Bear for not one, but two Chocobo's in the Tower.

-o0o-

Keith was happy that Cloud had Angeal to be there for him. Even though Cloud had a safe haven in his office, Keith couldn't always be there for the Nibelhelm raised cadet. Angeal was relentless when it came to being a Mama Bear, once he found someone to protect, he stuck to that person.

Cloud was like a tiny chocobo chick, one that had been neglected and bullied for being different than the others.

Kindness would make him ruffle his feathers, distrustful of new people that he couldn't read or understand their intentions. Everyone had an agenda, and unlike most people who had faith in the goodness of others, Cloud had only seen a speck of that light. He had grown up seeing the cruelness of humanity, of how petty and ignorant humankind could be to a very impressionable child.

So Keith was relieved to see that Angeal wanted Cloud to get leave that past behind, to see through the mask that Nibelhelm had created, to see that other people truly did care about him.

It was something that Keith had learned years ago, once you left the cold Nibel mountains, there were good people out there.

Midgar was a world away from the stiff, traditional windbags of Nibelhelm. It was a place of various ideals, dubious morals, but full of good people (if you knew the rights places).

It was a great place to reinvent oneself, and become a person in the background.

Because everyone underestimates the observer.

A long time ago, Keith might have just been satisfied with that role. But when he entered SHINRA, he simply couldn't just stand back and watch things unfold. There was a reason why he worked so hard to get to the position that he had today, he could do what he needed to do without anyone questioning him and his motives.

He had a position of power, and with that power, perhaps he could bring about the change that this Tower sorely needed.

But for now, he had to sit back and wait for his chance to arrive.

Still, that didn't mean he couldn't enjoy the time in – between.

-o0o-

 _A/N: So, there's this one. I'll be working on the next chapter after I get some work done on my Latin._

 _Next time:_ _ **Chapter 16: 21st Birthday Celebration**_

 _Where some people get drunk and shenanigans ensue._

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	17. Interlude Chapter 1

**INTERLUDE CHAPTER #1**

 **Updating the Followers**

Keith: Liulfr? Are you okay?  
Liulfr: _*groans piteously and burrows back under blankets*_  
Keith: ( ⁰ ˆ ⁰;) . . . _*looks to Sephiroth with an angry glare*_  
Sephiroth: What?! ∟(⁰ ˆ ⁰∟)  
Liulfr: Sephiroth, Gaia damn it, you made her ill!  
Sephiroth: Huh? How? ( ┘⁰ ˆ ⁰) ┘  
Keith: #(●─●) Your energy drink addiction. You forget she is not a mako – enhanced individual and she cannot consume the same amount as you can without it causing side effects. She cannot keep up with the amount you wish to consume, and so now she's like this.  
Sephiroth: _*Pokes at the lump of blankets in confusion*_  
Liulfr: _*Pops head out of blankets and scowls at Sephiroth*_ Sephiroth, by the gods, I love you and all but right now, I feel like crap. I know you want me to try out different energy drinks to find out which one you like the most, and now I'm regretting letting you have that control.  
Sephiroth: What do you mean? _*Fearful that his energy drink supply might be cut off*  
_ Keith: If a normal human drinks these energy drinks daily, it can cause stomach problems, nausea, insomnia, and a ton of other things.  
Liulfr: I can feel the insomnia now, I have a slight headache and I have stomach cramps that feel like my monthly came early. I also am fighting the urge to vomit.  
Sephiroth: ( ● ˰ ●) . . .  
Keith: She's cutting off your supply Seph.  
Sephiroth: ( √◦ ◊ ◦)√ NO! NOT MY ENERGY DRINKS!  
Liulfr: Look, I'm going to finish off the last few that I have, and then no more energy drinks. Savour it while you can, but I can't keep drinking anymore of them.  
Sephiroth: (◌ ▫ ◌) . . . . . . .  
Keith: I think you broke him.  
Liulfr: Well, right now I don't care. I have an assignment to do, so I'm going to focus on that and I don't have time to be killing my organs via caffeine overdose. So Sephiroth has to suck it up and be a man.

 _A/N: I felt like I needed to update you on my progress on the latest chapter. Needless to say from what you've read in the interlude . . ._

 _It isn't going that well._

 _I've only now just realised what Sephiroth's energy drink addiction has done to me, I've been trying to sit down and write but I'm restless and my mind is a blank. So, for now, I will be taking a little while to finish up my Latin assignment and am cutting myself off from energy drinks (but I need to finish the last two cans that I bought over the next two days). Sephiroth will have to suffer, but I rather not be in unnecessary pain while trying to write (and fail at) the next chapter._

 _Hope you enjoyed this short and very tiny excerpt of the conversation that happen between me, Keith and Sephiroth (which usually turn up as author notes before the chapters) and the craziness that is my mind when hyped up on too much caffeine._

 _LiulfrLokison out!_ ( ⁰ ˇ ⁰) ┘


	18. Chp 16: 21st Birthday Celebrations

_Hi guys! I am so sorry for the late update, it took a while for me to get back into the swing of things, ChaosBalance was an absolute godsend and helped me to get this chapter finished. So really this chapter was more of co - written than actually being beta - edited._

 _Keith: You thoroughly enjoyed yourself though, I feel like you might have woken up your neighbours from the laughter._  
 _Liulfr: I hope not, it was like, 12 in the morning . . ._  
 _Keith: Well, hopefully you're back into a writing mood._  
 _Liulfr: Yep, I think I am, so the next chapter might be easier to write than this one was_  
 _Keith: And of course, LiulfrLokison does not own the FFVII franchise, if she did, I am sure that things would be very confusing and chaotic._

 _Hope you enjoy!_

 _ **Chapter 16: 21st Birthday Celebrations**_

 _Prompt: University graduation setup + the smell of alcohol + browsing through supermarket aisles for wayyy too long . . . spawned this idea._

 _-o0o-_

 _ **It is considerably hard to get a SOLDIER drunk, but somehow they managed. And of course, chaos ensued.**_

-o0o-

Everything tasted like ass.

Those were the first words that popped into his head when Sephiroth came to.

He did not know why his head felt like he had gone ten rounds with a dragon and he had lost every single time, but he was going to assume it had something to do with why he had woken up in an old playground that was in dire need of a paint job.

Even in his current compromised state (which he would find out later was due to copious amounts of alcohol), he could see the sprawled figures of his friends. Zack and Reno, the devil duo as he liked to call them, were a pile of messy limbs at the base of the slide, and he knew one of them would wake up with a sore back.

Genesis, his eternal rival was on top of the round crawl space (he had no idea what the thing was except it had ears), and by some miracle wasn't sliding off. Angeal was slumped up against the same structure, Sephiroth could hear light snores but pitied Angeal, for the older man would wake up with a painful crick in his neck.

What in the world had happened last night?

-o0o-

Genesis had been the second to wake up, clearly still under the influence of alcohol as the red leather clad man stumbled when dismounting the playground structure. Genesis happened to own a smaller red leather jacket and of course wore it out everywhere when he was in casual clothing. The others were quick to wake up once doused with cold water. Sephiroth was glad that Keith had let him keep the cast off of a Mastered Water materia (but never told him where he got it from), and had been levelling it up as much as he could.

Once immediately finding out that their wallets were gone, but replaced with a note from Keith, Sephiroth quickly dialled his friend. (It seemed he was the only one left with his phone).

It was currently 10am on a Sunday, so Sephiroth had been quite worried when Keith didn't answer his phone immediately.

Hearing a click that the call had been answered, Sephiroth opened his mouth and was about to speak when he heard the ominous sound of growling instead of Keith's normal greeting.

"Keith?" Sephiroth couldn't help the tremor in his voice, he had heard Keith growl like that before, but it was never directed at him.

 _"Fuck you."_

The call was angrily disconnected, and Sephiroth didn't even notice when his phone slipped from his hand, the pure venom and fury in Keith's voice was enough to traumatize even the toughest of men.

Seriously, what in the world had happened last night?

-o0o-

After a tedious and highly stressful trip back up onto the plate, the five hung-over SHINRA employees were congregated outside of Keith's apartment door.

The trip back had taken longer than they would have usually, because of their lack of wallets, and Keith only decided to give them instructions on how to get back up onto the plate via text twenty minutes after he had hung up on Sephiroth. The train conductor had been quite bemused at their appearance and once confirming they were the ones Keith had informed him of about in the early hours of that morning, let them onto the train.

Said train decided to break down and they spent another half an hour waiting around until it was repaired.

It was not a good start to their morning.

And now, here they were, standing in front of the dragons den, fearful of how Keith would react and wondering what in the name of the almighty had they done to piss him off that badly.

It was Cloud that opened the door, with such a smug grin on his perfectly fine (and non – hung-over) face.

"BABA, THE IDIOTS ARE BACK!"

His shouting certainly didn't help with their headaches (sometimes enhanced hearing was not worth the benefits), and all five men winced as their heads rang.

However, they didn't really care about their headaches the moment they saw Keith.

Gone was the cheerful janitor that they all knew and loved, in his place was a downright terrifying sight.

The normally immaculately dressed man was only wearing a pair of drawstring pants that were slung low on his hips, a brightly coloured pink towel hanging over his shoulders, damp blonde hair that currently resembled a bird's nest, and one of his eyes was constantly twitchy.

His body had the faint odour of booze, and his posture was lax, as if he really had no motivation to even stand, let alone walk.

Even Sephiroth shuddered as Keith's normally bright blue eyes regarded them with the force of a blizzard, and they all heard Reno's faint squeak.

"You have no idea."

Keith's voice was low, full of rage and sounding on the edge of insanity.

"How much I loathe you morons right now."

Not even Angeal had an answer for Keith, and it was baffling to see the usually calm and collected SOLDIER at a lost for words.

Eventually Cloud was the one to break up their mini-staring contest (which Keith was currently winning), showing a confidence that none but Keith had been privileged to witness before this day.

"Get in here and sit down."

Considering the fact that they were all severely hung-over and fearing for their lives, none of them dared to question Cloud's authority (despite the fact he was only a cadet, something that slipped even Sephiroth's mind), they slipped through the door and scurried to the nearest available seat.

Only to be confused by the multitude of plastic bags littered around the couches.

"Did you go …... shopping?" Reno asked in a hesitant voice, peering up with scared bright green eyes glistening with unshed tears of terror.

Keith said nothing, slamming his apartment door closed in a way that made them all wince at the loud bang that assaulted their delicate ears.

"That."

Keith pointed to the small plastic molehill taking up most of his living room floor.

"Would be your doing."

Clearly seeing how the five men were absolutely drawing a complete blank at what the plastic bags were even doing there in the first place, Keith let out a heavy sigh and ran a hand through his damp locks.

"Look, I'm tired, sore, there's an itch in my brain, and I have no time for your bullshit. Last night, you got stone ass drunk, and decided to nearly buy out the whole grocery store."

Seeing as this didn't help them recollect the night before, Keith continued on his rant.

"It was a complete nightmare to keep you lot in check. Even Tseng gave up."

Cloud then decided to intervene in the conversation.

"Here Sephiroth, have a cat."

The silver haired General in question was startled to have a grey feline with bright green eyes similar to his, dumped into his lap.

And of course, he started to sneeze.

They all heard Keith's irritated mumbling in the background as the man had buried his face into his hands. ("Cloud, you little shit, did you have to do that when I was trying to make a point?")

Not many people knew, but Sephiroth had a slight …... allergy, to cats. Which was kind of ironic when you considered the fact most of his fans likened him to the felines.

Eventually Genesis was the first one to break and pity Sephiroth, almost snatching the cat up and removing it from the room.

"Whose cat?" Sephiroth managed to choke out once he had finished his mild (and that's putting it lightly) sneezing fit.

"Yours."

"But, my allergies - "

"I told you that but you wouldn't listen, even when I reminded you about it when you picked him out. You were so drunk that your allergies didn't react to him, you held that cat for five minutes and the lady running the shop thought I was lying about your allergies so you wouldn't get a cat."

It didn't help that the shop owner was one of Sephiroth's fangirls and so hadn't even questioned it when Sephiroth declared he was adopting the cat.

"Then you, somehow, got it into your heads that we should go under the plate and drink some more there, so you dumped the cat and the bags here, before dragging me and Cloud along with you. To say the least, I was not impressed. You bought a lot of frozen items, and they left a sodden puddle in my carpet."

Angeal winced at the sight of melted ice-cream that had stained the pale cream coloured carpet, he knew that would not be easy to get out after soaking there for several hours.

"And I'm not even sure why you decided you needed some of the things you bought. You insisted on taco shells, seriously, tacos shells. I don't know what the hell you were on, but you wanted taco shells!"

"They wanted to make a fort out of taco shells." Cloud commented from the kitchen, clearly enjoying the conversation from the mirth in his voice.

That sounded reasonable, given Zack's tendencies to build structures when drunk off his ass. Last time he had tried to make a mini tank out of biscuits. It never worked out, and left a ton of crumbs on the bathroom floor. And don't even question why he wanted to build it in the bathroom.

Genesis returned at the moment, and asked a question that they all had been dying to ask but hadn't found the right moment during Keith's ranting.

"How come you and Cloud aren't hung-over? I'm pretty sure I recall you guys drinking as much as we were."

Cloud merely snickered at Genesis's question, but both blondes responded with the same answer, in chorus.

"We're from Nibelheim."

In response, Zack leapt up from his seat and exclaimed to the heavens "That's not an answer!", before getting tangled with a couch cushion and face planted into the floor.

"OKAY, I'M DONE WITH THIS!"

Keith's random outburst made them all jump, the man in question throwing his arms up and dislodging the pink towel (they were still wondering why he had that thing) and proceeded to grab a few of the plastic bags from the floor.

"Cloud, you explain. I need to eat something or I'm going to try and strangle one of them."

The human chocobo promptly nodded and took a seat on the floor, Mini-Cloud (who had been rather quiet) made a small peeping noise as the furball almost lost his perch.

"First thing you should know, Nibelheim is the town where the first Mako reactor was built."

That was something they were all aware of, but knew nothing else about the town as it was rather isolated and mainly known for it's wolves and dragons. Not many people ventured out that way, and Cloud (and more recently, Keith) was really the only person they knew who had grown up in the mountain town.

"Since it's hard to get supplies in there, we don't have much medicine, let alone anaesthetics. So, the only alternative is alcohol to numb the pain. And we can get our hands on a lot of booze there, the townspeople don't do much other than drink or whine about outsiders. That being, me and Keith. So, what do you get when you're an outsider in a town of traditionalists?"

Genesis and Angeal had a vague idea of what Cloud was going to say, they also had grown up in a town similar to Nibelheim, but the hate there wasn't as intense as Nibelheim's seemed to be.

Seeing as none of them was going to give a spoken answer, Cloud did it for them.

"I got beat up a lot by the town children. Which meant lots of injuries and lots of practice drinking alcohol. I didn't have it as bad as Keith though, from what he's told me, he spent a lot of time up on the mountain and got into regular scraps with the wolves. Don't know if he's ever ran into a dragon though. He was on his own in Nibelheim, and didn't have anyone to support him against the hate. So he probably drank a lot more than I did. At least I had my mother."

The atmosphere had taken a rather sullen mood, but Keith appeared with a tiny frying pan in his grasp and promptly banged it on the counter.

"Enough with the doom and gloom. Reno, check your Midtube feed and you'll find an interesting clip of last night."

Reno nearly fell backwards over the couch in his attempt to catch his phone when it had been tossed into his face. Cloud promptly blanched at Keith's words, turning to the older man with a look of 'don't-tell-me-you-posted-it' and receiving a raised eyebrow with the expression of 'how-could-I-not?'

While Cloud despaired and Keith smirked triumphantly, Genesis let out a small snigger as Reno had apparently found the video that Keith was hoping for them to see.

"Doesn't explain why there is a video of you doing a SOLDIER SINKER slide in a bar without batting an eye, then Seph damn near dying while trying to copy."

Keith promptly let out a cackle of delight as Sephiroth apparently remembered some bits and pieces of last night's revelry, a noise sounding like a mix between a tone-deaf cat and a man's dying breath escaping his throat.

"The clip is titled 'Nibelheim Cadet vs Shinra General - Drinking Contest' by the way."

Reno began to read some of the comments aloud, which lead to Genesis laughing to the point he was struggling to breathe, and Cloud trying to sink between the couch cushions.

As if to add insult to injury, Keith caught their attention again.

"And that, wasn't the worst of what happened."

"And how could that not be the worst thing to happen? Sephiroth is completely wasted!" Reno asked but winced as he was still pretty hung-over.

"That . . . incident . . . . . occurred at 2:39AM this morning. While you were all plastered, me and Cloud being the only sober ones there, you sent Tseng a multitude of drunk texts. He was not happy to be woken up at 3 in the morning to read about your escapades."

Keith promptly showed them a screenshot of what Tseng had sent to him over the phone.

 _Reno - 'COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!'_

Reno could vaguely remember passing through the train graveyard at some point during his drunken stupor.

"This, is one that I sent to Tseng shortly after the drinking incident."

 _Keith - 'Okay, the good news, found Zack, all ID's accounted for, the bad news, they are all blacked out'_  
 _Keith - 'Update: Lost Reno, banned from the karaoke bar, and possibly broke the cameras in the bathrooms.'_

"And this, is one that I sent to you when you decided it was a good idea to break into the theatre to raid the costume department."

 _Genesis - 'I'm saying 'I told you so' now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher.'_

Judging from Genesis' wide eyed expression, the materia master was befuddled and horrified to realise he had broken into one of his most sacred of places.

"Why would you need a fire extinguisher?" Zack piped up, drawing attention to where he was still sprawled on the floor, but had been joined by Reno as they scrolled through their Twitter feeds.

"Genesis declared he was going to burn the mockery of a script that the 'buffoons' had written in the latest version of LOVELESS. I managed to stop him before he got to the script room and confiscated his materia. This was before you guys even got it into your heads that we needed more booze. I'm actually quite glad you drank more under the plate than when we were still topside. I can't imagine what else you might have done in that state of intoxication, considering how Reno decided it was a good idea to go skinny dipping in the Sector 0 fountain."

Reno made some sort of choking noise at the same moment, no doubt having found a picture Zack had taken, where Keith was trying and failing to drag him away from said fountain.

"I tried." Keith shrugged as Reno found the picture of himself in the fountain and trying to persuade the others to join him. Tseng had not looked pleased at all.

"After the impromptu drinking contest between Cloud and the esteemed General, you lot wanted to test just how good at drinking people from Nibelheim were. Since Cloud was scheduled for patrols this morning, I was forced to take his place. You made me out drink the entire bar, and these were Slum occupants, nearly as bad as Nibelheimers."

Judging from how Keith still reeked of booze despite having showered, he must have drunk quite a lot.

"They also aren't pleased, since the Cat's Eye is one of the places that know of my reputation with alcohol, luckily their patrons that night didn't know about that fact. I can't step into that bar for at least a month until they replenish their stocks."

"You out – drank an entire bar?!" Zack shrieked as they realised what Keith had just informed them about, causing looks of awe and complete horror on the five hung-over men's faces.

"Yes, I've done it once before, when I was still in my teens. Didn't think I could still do that; the first time I out – drank the Nibelheim pub so that they would stop bitching about my feminine looks. They weren't pleased that they had to order new booze from Rocket Town, but it kept them off my back until I left."

"Again. How?! There is no way you could do that and not be enhanced! Mako triples the metabolism rate."

"Think about it. Faulty reactor, local river, townsfolk that hated me, so I couldn't really get filtered water. Nibelheim is rich in mako, so over time I accumulated natural mako in my body." Keith gave them a look like they were stupid as he spoke, Cloud nodding in agreement at the statement.

"It also explains why I'm sensitive to mako, since I've only ever had the pure stuff diluted in water. Hojo has marked my file with that, and a note to see whether or not I could become as strong as a SOLDIER naturally. He's got me on a steady stream of the more concentrated stuff, which is why I got excused from the physical classes." Cloud seemed rather proud of that.

"Only Omael knows about it though, if Hollander was ever to find out . . . Believe me, I will not hesitate to throw him from the top of the SHINRA tower if he ever tries to test on me or Cloud for research." Keith added with a growl at the very thought of the portly scientist. Everyone was aware he and Hollander were on bad terms, ever since they first met each other. It had been quite memorable to see the blonde berate Hollander who had subtly insulted Omael in front of him, implying that his colleague preyed on younger men. (Keith had looked quite young when he had first joined the company).

Cloud then perked up a little, as if remembering something.

"Oh, right! Hojo also said that if my results pan out, he was going to switch the current SOLDIER's over to the more natural stuff, since it results in less downtime cause they don't have to have the injections and the more pure mako is actually more stable then the stuff they use now."

Judging from the look on Keith's face, none of them were supposed to know about that, but they really couldn't care because the hang – over was really making itself known.

Apparently Keith could see their discomfort clearly on their face, and dumped a tray of water and painkillers onto the coffee table.

"Take those, and I'll get some breakfast going. And maybe you can start going through what's salvageable from your drunken purchases."

Not wanting to bring Keith's wrath back down upon them, they quickly threw the pills back and dove into the mound of plastic bags.

-o0o-

"What's with all the cough lozenges?"

"Why is there custard? None of us like custard."

"Sephiroth, you don't need more chocolate milk. You're fridge is full to bursting already!"

"Genesis, this hand sanitizer must be yours. You're the clean freak."

"Oh, found the chocolate bars."

"Sephiroth, Sephiroth! Calm down! They only melted a little!"

"Seph, just eat one. Keith is pissed off as he is, so don't – "

"SHUT UP IN THERE! I HAVE A KNIFE AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO HURL IT AT YOUR HEADS!"

-o0o-

 _A/N: Well, that is another chapter done and dusted, the next chapter will be a little trip down memory lane, including a few characters that were sort of introduced in the early chapters. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, chapter 18 is going to be a prompt one that I was given, but I just haven't gotten to yet._

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	19. Chp 17: Coffee Dates (A Turk Story)

_Hi guys, it's been a while . . . sorry about the long delay but this chapter was just being a bit tedious and I really wanted to get some more stuff in to up the word count, it's shorter than usual, but this is as much as I could get out._

 _Keith: Well, you are approaching your first assignments, so you have been sort of stressed.  
Liulfr: Yeah, on that note, just letting you guys know it might be some thing before the next chapter update because it is getting so close to those assignments. So I will be going on a temporary hiatus until those first assignments are over (I have a class test) and a lot of reading to get caught up on (Waverly is a very . . . very long novel with small print).  
Keith: Per usual, Liulfr does not own any characters you recognize from the FFVII fandom, besides the characters she herself has made up.  
Liulfr: Hope you enjoy the chapter!_

 ** _Chapter 17: Coffee Dates (A Turk Story)_**

 _Zack's jelly prank did result in one good thing . . ._

-o0o-

Everyone in the Tower was aware of Keith's bad mood, considering how the pictures of Sephiroth's 21st was rapidly spread online by his fans.

It also helped that Keith literally oozed an aura of _'don't – mess – with – me – because – I – will – fuck – you – over'_ that even the most ditziest of secretaries couldn't ignore. No one, not even Hollander wanted to face his wrath, especially as when the General returned for work sporting a visible scar on his cheek and a minor haircut, Reno and Zack were quick to spread the reason of how it happened.

(Apparently Sephiroth wasn't quick enough to dodge all the knives that got thrown his way while mourning the melted chocolate they found).

So Keith was in a reasonably happy mood when he wasn't forced to clean up coffee spills or round up another of Hollander's experiments that escaped. It was fun to watch the employees flinch as he entered a room, and deciding to keep the Tower on their toes, he had decided to do a check of all the supply rooms on all the floors.

He did need to make sure he was still in shape and it was around the time of month to check the stocks anyway.

However, he didn't expect to walk into the 17th floor office supply room and come across a secretary snogging the life out of a ruffled looking Turk. The brunette honey eyed secretary let out a mortified squeak when Keith cleared his throat, the blonde hazel eyed Turk choking at the smirk on the janitor's face.

These two weren't exactly strangers to Keith, he had run into both of them during Zack's jelly prank many months ago. The secretary was the one that the Turk had run into, resulting in stained clothes, minor burns and a narrowly missed concussion. Keith had spent some time calming the secretary down while making some ice packs, the Turk quickly peeling out of his ruined shirt for a towel snatched from a nearby bathroom.

Keith had been forced to leave the two alone to sort out another mishap, and so had forgotten about the two until now, although he knew that they saw him as a father figure when he ran into the two around the tower sometimes.

It looked like the two had gotten very well acquainted from that incident, considering how the two were locking lips.

While the two stared at him in both terror and embarrassment, Keith decided to go out on a limb.

"So, how about lunch?"

And that was how he ended up sitting with the two in a café learning about how they had gotten together over tea and sandwiches.

-o0o-

"So, was it a love at first sight thing or gradual over time thing?"

Keith couldn't help but chuckle as both younger adults stumbled to give a reply without flushing deep red. Susan was fun to tease, but really it was watching Janus' differing reactions due to his bi – polar syndrome that Keith enjoyed. He would go from quiet stammering to furious swearing in the blink of an eye, which turned out to be one of the reasons why Susan found him so interesting. She said it made him spontaneous and Janus liked that she didn't care. His previous few relationships had gone sour due to his mental condition, his girlfriends hadn't liked how his mood switched so suddenly and kept tip – toeing around him, and that just irritated him even more.

That had been one of the key parts of their relationship, and Janus found he liked all of Susan's little quirks and the rare bursts of her sassy attitude, she had quite the sharp tongue when angered.

The two were perfect for each other in every sense of the word, two parts of a puzzle that fit together.

And it was quite refreshing to watch their interactions, something that he sorely needed in his bland and mundane daily routines.

-o0o-

Three days had passed since Keith had gone into 'cataclysmic mode' as Genesis described it, and the whole Tower were expecting it to go on for about a week (as his moods tended to last), but instead found themselves faced with a perfectly happy janitor on the fourth day.

No one knew how he had cooled off so quickly, but none of them were willing to ask him how and set him off into another they mood.

Of course, some were interested in how this came about in case of future incidences, and so the investigation began.

The investigation went rather smoothly, except for the time someone decided to snoop through Keith's office and was chased out by Cronkle (who had been napping and had not been quite appreciative of someone rummaging through drawers and in the purple lizard's annoyance, had spat out a tongue of fire at the unfortunate victim's neck).

Keith's daily routine was the same as always, but after a few days of observing the janitor from a distance, they noticed that every other day he left the building to go have lunch. Now, that was normal, Keith often left the building to have lunch outside on the plate, but instead of going to his usual haunt (the Chocolate Ranch being one of them), he had been going to a small café that was tucked away on the corner of a street, one that had a cosy interior but one that most general people would avoid.

And nobody was expecting to see a Turk, a secretary, and a janitor having a pleasant chat over a plate of donuts.

After they ran through employee records, they found out the secretary was one that worked in the PR department on the tenth floor, her name was Susan Lance and she had quite the knack for handling rabid fans who called the PR department from time to time.

The Turk went by the codename Janus, and also happened to have a bipolar disorder (but not many people were aware of that besides).

It took a couple of hours to figure out how the three had come to know each other, which was solved when someone mentioned that Miss. Lance and Janus had been the only major causalities during the Jelly Prank incident, and Keith had been the one to tend to them before running off to sort out another mess caused by the prank. They were also one of the many people that Zack had seen calling Keith their dad in some sort of way.

When they managed to catch the two outside of those lunch breaks, they promptly informed them that Keith had sort of caught them in a supply closet, and they went to get lunch. After that, it became a sort of routine to have lunch, talking about idle gossip and some of the funny things that happened during the week in their respective departments. It was a great way for Keith to de – stress, and the two were eager to change Keith's mood. Because a happy Keith meant that the whole Tower wouldn't be on their toes, and they happened to really like the donuts at the café.

The whole Tower learned a valuable lesson that day.

If Keith was ever as pissed off as he had been, just sent Susan and Janus to drag him out for a lunch break.

It would save them a whole lot of time, patience and a whole lot of ink and paper.

(Some people had been so scared that they caused so many errors in their paperwork, meaning more had to be printed out).

-o0o-

The Tower then found out after a few days that perhaps having those two as the only ones who could sort out Keith when he was in a horrible mood was . . .

Not exactly the best idea ever.

Because apparently Cloud had gotten into their lunch dates on the rare occasions he didn't have classes or patrols, and he just so happened to be a wealth of information.

All those random guards shifts he got assigned certainly gave bountiful opportunities to overhear the best and juiciest gossip that SHINRA had to offer.

Susan heard a lot of rumours through the ramblings of crazed fans, and she was very adept at shifting through the crap and the truth that they presented.

And of course Janus was a Turk, so he certainly kept his ears peeled for interesting conversations.

The first thing Keith did with all this bountiful information was to blackmail Hollander.

 _(It turned out that he was yet again attempting to get some highly dangerous animal to experiment on, and Keith really did not want to deal with another Tonberry fiasco)._

No one wanted to know what he had used to blackmail the tediously annoying scientist, but they certainly weren't complaining.

Seeing how Keith was in a very happy mood for the week after successfully blackmailing one of his most irritating of colleagues (not that he considered Hollander to be one), there was no one who wanted to set him off again.

-o0o-

At some point, even Genesis got in on the lunch dates, declaring that the café did the best pastries he had ever tasted (besides Angeal's), and benefited quite well from Susan's information.

He had gone to great lengths to avoid those accursed rabid fangirls that had split off the Study Group, the Red Leather.

They were quite annoying when they were thrown a bone, and often tried to ambush him in public when he was out of the Tower on the rare occasion he didn't have a mission. And seeing how Susan dealt with them on a daily basis, the information she managed to pry from the ramblings certainly helped him to avoid several ambushes in the following days (he paid for Susan's lunch the next time they met up for her help).

Eventually even Sephiroth dropped in a few times, as he had been tempted when Genesis went on about the great chocolate croissants at the café (and of course being a chocoholic he had to try them).

The café were quite happy for their patronage, and since it was so unknown any profit was welcome, and the SHINRA employees were just glad for the privacy the café gave them.

And by the goddess, they certainly needed the peace and quiet the café provided.

Perhaps they should introduce Tseng to this place . . .

-o0o-

 _A/N: And there we go, another chapter done and dusted._

 _Next chapter, we'll have a certain flower girl that everyone knows and love turn up, in a way that I'm not even sure of myself yet._

 _But of course, it's going to be a while before that chapter turns up (assignment's suck but they are part of the grade), so I just hope I don't keep you all waiting long._

 _Thanks yet again for reading and supporting this crack prompt story!_

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	20. Chp 18: The Flower Girl

_A simple flower girl and a bored janitor._

 _This is how they met._

 _But of course a certain Puppy gets involved._

 _-o0o-_

 _Wow . . . I haven't touched this one in a while . . . Aerith's chapter got me a little stuck and so I sort of brushed it to the side, but ChaosBalance finally got me out of the slump for this chapter and now it is complete! Thanks for being a great beta editor!_

 _The prompt for chapter was '_ _ **ren7720:have Keith meet Aerith n help with her gardening, become a regular customer or father figure, any variation would do could make him be the reason Zack n Aerith met'**_ _and so it has now been completed!_

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters that your recognize, they belong to their respective owners.

-o0o-

Keith was no stranger to the slums.

So it wasn't unusual for him to slip down there in his free time, meeting old friends and rustling up gossip. His fingers were in many pots, and he liked to keep it that way. He often came across the Turks who were doing their own thing, and since Tseng had so much trust in Keith, the Turks as a whole knew he was perfectly safe to talk with.

So it came as no surprise that he got dumped with an assignment from a blubbering Turk trainee who was completely done with their daily mission.

He had heard about the 'Flower of the Slums', but had never seen the rumoured person in the flesh.

And so he was more than happy to take up the assignment from the burly 30 year old male who was currently blubbering into his shoulder. (Keith was so glad he wasn't wearing one of his goods shirts today).

Once sending the sniffling Turk on his way, Keith began to weave his way through the throngs of slum dwellers towards Sector 5, having been given specific instructions to head towards the church amongst the 'sky-high' mounds of scrap metal and trash. It was quite easy to follow those instructions as Sector 5 was literally the dumping ground of the remains from the original Midgar Plate project.

He didn't normally have any business around the scrap heaps, and never had a reason to wander into its depths. Keith had poked around the first couple of mounds before and found some nifty items that had been thrown out even though it could be salvaged, but it was hard to sneak an armful of rusty metal up above the plate even with his credentials.

As he strolled throughout the mountains of scrap metal and waste, he could see why the slum dwellers thought Midgar was like a concrete jungle, nothing flourished, cold steel and grey with very little colour to brighten the gloom.

Even though he had spent three years flitting around both above and under the plate, meeting people and making connections, he still hadn't adopted the same mindset as the Midgar residents. Keith really didn't think he ever would, his mind was like a hive of thrumming bees, he had too many things going on and if someone else ever tried to keep track of the things that he did, he was pretty sure they would develop an aneurysm in a couple of days.

But now, after maybe twenty minutes of skipping around the scrap heaps and collecting a few things (he always had a small tool kit on hand in case he was bored), he had arrived at the church.

Despite its downtrodden state, a vast majority of its stained glass windows (something you didn't see often in a city of concrete and pillars) were intact, and it gave off the feeling of a safe haven.

The door to the church was open, and as he peeked in, he could smell the scent of flowers.

Something that he hadn't smelt once since coming to Midgar ten years ago.

"Hello. They said you would be here today."

If Keith was any normal person, he would have jumped at the soft tinkling voice that had spoken out of the blue.

But Keith was Keith, and he merely smiled as he slipped inside the church.

"Hello. You must be Aerith."

A bright smile lit up on the twelve year old's face, and Keith found himself thinking that maybe this assignment wasn't going to be as bad as he thought.

That, was how he first met Aerith.

-o0o-

Six years later, he was still dropping down every Sunday to check on Aerith, who was now eighteen years old and she absolutely loved the flax basket as her birthday present (Sephiroth had been baffled to why Keith had wanted flax leaves when he had a mission with Zack around Gongaga, but brought some back anyway).

Elmyra Gainsborough had been rather alarmed when Keith had first arrived at the house, having walked Aerith back from the church as she had been quite inquisitive about his work. Elmyra had taken some time to warm up to him, as he was a SHINRA employee, but over the years he had her convinced that he merely liked to keep Aerith company. And when she learned that the Turks were watching Aerith less and less with Keith being present, she would invite him in for tea.

And yet again, he had gained another child who called him 'father' in some way or form.

His other 'children' had been quite curious as to where he disappeared for several hours on a Sunday, but he did get paid for those hours if anyone was to look at his wages.

Zack was the most insistent of his children, ever the inquisitive puppy like the nickname he had been given.

He had a feeling though, that the more he put Zack, or any of his children from knowing where he was going, they would probably team up and investigate.

Aerith wasn't exactly timid, so he could introduce her to one or two of them . . .

 _It turned out Aerith had the exact same idea._

-o0o-

It wasn't a surprise that Aerith asked to meet Zack, the Puppy starred in many of the stories Keith told Aerith on his weekly visits. He wasn't as well known as the three Firsts, and she had never been around a high energy person like Zack, the slums weren't exactly the best place to find such a positive person.

"I could try. You're absolutely certain; you want to meet Zack?"

"Clear as crystal. Do you think he'll like the flowers?" Aerith asked as she inspected said flowers, looking for withered leaves and bugs to dispose of.

"He grew up in Gongaga, so seeing some form of natural plant in this steel city would make him happy." Keith replied, crossing his arms as he tried to recall the plant life of Gongaga. He had only been there once in passing, on his first trip to Midgar all those years ago. He had almost died from the heat, but now that he was used to the temperatures in Midgar, the hot jungle full of Touch Me Toads would be something he could tolerate now.

Aerith clapped her hands in glee and waved her arm at him, gesturing for him to join her on the dusty church floor.

Keith had some knowledge in gardening, and Aerith welcomed any help she could get. Considering the job he had, a little bit of dirt was nothing to monster guts and oil spills.

"I'll ask him when he's free, but I'm not sure how soon that would be. He's trying to qualify for First Class, and his mentor believes he's almost ready."

Aerith just giggled and brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"I'm sure he'll have a free day soon."

Aerith had a knack for predicting things, so he wasn't too surprised when Zack turned out to have his weekend completely free.

-o0o-

Zack and Aerith got on like a house on fire. She liked his poor jokes, and Zack was astounded that a pretty girl liked said poor jokes.

By the time Zack and Keith had to leave, Aerith had wheedled a promise from the Puppy to visit again, and Keith knew that Zack would come to meet her even if he wasn't there to show the way to the church. The scrap mounds could get confusing if one wasn't familiar with them.

-o0o-

Sephiroth was pouting.

Zack had sworn to not tell anyone about Aerith, but that didn't mean he couldn't say Keith showed him where he went on Sundays.

As Keith's 'sworn' little brother, Sephiroth was not happy to hear Zack knew what his brother did before he himself got told. Keith had to give Sephiroth a grooming session to placate him, while promising to let Sephiroth know as soon as he felt it was right to.

That of course got Sephiroth even more curious, and Keith had to sacrifice Genesis to the silverette's inquisitive mind.

The thespian was not pleased when he had to deal with a curious Sephiroth, and Keith reminded himself to send some Banoran Dumbapple tea to the Crimson Commander in apology.

He found himself having to write a list of who to introduce to Aerith next, which would be hard considering her security status. Elmyra did trust his judgement, but he rather not stretch that trust to it's limits.

Meeting Zack was one thing, but one of the Firsts? That was asking for trouble.

Cloud could perhaps be a potential candidate to introduce to Aerith, although he had a feeling the girl would baby him.

Reno already knew about Aerith, but didn't know that Keith knew her.

Janus had met Aerith once before, but that was before Keith had known him, and Aerith found his dual personalities to be quite interesting. Luckily, Elmyra didn't know about the occasional swearing.

Angeal, despite being a First, actually had a lot in common with Aerith (both were able to grow plants in Midgar, and both had a sort of sixth sense, though Angeal's was weaker). The trouble with that though was the burly man's rank.

Perhaps he could ask Aerith if she was alright with meeting Angeal, he had painted the man as a gentle giant in his stories.

But that was for another day.

For now, he was just relieved the first meeting went alright.

-o0o-

 _A/N: Finally, some progress on this story. ChaosBalance and I also ended up speeding through the next chapter. So it should be up very soon in the coming days._

 _Next time:_ _ **Chapter 19: The First Meeting Of The Trinity**_

 _Exactly what is says on the tin._

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	21. Chp19:TheFirstMeetingOfTheTrinity

Chapter 19: The First Meeting Of The Trinity

-o0o-

Sephiroth, Genesis and Angeal.

This is how they became friends.

Even though it didn't exactly . . . start off all that great.

-o0o-

 _I've had this prompt lying around for a while, so I finally got it over and done with._

 _Prompt:_ _ **I love it how Angeal is like the scrap booker of the SHINRA family. Go team mom! Dude. You know what you should do? You should totally have a chapter with Angeal, Sephiroth and Genesis! A chapter dedicated to them and their shenanigans! (The first time they meet Keith)**_

 _Once again, thanks to ChaosBalance who greatly helped me in this one, we got to see a bit of the past!_

Disclaimer: Any character you recognize belong to their respective owners and franchises.

-o0o-

This is not how Keith wanted to meet Sephiroth's classmates.

His little brother had gotten into trouble, yet again.

Except this time he wasn't the head instigator.

Well, not intentionally.

Staring at the three sulking boys (he knew they were teenagers, but they did not currently have the privilege of being treated as such) through the gaps of his fingers. The moment he had walked into the small detention room, looked at the three boys and taken in their appearance, he had slapped a hand over his eyes.

Third Class Hewley had paled the moment he had stepped into the room, Third Class Rhapsodos had still been scowling but there was a tinge of fear in his eyes, and Sephiroth . . .

He just pouted.

"Alright . . . I've heard what happened from the instructor, but I want to hear your sides of the story." He let his hand fall, resting it on his hip while letting the three collect themselves. Sephiroth was, of course, completely detached from the situation (Omael had warned Keith he was going through his 'rebellious' stage) his arms crossed and staring at the steel table top.

Third Class Hewley looked absolutely shocked to see Sephiroth behaving in such a manner to an adult, and Third Class Rhapsodos seemed taken aback by this attitude.

Sephiroth did show respect to his instructors, mostly because he had spent time with them personally, but with Keith he was much more relaxed. Meaning Keith had to deal with his temper tantrums from time to time. Omael was rather relieved when Keith turned up as he wasn't exactly equipped to deal with a bratty Sephiroth.

"Third Class Hewley, seeing as you were the level headed one in this situation, could you please tell me what happened?" Hewley nodded, wetting his lips and his fingers were fidgeting, but Keith waited patiently for him to speak. The relationship between Hewley and Rhapsodos as childhood friends was well known by the instructors, and of course Keith heard about it, so he was well aware that Hewley was the calmer one compared to Rhapsodos.

"Well, um . . . it was around the end of the class . . ."

 ** _*Flashback *_**

 _"You clearly aren't built for that sword."_

 _Genesis had been told to practice with a broadsword by the instructor, and this silver haired teacher's pet had just stuck his nose where it wasn't wanted._

 _He did prefer lighter blades, but the broadsword was the standard SOLDIER blade and he had to stick with it until he could afford to have a custom blade._

 _The silver haired prick looked as if he was going to speak again, seeing how Genesis hadn't answered, but he beat him to it._

 _"I'm well aware of that, you don't have to tell me." Genesis retorted, but muttered under his breath_

 _"Pretentious prick."_

 _The silver haired boy had clearly heard his insult, but hadn't even flinched._

 _"Then why do you use a blade you clearly are not suited to? And I am in no way a pretentious prick, that would imply that I had an ego your size or larger according to the teacher."_

 _Genesis didn't even hear the blade clatter on the floor, but he did hear Angeal's yelp when he threw himself at the snob._

 _Unfortunately he had never seen the teacher's pet in any other class than the weapons class, so he was unaware of how adept Sephiroth was at hand to hand._

 _But what Genesis lacked in skill, he made up in determination and stubbornness, and a healthy dash of fury._

 _"Teacher's pet! Fucking Snob! Think you're better than the rest of us because you have special classes! I'll teach you!"_

 _The silver haired teen froze, long enough for Genesis to get a solid punch in his face._

 _That seemed to set the green eyed teen off, and Genesis found himself flying across the room and slamming into a wall, choking for air as the wind was knocked out of him._

 _Coughing and wheezing, Genesis could vaguely make out Angeal trying to hold the silver haired teen back, calling for an instructor._

 _Hearing his childhood friend bite back a cry of pain (and the rather sickening crack) as the prick shoved an elbow into Angeal's ribs, Genesis snarled and clambered out of the imprint he had made in the wall._

 _It was only when several 2nd Class instructors tore the three of them apart later on, that Genesis found out he had gone Green._

 _It had happened to a few SOLDIER's before but only in dire situations._

 _To use it against a fellow SOLDIER was unheard of, and greatly discouraged._

 ** _*Flashback end*_**

The incident had been caught on the security camera's, but not the sound. Keith was helping the Turks petition the President to upgrade them, it would made incident's like this easier to deal with.

"So, Rhapsodos, you believe that Valentine here-"

Rhapsodos bursting out into laughter caught all of them off guard, and cut off Keith's sentence.

"Your last name, is Valentine?" Rhapsodos managed to wheeze out as he caught his breath after his laughter had died down, wincing as his body was still sore from getting embedded into a wall. The quick infirmary visit they had healed most of the injuries, but their bodies were still sore.

Sephiroth began to scowl, pleading eyes looking up at Keith (well, only Keith would be able to realise what emotions Sephiroth was showing), and Keith almost gave into his little brother's plea.

He cleared his throat, causing Rhapsodos to fall silent and sit properly from where he had hunched over from his laughing fit.

"As I was saying, Rhapsodos, you believe that Valentine insulted you. Is that correct?"

"How else could I interpret it?" The auburn haired boy grumbled, and Keith had to take a deep breath. He exhaled heavily before crossing his arms over his chest, he would have to be as comfortable as he could to explain.

"Rhapsodos, there is a reason why Valentine is in special classes. He is more advanced than the rest of the SOLDIER's as he has been a SOLDIER longer than the rest of them. What I am about to tell you is classified, and I'm only telling you because it will clear things up."

Rhapsodos and Hewley both looked at each other, clearly they were curious but were mature enough to wait before asking questions.

Sephiroth was squirming in his seat, he was always uncomfortable when people knew about his circumstances, and Keith didn't blame him when the silverette curled a hand in the hem of his shirt. Quickly, Keith strode over and removed the fabric while taking out Sephiroth's favourite stimming toy and placing it in the boy's hand.

"Sephiroth; was the result of an unauthorised experimentation with mako. His mother was one of the scientists researching mako and she injected pure mako into her body while the fetus was still developing. She went crazy and once Sephiroth was born, she attempted to kill him before she vanished. As such, Sephiroth was technically born as a SOLDIER and raised in a controlled environment, to ensure whatever she had done didn't have negative effects. It didn't help when his adopted father noticed several signs of autism when Sephiroth was very young."

The two boys were now looking at Sephiroth with new eyes.

"His communication skills aren't as developed as they should be for a person his age, and he has trouble reading expressions as well as emotional subtones and cues. Which means he is rather blunt in his opinions and ends up causing conflicts without knowing why. They've never gotten as bad as what happened today, that you are all around the same age might've been a factor."

Sephiroth glanced back up to Keith, and he could tell the boy was at his limit for today.

"My office is free right now, why don't you head off there and I'll meet you in a bit?"

The silverette nodded and slipped out the door, his shoulders hunched and his fingers curled into fists.

Once the door had shut, he turned to the two boys.

"Now that you know, what will you do?"

"Apologise to him." Hewley was quick to reply, nudging Rhapsodos who was still bewildered by what he had just heard.

"Um, that. Right, I'll apologise to him next time I see him."

Keith couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief, his shoulders slumping and a smile growing on his face.

"Thank you, Sephiroth hasn't had much interaction with anyone his age, he's always been around adults. There aren't many teenagers that he has access to, and considering this is a military programme, anyone close to his age are still cadets or in boot camp. His Mako levels being that of a Second-Class just starting to upgrade to First doesn't exactly help in that regard either."

Both boys winced at this, probably trying to imagine how it would be to not have been friends. Or to have no friends around their own age.

"Now, since that's all been sorted, I'll tell you your punishments."

Seeing the startled looks on their faces, they weren't expecting this.

"You still broke rules, and thus must be punished accordingly. You're getting off lighter than you would have, now that I know the full details. Third Class Rhapsodos and Hewley, you'll be assisting Third Class Valentine with latrine duty for a week."

Rhapsodos blanched but Hewley nodded in reply, accepting their punishment which was severely light compared to what the other instructors would have given them.

"You'll be informed when to report for these punishments once you've healed up fully. Dismissed."

The two boys trudged out, the door shutting softly behind them, but Keith could hear Hewley discussing how Rhapsodos should apologise to Sephiroth through the wall.

He let out a soft huff of amusement, perhaps these three could be friends.

-o0o-

A month later, the Trinity was born.

They still scrapped from time to time, but Genesis understood that Sephiroth wasn't insulting him when he made comments.

The first time that Sephiroth smiled at something Genesis said, Angeal was there with a camera and snapping a picture. He gladly gave a copy to Keith, who he informed about Sephiroth's activities during the week like a report, having guessed that there was a strong relationship between the janitor and the silverette.

And if, the next time Rhapsodos tore into another Third-Class for thinking Sephiroth was a mentally retarded teacher's pet (after it was revealed to the entire class about Seph's autism), said red-head was only given two weeks janitorial duties under Keith, no one was going to say anything.

They cleaned the roof.

If anyone wondered how Genesis became so adept at creating fireballs, well . . . that was their little secret.

Although many wondered why the roof smelt like someone had lit a bonfire.

 _Years later when they were all First Class SOLDIERs, the rooftop still smelt of fire and smog._

-o0o-

 _A/N: This chapter was a bit high tension at first, and then it eased out at the end._

 _I hope you've enjoyed it, and I'm not sure when the next chapter for this one is going to be done, but we'll see when we get there._

 _LiulfrLokison out!_


	22. NOT A CHAPTER JUST AN UPDATE

_**This is just a brief little announcement, nothing serious, just wanting to let you guys know what's going on.**_

 **Right, so as the title says, this isn't a chapter, just a small update.**

If you've all read the notes I've left in this story and the Sugar one, you're aware that I've landed a job and thus won't be able to update as often as I'll be working.

But, I've got pretty decent internet down here (the only issue is that I have to keep logging in all the time), so I'm trying this little blog thing.

It's sort of a day to day summary of my day, which could also let you know my schedule and when I've been able to write, and I tend to ramble so if any of you guys are . . . interested in reading this blog thing that I'm attempting (it's a habit as my mum made me and my siblings write journals every time we went over to see her family overseas and it sort of may have inspired some ideas for fanfiction last time we went over, and I have the need to record down things about my very few travels), then you can see it here.

liulfrlokisonsmindpalace . blogspot . co . nz

Keith may be mentioned every now and then, I'm trying to use this experience to understand the trails of a cleaner (even though Keith is an office janitor and not a lodge cleaner), it might spawn some ideas and also makes me feel a little more closer to knowing him and developing his character even more.

So . . . yep that's all.

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	23. Chp20:JuniorJanitorJumbles

Cadets who fail the SOLDIER exams have two choices.

Join the infantry, or become a janitor.

Leaving is never a choice.

-o0o-

 _This was inspired by a prompt from NervousOtaku._

 _ **At my college, students can work janitorial jobs, and all of them are junior janitors. Just recently, this one guy mopped up a huge mess in a lobby, and forgot the wet floor sign. I think he also might have put wax in the water or something on accident? But me and a fairly large group of others wound up falling on our asses and the poor guy got lectured by one of the full-time janitors.**_

 _ **To sum it up, I guess, I'd kinda like to see more interaction between Keith and junior janitors that've just starting out! :D**_

 _I very much liked the idea and then added:_ _ **Although Keith might end up lecturing the junior janitor and then tearing into the person who left the original mess and never bothered to tell anyone.**_

 _ChaosBalance then looked over it and made a comment which spawned the omake._

Disclaimer: Any characters that you recognize belong to their respective owners.

-o0o-

 _ **Chapter 20: Junior Janitor Jumbles**_

-o0o-

Getting new recruits in the janitorial department was a common occurrence.

More often those cadets that flunked the exams for SOLDIER, thought that being a janitor required less effort than infantry. They very quickly transferred departments once finding out that slacking on the job would bring Keith's wrath down upon you.

So there were very few recruits that actually stayed in the long run.

There was a recent occurrence however, that showed that if one was part of the custodian department, Keith would defend his juniors to the death.

Especially if he got to bring pompous executives down a level.

-o0o-

The first two weeks after cadet results were posted, were a time that most of the common employee feared.

Because it would take those two weeks of blunders and mistakes, for Keith to throw out unworthy cadets that slacked off.

Which meant that the whole building was at threat from errors made by those newbie's, who didn't know the difference between bleach or detergent.

Normally the regular employees knew to keep their mess to a minimum to avoid having those newbie janitors thrown in their direction (Keith liked to torment those that pissed him off), but the higher ups

They didn't give a damn.

Such as one executive from the Public Relations department, Jack Regrend. He had been one of those snobby Junon brats whose parents had influence, namely they were in the good graces of President Shinra, and they had sent their son to learn politics in Midgar. In a fit of rebellion, the young man had changed to journalism and managed to use his name to snag a high position in the Public Relations public, abusing his power quite blatantly.

He had a habit of having one of those fancy non–fat coffees that he would buy on the way to work, and would finish it as he walked into the lobby.

Normally those coffee cups would be empty, but this time the barista had apparently made the coffee wrong, and he dumped the entire coffee cup into the bin.

And just like the ass he was, he missed the bin and the brown caffeinated liquid splashed all over the floor.

Unfortunately a newbie janitor was nearby, and Regrend didn't even check for the yellow tag that signified a 'janitor–in–training ', ordering the young man to clean up the spill before sauntering off to the elevator.

The newbie scowled at the executives attitude, but began to clean up the mess all the same, mopping the marble floor of the lobby.

This wouldn't have been a problem if the water had been . . . normal water.

Earlier that morning, Zack and Reno had thought it would have been a brilliant idea to pour wax into the detergent that all the janitors used for mopping floors. As all the normal janitors were trained to notice when these pranks occurred, it would have been fine because they would have seen that their detergent had been tampered with.

But all the stock in the newbie janitor's supplies had been used up, and a senior janitor had directed one such newbie to go grab one from the other supply room.

And guess which janitor was cleaning the lobby floor right now?

 _The exact same one who got that bottle of waxed up detergent._

-o0o-

Wax and marble floors went together like cheese and crackers.

This is what many of the nine am to five pm shift workers found out.

It would have been easy to notice had it been a few smattering of workers, but it just so happened that this fine morning, there was a large staff meeting and all those included had met up in the lobby.

Thus a fair good amount of thirty people ended up flat on their asses.

There was a large amount of groaning as they all clambered to their feet, a loud shriek and a slap as someone tried to take advantage of the situation (the culprit sprinted from the room and slammed face first into a door as they skidded on the waxed floor), and the janitor–in–training glanced up from where he was cleaning a window.

 _He had thought that detergent had been a bit too slick . . ._

-o0o-

Keith was down in the lobby in less than five minutes, the secretaries at reception ringing him up to inform him of the situation, and he came bearing down on the newbie training like a hawk swooping down on a rabbit.

"You were the one who cleaned the lobby this morning?"

"Y–yes." The newbie, Henry, nodded, trying to hide behind his cleaning cart but failing miserably.

"You didn't notice that the floor detergent was different compared to what you use before?" Keith knew the cleaning schedule off the back of his hand (a skill that creeped the newbie janitors out when he could instantly recall whose shift it was for every level when someone reported the janitors weren't doing their jobs), so Henry didn't question how Keith knew he had cleaned floors before.

Plus there had been a small introductory session in regards to what needed to be on the cleaning carts at all times.

"I thought, that it was different, but, there was none left in the supply closet and a senior janitor told me to take one from the other supply closet." Henry explained, fingers clenched into the fabric of his uniform as he tried not to cry, he didn't want to be sent into infantry, and he really needed money to send back to his family.

Keith took in the quivering form of his potential junior, and given how the secretaries mentioned it was Regrend who had caused the mess in the first place, perhaps he finally had a chance to chew that pompous brat out.

"Henry, here's what I want you to do."

The newbie sniffled and glanced up, ears perked once he noticed the anger in Keith's voice wasn't directed at him.

"I want you to find Hank and inform him you need to remove wax from the lobby floors. He'll help you clean it up. After you're done, report to my office and I will give you an extensive lesson in detecting tampered cleaning supplies. That will be your punishment. Am I understood?"

Henry nodded quickly, and once Keith directed him to Hank's office, he went in search of Regrend.

 _It was fair to say that Regrend went completely off coffee after Keith gave him a good dressing down._

-o0o-

By the end of two weeks, there were five new janitors out of the . . . thirty that applied.

The rest either were transferred to the infantry or went home slightly traumatized.

Hank had found Henry to be quite easy to work with (which was hard as Hank had been one of Keith's former advisors, having been in the company for a few years longer than himself). So Keith assigned Henry under Hank, and overtime Henry became quite efficient at picking up when supplies had been tampered with. The other four were reliable and resourceful, so he let them run free for a little bit, enacting revenge on a few executives that had ordered them around despite Keith's many warnings.

He kept himself deaf to whenever he heard complaints of things going missing after the nightly cleaning.

And, some paperwork may have been displaced . . .

(The shredder and the incinerator had a lot more work that week than usual).

-o0o-

Keith was rather proud of the few that stayed to the end, and at some point he needed to do something like a company get–together, but just for the janitorial department.

He would need to bring it up with the President at some point . . . .

Perhaps he could make a small nudge in the right direction, letting Hollander's specimen's run rampant for a week?

But first, there was the matter of Zack and Reno to sort out. He had been too busy with the trainees to deal with the matter of their prank.

-o0o-

 ** _OMAKE_**

-o0o-

The punishment they were rewarded with was aptly fitting.

It had been a bit of a labour, but Keith was satisfied to see his labour bore fruit.

Now the two pranksters would know how fearsome cleaning wax truly was.

It had been a task to find a room that no one needed for the next week (cleaning it up would take days), he had liberally coated the floor and walls with cleaning wax, tossed the two boys inside with a very hasty explanation on how to clean it up, and locked them in there for the next couple of hours.

Or how long it would take them to clean it.

Given how Zack had not a clue of what to do, and Reno hadn't paid any attention to his explanation, they were going to be in there for a very long time.

Plus seeing them falling on their asses was kind of funny.

. . . .

 _He should probably be videotaping it._

 ** _That was a good idea._**

-o0o-

A _/N: So, yep, that's another prompt chapter done! It's getting late here, so I'm popping one more chapter up and then heading off to bed. Got an off day tomorrow so more writing with Chaos!_

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	24. Chp21:UnexpectedTheatreDates(Part1)

SHINRA rules state that all executives and members of the board must attend any parties that the company hosts.

Sephiroth hates them but must attend.

So when the local theatre has a grand re-opening . . . he decides to change things up a little.

-o0o-

 _This idea was all ChaosBalance's, and she wrote a good decent amount of it too. I hope you enjoy!_

Disclaimer: Any characters you recognize belong to their respective owners.

-o0o-

 ** _Unexpected Theatre Dates (Part 1)_**

-o0o-

 **SHINRA had its fingers in many different pies.**

Vehicle production, sponsorships, education, everything business in Midgar had connections to the company.

So it was no surprise that SHINRA had invested into the local theatre in Sector 8, having funded the construction of the new stage (as the old one had been worn down over the years) and now was hosting the 'grand' re-opening of the building.

And as it was a SHINRA event, that meant that for all the executives and department heads; attendance was mandatory. The only reason why one would be able to opt out, was if they were bogged down with work (a reason why Lazard could not attend, and he wasn't much a fan of the theatre anyway).

Sephiroth though, he had no excuse. And as the face of SHINRA, he was required to make an appearance.

However, there was one SOLDIER that was irritated by said re-opening.

 _That was Genesis._

It wasn't because the building had now been tampered with and was no longer original, or for any other reason regarding the theatre itself.

He was irritated because he didn't receive an invitation even though he was infamous for loving the theatre among his co-workers and the public.

To him, to not receive one was the most highest of insults.

Sephiroth was just annoyed that he had to attend in the first place, meaning he would be stuck in a stuffy suit or his uniform for another five or more hours than he would want to be in such particular clothing.

The parties could run for quite a long time if not managed by someone competent.

 **And they never were.**

Most of the staff had approached Sephiroth in order to offer themselves as his plus one, as dates were mandatory, and a few that had invites had even offered to take him as their plus one.

Genesis would never let Sephiroth live down the fact that Scarlet had wanted to have the 'Silver General' as a plus one.

When Genesis complained incessantly about his lack of invite, before switching to ribbing Sephiroth about his multitude of dates, it gave Sephiroth an idea.

"Why not come as my plus one?"

Genesis stared at Sephiroth with a blank expression, as if he could not believe his ears.

"S-Seriously? I thought you would try to get out of this thing entirely."

Sephiroth just shrugged, the last time he skipped out on an event, the President had become increasingly annoying and complaining about him not attending, ruining the company's public image. Not that it really did, but it got tedious after the thirty-second time he had been called up to the fat man's office just to hear him whinge and complain before being sent off to do his work.

"The President can be rather . . . insistent about these things. Besides, I don't like going because of all the attention I get as the so called 'Silver General'."

Genesis nodded in understanding, the one time he set a warehouse on fire (to be honest, it wasn't his fault the monsters were highly flammable and had made a nest in one of the larger warehouses in Junon), the President had been unconsolable as the media had a field day with the incident.

"So . . . you want to go but not as yourself? Is that what you're saying?"

Sephiroth wasn't sure if he liked the glint in Genesis' eyes, but he was rather desperate right now.

"I'll go as myself alright, just not on the clock. I think you'll like my ideas for matching outfits, though."

And now Genesis was hooked. He was the more impulsive of the three when it came to clothes shopping, and to hear Sephiroth was talking about outfits, made him very gleeful.

"I already have them, I'll send yours over. Uncle got them for when we were to visit Grandmother, but with the war that Xenophobic . . ."

"Careful! The Turks. . ."

"Treat me like a favoured child, but it'd wouldn't do to be overheard by just anybody, I know."

When Sephiroth was in a bad mood, he sometimes tended to be loose-lipped.

"Well then, let's have a look at these outfits!"

Oh, now that would just not do. It would ruin the surprise and he wasn't sure if Genesis would stick to the agreement if he knew.

"You can wait until I send them over. I'm not having you back out of it."

Genesis pouted a bit at this, but nodded.

"Right then, I'll see you later tonight. I need to shower, they had me down in the slums, chasing down those little grass monsters again. My hair feels greasy."

Knowing Genesis, his prep would take some time, which gave Sephiroth plenty of time to go get some help from his brother.

"Uncle will be by later to help you put it on, it can be quite complicated for first-timers."

-o0o-

Keith had been minding his own business, like usual.

Things were a bit slow today in the Tower; since most of the bumbling executives, that created the most mess, were getting ready for the theatre party later that night (one that Keith was happy to not be invited to), so there wasn't much work for him to do.

So he was relaxing in his office, and Cloud was sleeping on the couch since he had finished a rather long night patrol and had only been able to eat a meagre meal before crashing.

He certainly hadn't been expecting Sephiroth to come crashing through the door, a brilliant grin on his face as the door slammed into the wall.

He really didn't want to have to get a new one . . .

"I need your help with a certain . . . matter, big brother."

Now Keith raised an eyebrow at this, the only time Sephiroth ever called him 'big brother' and not just 'brother' was when he needed some of his . . . vaguer skills that he didn't get to use often.

Mostly makeup, it was always the makeup.

Seriously, having to explain to Sephiroth the first time why he had such skills with foundation and concealer the first time he had to cover some bruises, was quite tedious, especially with the way Sephiroth's mind processed stuff.

"Alright, what look are you going for this time?"

Cloud knew about Sephiroth's habits, and had helped a few times as makeup was quite a tiresome process and sometimes Keith ran out of time to do the hair, simply because he was meticulous about how Sephiroth's hair fell. With that much hair, it would take plenty of time.

That's where Cloud came in, he was nimble with his fingers and one of the few people that could touch Sephiroth's hair without getting their arm bitten off. Sephiroth was very particular about who could handle his hair.

"Do you remember when Uncle told you about visiting Grandma? I finally have an excuse to wear it."

Keith took a second to remember, as he had been busy rather lately.

"Ah, you mean that one. Sure, I can do that. Give me a minute to grab my supplies. Cloud can go with you to get to started on the hair." Cloud nodded and clambered up from the couch, a smile on his face as it had been awhile since he got to touch Sephiroth's hair.

"You might want to get Uncle to help Genesis with the other outfit though, he's never worn anything like that. Despite it being a warrior's version."

"I'll let Omael know, don't you worry. Now go, I'll be back before you know it."

Ushering the two out of his office, Keith reached for his phone and began to go through his contacts.

Omael would be glad to have a break from work.

-o0o-

"I want the buns, please. And could you do the ninja-geisha mix for the makeup?"

"Of course Seph, only the best for you. On your next off-day, you can try it yourself."

Sephiroth didn't have many off-days, and the first time he had tried to apply the makeup himself, he got terribly confused in the process and Keith had to leave a meeting to go sort it out. How Sephiroth had managed to mix up foundation and eye-liner Keith had no idea.

At least Sephiroth had learned that he needed to get dressed before makeup application, otherwise there was risk of it getting smudged and despite Cloud loving to play with Sephiroth's hair, he probably wouldn't appreciate having to remake it since the outfit of choice was one to put on before styling one's hair.

 _(Meanwhile, across the hall…)_

Genesis was a bit mystified about the outfit that Professor Hojo was holding up.

Now he was glad that Sephiroth got his Uncle to help him, he didn't have a clue of how to even get started!

"Boy, are you trying to imply that you're dead? You don't use that direction in folding, it only used on bodies!"

"How do you even know about this stuff?"

"A good friend of mine was part Wutain, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! That WILL get you killed for the insult implied!"

 _. . . . Was it too late to back out now?_

-o0o-

"And you're all done. Take a look!"

Sephiroth stared into the bathroom mirror, and inside his mind praised every god and deity he could think of that his big brother so happened to have such skills that even a beautician would be jealous off.

Seriously, Keith could open his own beauty parlour if he wanted!

And Cloud had a future in the hair industry if he ever got sick of the infantry.

"Thank you, Onii-sama." Sephiroth's voice had become a demure husky alto, indistinguishable from a female one.

Cloud nearly fainted at how well Seph could mimic a female.

"Ah, go break some hearts out there." Keith giggled, yes, giggled. Doing Sephiroth's makeup always made him a little giggly. And he had consumed some chocolate during the process, so he was a little high on sugar. Now he actually wished he had an invite, he wanted to see those idiots reactions!

At the knock on the door, Keith moved to answer and nearly got hit by Omael as he rushed in, going on about capturing his favorite nephew's first date in film.

Keith was about to retort that Sephiroth was his only nephew, but then realized the same thing.

 _Shit, where was his camera?!_

While Keith scrambled for his camera, Genesis . . . well . . .

Genesis's reaction to the sight of his Superior Officer was one to memorialize in the scrapbook.

-o0o-

"Representing the General of SHINRA Sephiroth Valentine; announcing Genesis Rhapsodos and his date, the esteemed Lady Sakura."

Quite a few heads turned at that, the General was the one to look out for and the only one to be announced unless the President and Vice President were attending.

Seriously, it was just a party, not a grand ball were every arrival needed to be shouted out for everyone to hear, but that was how SHINRA operated.

They all expected to see the Crimson Commander in a suave suit (as eccentric as the man was, they could all agree that he has an exquisite fashion sense), with a blonde bombshell on his arm. Genesis had the mindset of 'go big or go home', so they expected a popular model or fellow thespian, but instead . . .

No one had an idea of who the woman was, which was ludicrous, how could nobody know who this absolute . . . there seriously was no words to describe her beauty, vision of feminine perfection.

Then the two entered and the clear lights caught the shine of stately silver.

Obviously foreign and, coupled with the design of the clothing the two wore, fairly rich. She looked young but, with the nearly-white silver color of her hair, she had to be an elder of some sort.

The way Genesis was both protective and attentive to her only provided proof in the minds of most of those attending. Genesis, for all of his faults, wasn't one to disrespect the elderly.

Maybe a Wutain Noble? But with the war, no Wutai native would dare try to immigrate, much less attend something that SHINRA had organised.

Perhaps her parents were of Wutain Noble descent, that had to be it.

Satisfied that they had come to a conclusion, the party resumed, and the attendees were salivating to talk to the two who had just entered.

Just to talk of course, there were no other intentions, certainly not foul minded at all!

Unfortunately one attendant didn't exactly agree and got his chance when Genesis left for the open bar.

 ** _But seriously, who in the name of the Goddess invited Don Corneo?!_**

 _(Keith made a note to go set the bastard on fire, not that he had been there to witness it, not at all . . .)_

"My my, such a pretty thing we have here. You certainly aren't meant to be just arm candy for that red haired lunatic."

Genesis had encountered Don Corneo once before, and had left a very . . . solid impression on the man.

"I'm sure I could offer more than what he is paying you, which service did he hire you from? It certainly wasn't mine, and I'd like to ensure my competition doesn't get any funny ideas."

If Sephiroth hadn't been pissed off enough from Don Corneo's words, the fact that he was clearly trying to hike his kimono up brought him to the snapping point.

Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on one's point of view), Genesis took action.

It was hard to say what occurred that night, as most patrons were too busy panicking as Genesis leapt at Corneo with his infamous battle cry, and sent the man crashing through a wall next to the bar.

Sephiroth sat down at said bar, and watched his compatriot beat the living shit out of the pimp while snagging as much booze as he could. He needed it to cope with the utter filth the man had just spewed.

He didn't even question why Keith was slipping him cocktails from under the bar he had been hiding behind the entire time.

If anyone questioned why Don Corneo had an unfortunate run in with a serial _pyromaniac_ on the way to the hospital, most would point the finger in Genesis' direction, along with explaining what the man had done to deserve it. However, none of them were aware that Genesis had been with Sephiroth, and a certain janitor had slipped out after the ambulance.

Don Corneo was admitted to the General hospital with broken bones and first degree burns.

None of the hospital staff pitied him.

Especially the nurses, who may or may have not given him a much smaller prescription of morphine than was recommended.

-o0o-

"Well, that was a disaster and a half. Whose idea was it to invite that perverted slum filth?"

 **"You did, Mr. President."**

"He and the Don have a close relationship." Keith spat in disgust, he truly felt sorry for the Honey Bee Inn workers, who were rather lovely ladies who happened to have the misfortune of being forced to work for the man.

Sephiroth never really paid attention to the President's other activities, only thinking that the President was a customer of the Inn, but now with this new information, he pitied the Turks. How many times had they have to clean up after that man's mess?

"Surely not, I know better than to invite anyone from those filthy slums."

Omael had to stifle a snort, choosing to roll his eyes behind his mug and held his papers in front of him, wishing more than anything to be out of this rather pointless meeting. Keith had no such problems and full out sneered at the President, who flinched back at the expression but turned to Heidegger who was calling for his attention.

"Corneo aside, where did Rhapsodos find his date from? I think that's the more pressing issue here."

Now it was Scarlet's turn to sneer in disgust, did pig faced men think of nothing besides money or their libidos?

"That was Lady Sakura, she's a well known figure for the fashion community. Her designs are simply to die for, and she has a lot of contacts. She prefers to scout new talent for the modelling community instead of using the more well known ones, pity really. She's so busy that she very rarely shows her face."

"My most pressing concern is where Sephiroth was during the party. I had to push three weeks of work aside to attend." Lazard wasn't one to regularly speak up in the meetings, but when he did, he made sure his point was made.

"He wasn't with me." Keith commented, the last time Sephiroth skipped an event, they found him with Keith. They had both been playing videos games in a rec room they had spruced up, but only he and Seph knew about that. When the Turks found them, Sephiroth had been reading a book while Keith was working, so the President thought his General was just lazing around.

"I was at the party, you probably just didn't notice me. I decided against the dress uniform, and went in some of my best civilian clothes, as well as putting my hair up into a much more manageable style. I will say this though, Lady Sakura wasn't the only one the 'good' Don tried to 'hire' that night. I am still severely tempted to just execute the cretin, especially after he tried to tell me just how much better turning 'tricks' was worth compared to my SHINRA salary. I will be giving Genesis a raise for what he did to the scum-bucket."

Omael sort of lost it and chortled into his coffee, causing the board to stare at the scientist before looking back at Sephiroth who was positively fuming with rage. Keith reached over and clapped him on the shoulder, discreetly muttering the Don's hospital room number and mentioning that there's a very convenient window right next to his bed, perfect to chuck a body out of.

The President very hastily ended the meeting.

-o0o-

 **OMAKE**

-o0o-

Don Corneo was reported missing the next morning, and was presumed dead after a week of searching.

No one was looking in the first place.

-o0o-

 _A/N: So yeah, this happened, two chapters in one night, there will be a part 2 in the future . . . I'mma head off to sleep now . . . tired . . . zzzz . . ._

 _LiulfrLokison *yawn* out . . . :3_


	25. Chp22: Unexpected Theatre Dates (Part 2)

Part 2.

The aftermath of the Gala and a . . dress up day?

-o0o-

 _Part 2 has arrived! I shall say no more._

Disclaimer: Any characters recognized belong to their respective owners.

-o0o-

 _ **Chapter 22: Unexpected Theatre Dates (Part 2)**_

-o0o-

Shinra was both anticipating and dreading the interview that the local papers would print about the Gala. They had invited several reporters, and they were certain the 'incident' involving Don Corneo would be mentioned.

In a followed up interview with Genesis regarding the matter, many asked about his date and how he had even been able to attend since they were quite sure that he hadn't been given an invite. Genesis promptly turned to Sephiroth (who had also been included in the interview), who informed the journalist that he gave his invite to Genesis as he knew his fellow colleague was a well devoted thespian, and for the company to not give him an invite was quite strange.

The written interview had to be cut short as many local news reporters had wanted to get the scoop on the 'crazy gala' (as it was being referred to), and the next reporter entered the room.

Sephiroth and Genesis had been quite aware that several 'news reporters' *cough-cough gossip mongers cough-cough* had bullied their way among the invited press, and since most would be tuned into that particular show, decided to drop a bombshell on them instead of the scripted answers the company had provided him with.

 _Of course, this led to a rather catastrophic outcome._

-o0o-

Midgar Entertainment, or M.E. for short, had claimed the first slot for the tv interviews, and Irene was dead set on getting the best of the lot. This wasn't her first interview, but with Shinra's General involved, it could either go splendidly, or become an absolute nightmare. Sephiroth was well known for his reticence in the TV industry.

She managed to get through the basic summary of the event, and once that section was over, it was time for the questions most were dying to hear answered.

"So, the Silver General mustn't have been able to attend the opening Gala?" Irene asked, clearly interested in any sort of scandalous activity.

"I did, in fact, attend. However, due to my outfit and hairstyle at the time, no one seemed to notice me. Corneo even tried to pressure me into working as one of his 'escorts', claiming that he could pay me more than I make as a SOLDIER First-Class."

"He did? And did you see the scene with Lady Sakura?"

"I got a front row seat to that sleazy rat attempting to remove the Lady's kimono, yes."

"And, how exactly did you get into the Gala without being announced? It is well known that Genesis had your invitation"

"Well, I knew that Genesis absolutely loves the theater. He is infamous for his love of the theater, in fact. I really didn't understand why SHINRA wouldn't send him an invite, when I got one and am known for being reclusive. The policies in the company forbids any sort of interaction that could be constructed as homosexual in nature. . ."

-o0o-

The SOLDIER's were gathered around the TV in the Rec Room, watching the show that starred their beloved General, when a blur was presented on the screen.

 _". . . so I couldn't just waltz in there with Genesis on my arm, and since so many were asking to be their date, I simply gave Genesis my invite and went as a plus one myself."_

The image cleared up to show Genesis, with a silver-haired female on his arm.

A very recognisable silver-haired female, at least, to the SOLDIERs milling around that is.

Everyone burst into laughter. Not show up with Genesis on his arm indeed.

-o0o-

The host, Irene, was certainly perplexed at this, glancing between the two SOLDIERs as she tried to understand what Sephiroth had just said (since she didn't have the picture on hand herself), and was about to ask her next question but was cut off as riotous laughter rang through the building, strong enough to make lights shake.

Sephiroth had an unholy smirk on his face, Genesis covered his mouth and chortled while looking to the side, both knowing how their comrades were reacting.

Irene glanced to the cameraman, Mike, who was just as confused as she was, but she regained her composure and turned back to the two SOLDIERs in front of her. The Turk waiting by the doors was tapping at the watch on their wrist, and Irene was dismayed to see that it was time to wrap the interview up.

"And that's all for Midgar Entertainment tonight. Thank you for watching, and we'll be with you tomorrow for more news. Goodnight."

Irene and Mike were hurried out of the building in the following minutes, but the laughter they had heard had still not died down. On their way from the broadcasting studio, they couldn't help but notice that the SOLDIER nearby any tv were cracking up with howling laughter, while other employees stared at them in total bewilderment.

SHINRA was a weird place, that's all they could say.

It didn't get any better when the infantry assigned to escort them out of the building wouldn't stop snickering to themselves. Something about Lady Sakura, and how well known she was among the SOLDIERs? Something involving her designs and several SOLDIERs trying to feel like actual humans by cross-dressing was definitely mentioned.

But they were booted from the building before they could get their queries answered.

-o0o-

When a smirking Sephiroth and a snickering Genesis entered his office, Keith could only offer them an exasperated sigh.

Of course his little brother had to cause a ruckus, he was sure to get a headache by the time the SOLDIER's and infantry had stopped laughing.

And he was sure Omael would be calling him up when the normal employees began to ask if the military needed to see a shrink.

But that wasn't the end of his pain, and it certainly wasn't the end of this particular matter either.

The result would end up with the current president in a LOT of hot water.

"Big Brother, you have a copy of the President's schedule, right?"

Going by the look on Sephiroth's face, his little brother was well aware he knew everyone's schedule, and he wanted his help for a large scaled shenanigan.

Letting out a deep breath, Keith rubbed his forehead before staring at the gleeful silverette with narrowed eyes.

"Is this going to interfere with my work?"

" . . . . . ."

He raised an eyebrow.

"It . . . might? But only for a day?"

A day, he could deal with.

"Fine. What do you need?"

If the triumphant expression was any indication, he was going to be very busy.

-o0o-

The President was due to be inspecting the Junon base for . . . reasons (they all knew he just wanted to get out of Midgar and party it up on the coast), and that was the day Sephiroth's plan was put to work.

Using the 'separate' SHINRA network, under the Midgar branch, Sephiroth had opened up a new topic and sent it to every employee in the building that wasn't devoted to the President (which was basically everyone besides the snotty executives, the exceptions being Reeve, Lazard, and Scarlet), about a special event.

A dress up day, and the best dressed (meaning the most outrageous) would win a prize.

The theme was 'freedom', and when asked what exactly that meant, Sephiroth added the following description.

 _Employees will be free to wear whatever clothes they feel comfortable in as long as it does not impede their work and is decent to be worn in public. I do not condone public indecency, and it would paint the company in a bad light. If this 'dress up day' is successful, there may be more in the future._

 _Keep your private areas covered people_ , _no one wants to see your unmentionables on display._

Once the date was posted, many employees began to prepare for said day as the President's standards of uniform were quite gender set, and there were many secretaries who felt uncomfortable wearing skirts that ended mid-thigh. Especially since the president was known to try and look up said skirts on occasion.

While Keith was looking forward to seeing what people came up with, he certainly wasn't expecting the lengths people were willing to go to in order to qualify for the mysterious prize.

-o0o-

Sephiroth, himself, caused quite a stir when he walked in. Then again; seeing the _Silver General_ wearing one of the 'secretary length' skirts, along with glimpses of satin when he turned too fast, was sure to break anyone's brain. Not to mention the sparkly crop tank that had the back cut away that finished the, rather revealing, outfit off.

 _There were many nosebleeds._

Angeal, who was confirmed to be on teaching theory to Cadets, showed up in a full length navy-blue _ball gown_ complete with _elbow length gloves_ , claiming that he wasn't going to be the loser in the First-Class betting pool.

Angeal had a competitive streak apparently.

Genesis kicked it up a notch when he turned up in stilettos.

 _Stilettos._

And did I mention he was in a bright red number with frills, which, strangely enough, worked on him?

The spaghetti straps were a nice touch, Genesis had surprisingly slim shoulders for a man with his frame.

But that was only just the Firsts.

The other SOLDIER's turned up in a wide variety of outfits, from dresses to skirts, even a few kilts. Some of the more outrageous ones showed up in little more than a loincloth and bandage wraps. (Keith scolded those ones as some normal staff members became blushing messes, but couldn't do anything to cover them up, as the 'keep your privates covered' rule was being followed).

However, none of them could compare to how badass the outfit Cloud, little Cadet Cloud, came up with.

Turns out he had some clothes from Nibelheim and in Midgar, they were quite the eye catcher.

Cloud walked into the break room wearing a fur lined jacket and combat boots, which looked normal from a distance, but once you got a good look at said items, it was clear to see they were made from dragon skin (the scale pattern was unmistakable). It didn't help that, when asked about how he had obtained said skin, Cloud confirmed that he had taken the dragon down personally before becoming puzzled at how no one would believe him until Keith backed him up. The biker leather pants were a nice touch (apparently a present from Keith from being accepted into the Cadet program), and he had used a bit of gel to spike his hair up so it wasn't as soft looking as it usually was, plus a little eyeliner made his blue eyes seem to glow like a SOLDIER Third.

No one was expecting Scarlet to turn up in overalls and a shirt with rolled up sleeves, but they did notice the smattering of oil and grease stains, causing some to come to the conclusion she wore those for actual work with the machines.

Apparently so as Keith didn't bat an eyelash when he saw the woman (few were aware that he sometimes tinkered with her in her workshop).

Omael had decided to opt out of the costume day, but merely sat and watched the outrageous spectacle unfold.

Keith turned up to work in his usual overall blues, but slipped away for a few minutes and when he returned, some people had to take a double look.

It seemed like he had borrowed a Turk's suit, but on closer inspection said suit was made of dragon hide and there was a slight fur trim on the collar (Nibel Wolf of course), and the red shirt underneath smelled of cherry blossoms (he had it specially imported from Wutai). His hair had been getting decently long, the ash blonde hair woven back with a warrior braid (courtesy of Cloud) and some eyeliner to make his eyes appear to glow finished the look off.

Keith got his kicks scaring people who thought he was a Turk as he wandered the floors with narrowed eyes and a sultry smirk, the small short sword strapped to his hip didn't help either.

When it came time for the votes though, there was a clear landslide victory in the polls.

Then the Firsts announced that there was a second vote, consisting of the Firsts themselves, and the reason for them not being included in the prize voting.

The popularity vote was close, but in the end Angeal's ball gown was the favorite. Surprisingly enough, Genesis came second in his red frills (kudos to him for walking around in stilettos, even Scarlet applauded him when she saw him), which left Sephiroth in last place.

No one saw that coming, and it took awhile for the results to sink in.

When the prize was announced as Sephiroth spending the day with the victor, while still in his sparkly tank and short skirt, there was a shocked silence before said winner fainted.

Tseng had to revive poor Kicker, whom was still in training.

Although his outfit showed he was well suited for espionage as none had realised the Turk was a male. The Junior Turk had worn a flattering pale blue blouse and dress pants, looking like a rather demure secretary, and had won the prize vote because of his attitude and not because of his clothing choices.

No one besides Tseng and a rather observant Keith knew the Turk was a man.

-o0o-

The dress up day was a success, and a good majority of the company (Scarlet was very vocal on the matter) wanted to have another one in the future. It was very easy for the papers to be 'informed' about the day and journalists quickly approached the President as soon as he returned.

-o0o-

 ** _OMAKE_**

-o0o-

When President SHINRA did arrive back in Midgar, and was questioned about his thoughts on the day that became quite popular among his staff on live TV, the President had a mental meltdown. And proceeded to show just how much of an asshole he was when it came to pretty much anyone that wasn't in his social circle, had his amount of money, had his skin colour, wasn't of the same sexual orientation, and pretty much wasn't him by default.

SHINRA's public image plummeted, and even the slums dwellers pitied the SHINRA employees for having to put up with the man.

Keith, who wasn't constrained by the President's authority, often pissed the man off by flouncing about in his Turk-like outfit, and the President had seen him wearing said outfit in a commemorative photo.

It was needless to say Keith was trying to drive the man loco, and it further emphasised to the public that said President didn't deserve his position.

Something the company's customers became very vocal about when certain 'experiments' became public knowledge.

-o0o-

 _A/N: And that's all the updates for this week! It will be at least a week until the next updates (I've been given more hours but that means less time to write)._

 _LiulfrLokison out!:3_


	26. Chp 23: What Mako Can't Fix

**Accidents occurred, injuries could be healed, but there are some injuries that cannot be fixed by medicine and materia alone.**

 **Genesis learned that the hard way.**

-o0o-

 _It's been a while, a long while._

 _Things got busy, and semester is starting up again soon, but ChaosBalance got me motivated again. It was an prompt inspired by emails, and so this chapter was finally written._

Disclaimer: The rights to the characters (besides Keith and my own version of Hojo) belong to their respective owners.

-o0o-

Mako, to an extent, could heal injuries that the common person couldn't recover from without side effects, and things that materia could not.

However, there were times that even Mako couldn't fix damage wrought on sensitive organs of the human body, enhanced or otherwise.

It was a well known fact that Genesis was quite adept with materia, and that skill spread over a vast majority of the various kinds of materia that had been catalogued over the years. By the time that Genesis was on his first rounds of mako injections, he had shown a great amount of control while adjusting to the changes Mako brought.

At this point in time, SHINRA hadn't gotten around to implementing cameras to observe the mako candidates to prevent injuries and had assigned 'watchers' to keep an eye on the fresh SOLDIER's and to prevent accidents from occuring. Unluckily for Genesis, he had been assigned a watcher who was more interested in their phone more than their job, and during one of Genesis' materia sessions, had left to answer a call.

Thus leaving Genesis unsupervised in a room of materia for him to play with.

So far Genesis hadn't suffered any horrific accident with materia before with the artificial materia SHINRA produced, and when he came across a materia he had never seen before, he had a tendency to act before he thought.

The materia that had him so interested was one that should not have been amongst a bunch of low leveled Fire and Ice materia (later on it would be found an intern who should have not been handling materia in the first place had fumbled up some boxes), and Genesis lit it up like a Christmas tree.

The materia promptly shattered in his grasp and exploded like a firework, shards scattering across the floor of the training room.

Genesis had been so dazed by the explosion that he barely noticed the piercing pains in his hands and knees when he hit the floor, nor the blood pouring out of one ear, as his mind was so filled with ringing that he could hear nothing else.

He certainly didn't hear the 'watcher' begin to swear when they returned to the room, and was quickly swept away by medical.

The only thing that was on his mind, was the fact that Hollander was going to be pissed when he caught wind of what had happened. The man did not like failure, and this would be the first mark on Project G's record.

-o0o-

Hollander had not been pleased.

The medics had done what they could, the small cuts and grazes healing over once the shards had been removed, but there was nothing that could be done for Genesis' ear.

The drum in Genesis' left ear had ruptured and several of the microscopic bones had been violently shifted out of alignment; there was no surgery or healing magic that could fix the displacement despite the fact the eardrum could be mended.

Angeal and Sephiroth were the ones to break the news to him, as Professor Hojo was currently talking with Hollander about what could be done, but from what he could hear in his perfectly functioning ear was a ton of yelling.

He could see Hollander scowling through the windows of the ward, Professor Hojo's shoulders were tense as he slammed the metal clipboard down onto a shelf, the conversation coming to an end when Hollander stormed out of the room.

Genesis could see the janitor that only Professor Hojo allowed into his lab at the door, looking from said Professor to Hollander who had shoved past the blonde, a worried expression on his face. Judging from what the Professor was telling the janitor, it wasn't good. Then said Janitor left the room at a run.

"The doctor's said you can be discharged, but we'll have to stop by tomorrow for a checkup. They're hoping there might be an improvement, but looking at how it is . . ." Angeal's voice was soft, full of hesitation and discomfort as Genesis came to the conclusion.

"It's permanent."

Genesis had always prided himself on his instincts, his hearing had been one of the reasons he had been so adept in combat. He and Angeal had spent hours in the orchards, listening to sounds and determining what insects or creatures made those sounds.

Genesis had always won, but now . . .

He would have to live with the fact he only had one functioning ear.

"How did it go?" Sephiroth's voice broke Genesis out of the down-spiral of thoughts his mind had gone to, seeing Professor Hojo entering the room with a deep frown on his face.

"There are times when I wonder why the President even hired that buffon." The Professor spoke in a disgruntled tone, the clipboard that held Genesis' chart tucked under his arm while the scientist began to write out a text on his PHS that had been pulled from the lab coat pocket.

"I have the Turks looking into how the experimental materia you used, which was supposed to be tested in a safe lab environment, got into the trainee boxes. I will not allow this sort of accident to happen to another young employee while I have the power to prevent it." The Professor was livid, sending off his text before inputting a number and dialling, holding the PHS up to his ear.

"Oh, by the way, I sent Keith to get the adoption papers from Legal. It looks like I now have two new nephews to care for."

It was said in such a nonchalant manner, that it took a few seconds for the words to compute with both Genesis and Angeal.

When it did, Genesis and Angeal both were staring in astonishment while letting out their own high pitched screeches, and Sephiroth was letting out a triumphant whooping sound, shooting out of his seat so fast that it clattered to the floor.

"YES, I MEAN YOU!" Hojo's shout made both boys jump and their screeching die in their throats, Sephiroth giving them both impromptu hugs before sprinting out the door, most likely on his way to the legal department given how he bleeted out Keith's name as he smacked into the wall in the hallway.

"Good gods that man! If the President wasn't so incompetent . . ."

The Professor's grumblings became incomprehensible as the head of the Science Department went to fetch a nurse, leaving Angeal and Genesis trying to get their heads around what had just happened.

 _"I'm so popular today, so many emails in such a short period . . ."_

"Angeal, I'm not dreaming right? Pinch me? OWCH! I didn't mean literally!"

-o0o-

That; had been about five or six years ago.

It had taken a few weeks to get used to the deafness in one ear, and with his friends help (Uncle Omael had understood his need to keep his 'condition' under wraps), Genesis was able to continue his training and life like nothing had ever happened.

To compensate for his deafness; Genesis developed a reflex of striking anything that came in range that he couldn't immediately identify if it was on his deaf side.

He was known to be unpredictable in his moods because of this, and the lower ranks tended to be on their guard whenever he came into a room. While it was fun to see these reactions, Genesis felt a little put off as there were times he wanted to interact with a younger SOLDIER without them being terrified he was going to bite their heads off.

Then Keith introduced him to a little Trooper Cadet that was being bullied, despite being about 30 levels higher on the scale measurements then the entirety of his Cadet class. That said Cadet was from Keith's hometown was the only explanation really needed for the level difference.

Angeal's Puppy had been hesitant for Genesis to meet this Cadet, and Keith had to bribe the Puppy with snacks before Genesis could even be in the same room as the boy in question.

Genesis' first meeting with the Cadet went far differently than he expected.

The Cadet actually snuck up on him, on his left side, without Genesis even flinching. The Cadet actually managed to scare him into clinging onto the light fixture on the ceiling at the other end of the room, simply because he registered identically to Keith himself.

Keith had let out a bark of laughter, Uncle Omael let out an amused chuckle, while Angeal, Sephiroth and Zack all stared in shock.

"What the heck man! It took me a year before Genesis stopped flinching!" The Puppy wailed, looking to the Cadet who was just smirking with an innocent glint in his blue eyes.

It was like looking at a younger Keith who had a far greater vindictive streak than the janitor himself.

"I used to have ear infections all the time as a kid, the other kids were always throwing me into the river until I got strong enough to fight the lot off. I can mimic pretty well, and I can tell the Commander is deaf on his left side because I always ended up the same when I got sick."

"Shit, Keith, he's not like, your younger brother?" Genesis managed to blurt out as he tried to figure out how to get off the light fixture without breaking it in the process.

"Uh, nope. But he's like a younger brother."

That was all it took for Genesis to decide, he wanted to keep the Cadet for himself.

But . . . he would probably have to fight the Puppy for him.

 _He could do it though, he had like a 70% chance of beating the Puppy before Angeal intervened._

-o0o-

The first time Genesis had to inspect the newest crop of potential rookie Thirds, he was unaware of the little blonde shadow he had picked up.

The Cadets had been assigned as a cleaning crew in the same area of the parade grounds, and all of them were watching the inspection with their mouths hanging open.

Genesis hadn't registered that he was being handed the folders and other materials he had needed from his left side, until he turned to get a water bottle and came nose to hair spikes with his shadow.

Cocking an eyebrow, he looked down and waited.

"The others bet me I couldn't get near you, and your aid practically shoved these at me and ran when he caught sight of you. I just wanted to see if I could send you into the tree on the other side of the parade grounds again, like I did three weeks ago."

Genesis blinked for a second, looking at the blonde with the mega-watt grin.

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

Screwing with the lower ranks had never been more fun.

-o0o-

It soon came about that Cloud ended up as Genesis' unofficial 'aide'.

The fact that there were several instances where he had managed to scare Genesis onto something or, in one memorable occasion, actually INTO to ceiling crawl-space via the ceiling cladding, was one of the major highlights of his 'record'.

So when it was announced that Hojo was testing a new SOLDIER enhancement method on the said cadet, as he was ineligible for the current method, it only made sense that the unofficial aide be promoted into an official capacity.

Zack was incensed, he had wanted to be Cloud's mentor.

The only consolation Zack had, was that Genesis had to hand Cloud over to Angeal for formal sword training. Since the Cadet had already designed his Sword, and had managed to collect nearly half the materials for it already, he needed to be trained in blades that were a lot bigger and a lot longer than Genesis' Rapier.

Although that didn't mean he couldn't sit in on those lessons and give tips where he could, causing the Puppy to grumble every time he spoke up from where he would usually be after his own lessons (sprawled out on training mats in the corner).

It became normal to see Cloud trailing after Genesis through the halls, and on the rare occasion he even managed to catch Genesis before the man flipped out from someone coming up around his left side.

And thus the number of Genesis' friends increased by one.

-o0o-

 ** _Omake_**

-o0o-

Quite a few people had overheard Cloud mentioning the 'tree incident'.

Naturally the rumour spread, and soon everyone was trying to find out if it was true or not.

Finally, there was a notice posted by Sephiroth on the company notice board.

A time and place, with a picture of Genesis sitting in a tree glaring down at a fairly familiar cackling blonde head of spikes.

Naturally everyone turned up.

-o0o-

 _The home-movie started in earnest showing Sephiroth, Angeal, and Zack grinning in clear mischief at the camera, before Sephiroth reached out and took it._

 _"You know what to do, Cloudy?"_

 _"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me why you want to do this again? That way I know what exactly to do."_

 _"Because it's entertaining?"_

 _"I asked Seph, Zack, not you."_

 _"Gen has managed to burn my leather uniform coat. It might be an easy fix, but hunting down Zoloms was not what I wanted to do with my day off."_

 _"Okay. I got an idea. You still got that recording of a Zolom cry?"_

 _"You know that is still my email notification, right?"_

 _"Even better, give me your phone. 'Geal, mind sending a blank email to Seph when I signal?"_

 _"Of course."_

 _The next part of the film showed the small spikey haired blonde creeping up behind a clearly distracted Genesis, before holding out the PHS and waving at the dark haired Commander._

 _There was a faint noise, then Genesis seemed to disappear._

 _The ground moved over to the other side of what now was clearly identified as the Parade Grounds, where Genesis was blinking from where he was now sitting in the tree to the side._

 _Cloud began laughing hard, and there were snickers all around from the others, even as the Crimson Commander himself glared at the spiky haired blonde._

 _Before beginning to pout cutely, like a small child._

-o0o-

The spectators all blinked in confusion as the lights switched on, turning from the screen towards the door and the light switch.

They found Keith leaning in the door frame, an amused smile on his face as he folded his arms, the silence was driving them all insane.

"Genesis found out about this little . . . 'home-movie' session, and the content of said movie. I would say you've got . . ." He took a lazy glance at the watch on his wrist, pursing his lips as he studied the clock hands.

"Three minutes to clear out before he roasts all your asses."

They all turned to the three First Class SOLDIER's, who had already slipped out through the windows.

"Every man for himself." Cloud proclaimed with a grin before joining their three superior officers.

There was an enraged screech that only one auburn haired man in the building could produce, echoing through the halls and setting all their teeth on edge.

"Make that two minutes." Keith's voice was gleeful and the janitor was sauntering away from the door with a skip in his step.

Needless to say there was a mad scramble to exit the room.

-o0o-

Genesis left it up to the small group of slightly singed Third Class SOLDIER's to explain why one of the rec rooms had suffered extensive fire damage.

-o0o-

 _A/N: And that is another chapter done. ChaosBalance really helped me out with getting my writing back into gear, and I'll have to go look back through the prompts I have piled up, so hopefully another chapter for this fic, or another will be up and coming soon!_

 _W_ _ell, that's all for now!_

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	27. Chp24:HereKittyWhoAreYouCallingKitty?

**Chapter 24: "Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty," "Who are you calling Kitty?"**

-o0o-

 **The labs really need a better lock system.**

 **And Hollander is starting to become a real issue.**

-o0o-

 _A pause between assignments, so managed to squeeze in some writing!_

Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective franchises, as we all know.

-o0o-

It was a normal day around the Shinra Tower.

Well, as normal as it could be.

So it had taken far longer than it should have, for the staff to notice that there was something . . . off about some of their fellow employees.

Namely they were running around like headless chickens after a red laser dot.

Since it was the standard bi-monthly mako injections for a majority of the SOLDIERs (they couldn't have all their SOLDIERs on base out of action if anything occurred), the entirety of the staff were expecting there to be the odd rouge SOLDIER wandering the halls with impaired senses or hallucinating. Typically they were dealt with in a matter of minutes as they would be monitored by the medical staff, and so they weren't surprised to hear heavy footsteps in the halls or the odd noise (one time a 2nd Class was convinced he was some sort of bird and almost threw himself a window to prove that he could fly).

However it was when one of the accounting staff had stepped out to print some documents, that they began to notice something odd.

It wasn't hard to realise something was up when they found infantry armed with their guns (all locked on safety and completely unloaded), using the laser sights on their guns like a laser pointer.

Which explained where the red dots were coming from.

But it didn't explain why the heck the SOLDIERs were chasing them like they were cats.

As the science department was busy with the injections themselves and the medical staff handling the SOLDIER's who were having the most severe reactions to the new doses, it took a while to actually inform someone of the proper authority that something was seriously wrong with the SOLDIERs.

As soon as Omael was informed of the situation, he put all mako injections on hold and informed all available staff to help round up the SOLDIERs who were acting far out of the norm.

The laser pointers became useful at this point (for once at least since the infantry had crappy aim in the first place), the SOLDIER's that found interest in the shining red dot were gathered in one of the larger gyms (once all breakable items were removed) and locked inside with the infantry stationed in the level above.

The SOLDIERs were far too hyped up to be left idle, and so Keith gave them the great idea to tire the SOLDIERs out. The infantry were free to use their laser sights for as long as they liked, and they found great glee in playing with their proclaimed rivals, knowing there would be a ton of footage documenting this event.

But given they were acting like cats, a few of the infantry who had grown up with felines warned their fellows to let the SOLDIERs rest every now and then, as after a while their heart rate would be skyrocketing and possibly be an endangerment to their health.

All that was left to do now, was round up the few rouge SOLDIERs who hadn't been interested in the laser pointers at all, and Omael was already analyzing the mako dosages (thankfully some of the syringes hadn't been chucked yet) to see what had gone wrong.

Finding the rouges was going to be a bit of a challenge since said rouges were . . .

The more problematic ones.

Such as the Firsts and one or two Turks that required a steady flow of mako dosages.

Tseng and Veld were more than happy to search for their rouge Turks, leaving the SOLDIERs to the few that were unaffected and Keith. The janitors were a bit too busy cleaning up the wreckage the laser pointers had wrought (mostly a couple of walls that the infantry had been far too eager to point the red dots on, causing a few SOLDIERs to ram right through them and look about in bewilderment when they found the shiny dot was gone).

Funnily enough, Zack was the first to be found, thanks to a squad of troopers who had come back to their dorms to find . . . well . . .

Considering how Cloud had been raised, the term 'Nesting Dragons' wasn't that much of a stretch.

The SOLDIERs were well aware that Keith was really the only one who could handle a situation like this, and that was how he found himself in the infantry barracks, looking at a completely content Zackary Fair under the much smaller frame of Cloud, being groomed by the latter.

The large 'nest' made of blankets and pillows, accompanied by the lazing forms of the trooper squad, only made the image resemble the title all the more.

Everyone was clothed (thank the heavens for that), Zack was mostly silent except for a few rumbled noises of content as Cloud licked and nuzzled Zack's cheeks and the back of his neck.

Upon the sight of newcomers, Cloud immediately started to growl softly in warning, and there was a bit of fire sparking behind his teeth. The troopers from the room next door flinched back, looking to Keith hoping he knew what the Hel he was doing.

"I got this. Just inform Omael that Strife apparently also had a dosage of the contaminated mako.

Once you've done that, you can resume looking for the other missing SOLDIERs."

The troopers nodded hastily and fled, causing Cloud's growling to die down and he went back to grooming Zack, content that it was just him, his squadmates and part of his hoard that was present.

Keith approached the pile slowly, crouching down in his knees until he was eye to eye with Cloud.

The smaller blonde let out a questioning rumble, but Keith just ruffled his hair and gave a rumble of his own in return, assuring one of the few he considered part of his hoard that everything was fine.

He just needed to let Omael know; someone got into that special batch he had gifted the man.

-o0o-

Omael was not happy to find out Cloud and Zack's condition.

"HE PUT DRAGON SCALES IN ZACKERY'S DOSE! BY Shiva's tits am I glad that Cloud was partially raised by Nibel Dragons and Zackery is a submissive!"

His closest interns and colleagues could understand Omael's anger, they had seen how Omael treated the blue eyed blonde boy like his own son, and he had some small amount of affection for the Puppy who liked to pop in every now and then to say hi to them all.

It was obviously Hollander who had tampered with some of mako dosages, as their investigation had found out. The initial contaminant was cat hair, and looking from the footage they found out it was Genesis' cat who had been wandering about the lab, gaining access to the storage unit due to someone doing a sloppy job with locking the door.

Further footage showed Hollander finding the mako was contaminated, but instead of reporting it like protocol dictated, he had gone and tampered with it further, even going into Omael's personal storage freezer for other samples.

While they couldn't currently charge him for tampering with the mako due to needing every member of staff on board to try and figure out a cure, Omael had no problem with sending the more problematic and hyperactive SOLDIERs they had brought in to observe, in Hollanders direction.

With some responsible interns with a good moral compass standing by to ensure he didn't do any further damage.

-o0o-

Angeal was the second to be found.

Thankfully he only had a dose with the cat hair contaminating it, instead of the more wilder variety that Hollander could have used.

A group of troopers were the ones to find him, mostly due to hearing a loud yelp from the First Class common lounge through the vents that connected to the hallway.

It was a rather surprising sight to see the large muscular man curled up on the floor clutching his face, a set of mismatched whiskers poking out from his fingers.

The whiskers in question were mismatched as Angeal had been . . . pulling them out. Out of all the SOLDIERs they had seen thus far, Angeal seemed to be the most coherent and stable-minded out of the lot, his brain and thoughts were completely human but he had a few new physical attributes.

He also mentioned a new appreciation for Fish, particularly the oily kind that he had previously wouldn't have touched with a ten foot pole, but that was neither here nor there.

Watching him contort into a vast array of shapes, and being able to actually scratch his own back by doing so, was actually quite amusing.

-o0o-

Genesis was a little harder to track down.

As none of the SOLDIERs had made it up past the 60th floor, no one had thought that any SOLDIER would be coherent enough to operate the lift with their access pass, but after seeing Angeal, they decided that perhaps they should check the higher floors.

If they hadn't, they probably wouldn't have found Genesis for hours.

The Crimson Commander was located in a meeting room on floor 63, one of the few meeting rooms with a whole wall of windows that got a rare bit of sunlight despite the clouds that always covered Midgard.

Genesis was napping in a patch of sunlight, a soft rumbling purr confirmed he had the cat dosage (which was reported to Omael), and a 2nd Class SOLDIER crept forward to wake the Commander up, as they needed to get him down to the lab.

That.

Was a mistake.

Genesis did not like being woken up from his nap, rising instantly onto all fours and hissing, causing the SOLDIERs to reel back, and once Genesis had control of his human vocal cords, he screeched "I'll flambe all you idiots for waking me from a good nap!"

And began to hurl fireballs at them all.

The meeting room on floor 63 suffered minor damage from the fireballs, but thankfully the sprinkler system kicked in and extinguished the flames. Genesis though, did not appreciate the sudden shower and hid under the meeting table.

When he emerged, he certainly was the picture of a drowned kitten.

He only left for Omael's lab because he was promised warm clothes and heated towels.

-o0o-

Sephiroth was the last to be found, and he certainly was the hardest to find.

By the time he was found, Omael had made a temporary cure that dampened the animalistic urges, but the physical attributes were still there.

It had been Genesis who found Sephiroth, and completely on accident.

The affected personnel were quarantined to the shared SOLDIER recreational hall, and Genesis really needed some tea for his stress headache.

The few SOLDIERs that hadn't had their mako dosages for that day, were keeping an eye on Genesis both to see how long the temporary cure lasted and for their own safety.

So it wasn't just Genesis that got startled when he got hit in the face by a river of hair when he opened the door to the cabinet.

Silver hair.

"HOW THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN GET IN THERE, MUCH LESS SHUT THE DOOR?! It's less than a quarter of your size!"

He got a (thankfully) coherent response, even if it was sleepy grumble.

"If I fits; I sits. Besides; I wanted a nap and no-one would let me."

Genesis let out a frustrated sigh, looking as if he was going to drag a hand down his own face.

"Look, can I just have a mug? I don't care anymore, I just want a drink."

"Check the one next door."

" _Should someone go get Kogane?"_ A SOLDIER 3rd whispered, and indeed, someone sprinted out to go get the Head Janitor, as none of them had a hope of removing Sephiroth without one of the few people who could actually handle the General.

Because it looked like Sephiroth wasn't going to budge.

"There are none in there. I checked, all of them." Genesis growled, a slight hiss creeping into his tone.

"What makes you think I would have left the Mugs in this one if I was planning to _sleep_ in it?"

 _Oh Minerva have mercy on us, the temp cure is wearing off!_

 _Where in Hel was Kogane?!_

-o0o-

It took an hour.

 **An hour.**

All of those present in the room were scared shitless, watching Genesis argue back and forth with a sleepy yet irritated Sephiroth, who hadn't even moved or shifted. Most of them were amazed none of his limbs were cramping yet.

So when Keith walked in, those present were both relieved and baffled.

Mostly baffled because Keith had the trooper, who was reported to have also gotten a bit of a dose, hanging onto his back like a limpet, face buried into his neck and nuzzling (yes, nuzzling) his cheek against Keith's every other second.

The janitor strode right up to the cabinet, Genesis scrambling out of the way, as Zack and a bunch of troopers (from Strife's squad) trailed in behind him like a bunch of ducklings.

Seeing the blonde trooper make small kitten licks at the back of Keith's neck was a bit . . . odd, but they had seen the man walk around with a variety of specimens confiscated *cough*rescued*cough* from Hollander's lab draped all over his body and not flinch once if they licked or bit him, so seeing he had no reaction from this was normal.

"Sephiroth . . . why are you in a cabinet?"

The General in question made a disgruntled noise in response, Genesis decided to provide the answer as Sephiroth had stopped talking with words ten minutes prior.

"Apparently he couldn't nap so he found a place where he wouldn't be disturbed. And if he can fit inside something, he'll sit. All I wanted was a drink, and he won't give up the mugs. But, what's up with Cloud and why is he licking you?"

"Grooming, from whatever got into the dose he was exposed to. I couldn't leave until he deemed me groomed, it took some persuading and this is the result."

Removing Sephiroth from the cabinet was the major issue, but Keith did not have the patience to deal with a grumpy silver cat at the same time with a tea-deprived Genesis.

Sephiroth let out a disgruntled hiss when Keith shoved his hand into the cupboard, causing the General to shift just enough for Keith to pull a mug out, which he gave to Genesis.

"I would wash that first just in case."

Genesis nodded and left the room, humming happily under his breath as he went to find a working kettle.

And now Sephiroth was the only problem.

Given that Keith had only so much time before Cloud would become disgruntled and want to return to his nest, negotiating with Sephiroth would take too long and Omael really needed Sephiroth down in his office.

"Cloud?"

The blonde trooper paused in his grooming, glancing up with slitted blue eyes to the cupboard.

"See something odd here?"

Cloud gave a confused rumble as he saw the silver hair and black leather instead of a cupboard with mugs.

"We can't go back to the nest until he's removed."

Cloud did not like that one bit.

Everyone in the room (besides Cloud and Keith) clapped their hands over their ears as Sephiroth let out a loud and high-pitched yowl as the smaller trooper bit him on the scruff of the neck and pulled him out in one firm yank, while still clinging onto Keith.

Sephiroth wasn't going down without a fight though, grabbing onto the countertop with his fingertips, gouging into the wood enough to bring him yanking to a halt.

Cloud was rumbling darkly even with a mouthful of Sephiroth's skin between his teeth, and Sephiroth was hissing back just as darkly.

They were at a stalemate.

Until Keith gave Sephiroth an incentive.

"If you stay a cat, you can't eat chocolate. We don't know how much of your biology is changed, and until we know . . . that means no candy."

As expected, Sephiroth let out a wail of dismay, now fighting to escape Cloud's grip so he could get to Omael's lab as soon as possible. Except Cloud wasn't going to let go until Sephiroth went limp or showed some sign of submission.

Which was becoming an issue as Sephiroth was becoming highly distressed.

Zack took it upon himself to fix the problem.

By tackling the two, with Keith in the middle who was just done with all of this and wanted to hibernate for a few hours.

Cloud let out a startled guttural roar, Sephiroth screeched in triumph and Keith swore as he hit the ground.

A silver blur flew out the door, headed straight for Omael's office.

However, Zack and Cloud were rough-housing on top of Keith, the other occupant of the room stepping back as they avoided flailing limbs and flinched at the sounds coming from the two.

"Someone - shit Zack watch your elbow! Someone let Omael know - Cloud I swear - Sephiroth's on his way."

A 3rd nodded and began to message Omael via the group chat that had been made specifically to inform the science department of the incoming SOLDIER's.

Keith was attempting to grab Cloud and Zack by the collars of their shirts, but both boys were all over the place and making it impossible for him to get a hold on them.

Given he was running out of patience, no one could blame him for losing his temper.

A loud harsh growl caused both boys to freeze, and Keith crowed in relief when he snagged the boys collars, tugging them to their feet.

"Alright, now that this is all sorted, we are going back to the nest, and I am going to sleep for at least eight hours. You two, are going to behave."

Cloud and Zack both nodded, the Puppy began to herd Cloud's fellow squadmates out of the break room and back to the dorms, Keith was already speed-walking down the hall with a firm grip on Cloud who was nuzzling again to try and placate Keith's anger.

 _Keith got his eight hours, and Angeal fell back through the door when he got growled at by the janitor when he saw where his Puppy was._

 _Well, he supposed he'd better be calling Zack, 'Hatchling' now._

-o0o-

 _A/N: This chapter idea was spawned due to visiting my sister and playing around with her cats for a bit, I mentioned how I could use an idea and then we just got chatting._

 _I've got another essay due in two weeks, so I can't promise many updates! Sorry!_

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	28. Chp 25: Why The Mail Is Hell

_**Chapter 25: Why The Mail Is Hell**_

-o0o-

 **The Mail Department**  
 **The most normal, generic department ever.**

 _ **In SHINRA, that is a lie.**_

-o0o-

 _This, is probably one of the longest chapters I've ever done. It practically wrote itself._

 _This was all due to a comment from_ _ **NervousOtaku**_ _who was wondering what on earth is going on in the mail department that was mentioned in the Laundry chapter. And thus, this chapter was born. Along with another background character, Perry, you shall forever be remembered for your services._

Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners, even the ones I've borrowed from another series. I just like borrowing characters because my love for another series is leaking into this one.

-o0o-

Shinra had many departments.

The general types of departments that any large corporation required, along with the few specified departments that made Shinra was it was. Mainly the SOLDIER, Administrative Research, Science and Weapons Development departments.

Public Safety wasn't that big a deal, it was basically a private army.

Urban Development only had a handful of staff, so it couldn't be called a department per say.

One would think that the most terrifying department to work in would be one of the departments the company was most known for, but surprisingly (well, not really, Shinra didn't make sense at all) it was one of the general administrative departments.

Namely, the _Mail_ department.

It had at first been a normal department, sorting out the general packages and envelopes the company received or sent off.

But as the company began to change, so did this department.

As the Science Department began to bloom into the most successful of the lot (SOLDIER hadn't been implemented yet), the scientists began to get a bit more liberal with what they ordered.

And as everything delivered or sent from Shinra had to be processed through the Mail department (unless it was a package or envelope that had to be delivered in person, various security levels applied), any weird objects or specimens went through the department.

The first time a specimens head came through the department, the employee who had been unfortunate enough to scan it, didn't realise what it was and the scientist who had ordered the specimen hadn't bothered to tell the one sending it, to label it in the appropriate manner.

The employee could not make heads or tails of what the scanner showed the contents of the package, and per protocol, they opened it.

It was the first time the mail department found out what the exact smell of rotting flesh was, and it wouldn't be the last.

As the years went by, and with the introduction of both SOLDIER and the Administrative Research Department, the weird packages got even weirder.

No one wanted to bring up the package addressed to the Turks full of questionable white powder packs, they didn't want to know what the Turks might do if queries about those packages came to light.

(Veld, thankfully though, informed the head of the mail department that they were for a series of drug tests, the Turks were not using it for recreational means.)

And then Scarlet took over Weapon's Development.

The things she ordered or sent off from her department were always handled with care after one of her experimental designs had its motion detectors on, and some vials of a foul smelling liquid burnt a hole through the metal container it had been transported in, as the employee handling it had dropped it. Apparently it was some type of fuel she had been interested in, and she showed no intent to stop ordering it despite being told what said liquid did.

As the company President didn't even bother to read the reports from the minor departments, he wasn't even aware of what his employees were ordering and so the mail department ran unchecked for over thirty years.

By the time Keith entered the company, none of the original mail department employees were still working with Shinra (either due to injury, trauma or just full out quitting), and so no one remembered how a normal mail department worked anymore.

The mail department floor had become hell, and there was always a fight between which employee got to deliver the normal office supplies for the day, even a ten minute reprieve from the department was like a blessing.

And then there came the fan clubs.

As there was always the threat of terrorists or downright creepy fans, every single bit of mail addressed to the General's were screened and checked, only roughly 4% of any fan mail processed actually made it out of the department.

While most of the employees hated the towering stack of mail, that they could never get through in one working week, they did have to admit there were some crazy and almost impressive things enclosed in the packages.

Although Hollander's packages were the most frightening, they didn't want to ask how Hollander knew someone that managed to catch a Tonberry for him. The scientist had luckily (or perhaps unluckily) picked the package up before the Tonberry could create enough havoc for them to call for security, and so the Tonberry went unchecked until Keith ended up relocating said Tonberry to the kitchen.

But all in all, the mail department was the worst place to be in the entire building.

Despite their many notices and reminders to Scarlet, she always forgot to label her packages properly, resulting in many burnt fingertips as packages exploded, or fragile items were broken due to rough handling.

The science department had eventually learned their lesson, having their packages labelled correctly (they got the message after a Zolom's innards ruined an entire cart of administrative letters and stunk up the entire floor for two days), but it was always the live specimens that they had to handle with care.

There was a 75% chance that they escaped, every single one being Hollander's as he and his underlings couldn't be bothered to secure their specimens properly. They loved it when Professor Hojo (yes, they called him Professor, he earned the right to be called Professor unlike Hollander, the pissant) came down with a specimen to send, perfectly labelled and comfortable secured for whatever trip it was about to make.

The day the Malboro came in though . . .

They had to abandon the entire department when it got loose, a weeks worth of mail was lost (but luckily none of them were personal letters for the cadets), and Keith was called.

By this point he was the go to man for escaped specimens, and none of them wanted to know how he got the Malboro out, but they did enjoy the brief vacation as the mail department needed a thorough deep cleaning.

So in conclusion, the mail department handled everything that went in and out of the building, and as Midgar was the largest and headquarters of the company, they received 80% of all mail that Shinra got.

The only upside to working in the department was that one's reflexes were honed to exceptional levels. A skill that was discovered when a small petite woman was assaulted by a known rapist, evading the man's attacks, eventually judo-flipping him and on reflex pinched a nerve ending that had him paralyzed for several hours. A move she had learned handling the lab specimens for about four months, and she happily informed her colleagues the next day.

But other than that, there wasn't many perks working in the mail department.

-o0o-

There were many various incidents that the mail department remembered.

They had a board.

An actual board labelled _**Top 10 Incidents To Date**_ , and there were many disputes over which were more memorable. A smaller board was dedicated to incidents that got kicked off the list.

The current top 10 had all occurred in the last four years, and so every current employee working in the department had been witness to a majority of them.

-o0o-

 _ **Incident #10**_

The department were used to getting the odd fur hide or monster claws in the various sized packages that came through every day, but never before had they had this sort of package delivered.

It was a decently sized package, a rectangular cardboard box that contained about eight smaller boxes inside it. As the metal boxes made the scanner useless, it had to be opened for them to inspect the contents, even though the package didn't have labels indicating there was any living organism inside, one should never let down their guard in the mail department.

Many had learned their lesson after getting fingers bitten off.

The metal boxes did not contain anything living, but parts of something that had.

It wasn't odd for the department to find scales in packages, Scarlet sometimes ordered monster scales to compare her weapons armor to, or tried to incorporate the scales into armor. The science department did every now and then also receive scales for their experiments.

However, the scales were normally smaller than the ones that this package had. The largest set of scales that had been received before had been a hand width, but these scales were the size of dinner plates, and they weighed a ton. No wonder it had taken four of them to carry the package from the mail truck.

They were all puzzled by the package, even more so when they saw it wasn't addressed to the Weapons or Science Department.

In fact, it was addressed to the Custodial Department.

They were wondering if they should call Keith, as if nothing made sense it was easier to ask him than to try and figure it out by themselves.

As if thinking of the man was enough to summon him, Keith just so happened to arrive. As one of the few outside the mail department that knew how chaotic it could get, he easily made his way through the maze of carts and stacks of envelopes without disturbing a thing, which made their job easier. Many had to work overtime several times because some blundering idiot toppled towers that had already been sorted.

Given that everyone was always on the move, it was easy to see where the problems were if someone stood still for more than 30 seconds.

"What happens to be the problem?"

Matt sighed in relief, gesturing to the open box on the table in front of him.

"We've got a package of scales, larger than the normal scales we get. I think it might be mislabelled? It's not for the Science or Weapon's, but addressed for your department."

There was a glimmer of delight in Keith's eye, and he inspected one of the scales with an eager grin on his face.

"Hmm, yes. These aren't the normal scales Omael or Scarlet order, they're for me. These are high quality Dragon scales."

" _What?!"_ Matt squeaked, eyes wide with shock as he stared at the scale Keith was now placing back in its box.

" _Vincent has a good eye for Dragon scales."_ Keith muttered under his breath, closing the cardboard flaps and hefting the box into his arms.

"You're doing wonderful work Matt, I did come down to warn you I may have overheard Scarlet ordering some highly flammable oils for her latest project, so I would keep an eye out for any medium sized packages for her department in the next week. I'll come back in a few days."

With that, he made his way to the door, a vast majority of the department had been staring at him the moment he said the scales were for him. The growing smirk on his face didn't help settle the rising fear in their gut (one must always follow gut instinct), and as he pushed his way through the swinging doors into the hallway, they all heard "I'm going to have fun with these!"

The very blood in their veins froze, the utter delight in Keith's voice was one very reminiscent of when he backed self-righteous utter snobs into a corner, who thought they were like God and demanded those below them to fetch them coffee or deliver paperwork. Most of them ended up never drinking coffee again, or would walk twenty flights of stairs rather than take the elevator to fetch paperwork.

Whatever Keith was going to do with those scales, they, didn't want to know.

 _There were many screams that came from the Turks department later on that day, and the smell of brimstone and ash permeated that level of the building for at least a week._

 _If anyone asked a Turk about what happened, they would flinch and search whatever room they were in and stare in terror at the air vents._

 _Keith continued to scare the crap out of the Turks by carrying a scale around on his rounds._

-o0o-

 _ **Incident #9**_

This incident was the result of a prior incident, but was no less weird in how it came about.

Angeal had been having a bad week . . . well, a bad couple of weeks.

Everyone was aware of Angeal's knack and love for plants, Zack being his student was well aware of his teacher's green thumb.

So in order to cheer Angeal up, he decided to buy some exotic plants online.

He was confident in the plants being exotic as he had come across the shop on a mission off continent.

What he failed to do, in his eagerness to help raise his mentor's spirits, was read the blatant warnings, along with the terms and conditions.

So the mail department were not at all aware of what they were going to be facing when the crate of plants came in on a Wednesday afternoon.

The moment the crate was open, the plants went crazy.

Apparently the plants tended to thrive in a tropical environment, by the time it had gotten to the mail department the crate was at room temperature, and these plants were craving warmth.

The closest to the crate were snatched up and cuddled, but no one saw it as cuddling when green tendrils were shoving their way down ones shirt.

Keith was of course called up, he took one look at the plants lunging out at anyone they could, and shouted for quiet.

Everyone froze, even the plants.

"Exit in an orderly fashion, go get all the heaters you can find, and someone find out what idiot ordered these Malbrants!"

Half the mail team scurried off to find the heaters, Matt dove for the closest computer, and the rest loitered in the hallway as they had no idea what to do.

Keith was ringing up Angeal, asking for the General to make his way to the mail room as fast as possible, while glaring at the tendril that was trying to sneak up his leg.

It flinched back and slithered back into the crate, hiding under its fellows.

By the time Angeal arrived, there were at least fifty heaters running full blast, and the mail crew were shoving the packages and carts of envelopes as far as they could from the crate. Keith had relented slightly, letting only two tendrils seek warmth, wrapped gently around his waist while Matt was showing him whom the crate was addressed to.

Angeal had no clue what the plant was, but a plant was a plant, and he loved finding new species.

When it was revealed that Zack was the one that had ordered the plants, Keith and Angeal knew exactly what had happened.

Unfortunately Zack was out on a mission in Junon, and so they couldn't chew him out.

The only upside to the situation was there were only two Malbrant's, the equivalent of 3 year olds so they were of an age that could be taught.

Angeal's body heat was high enough that it was comfortable for the Malbrant's to be transported to the green-house he had, some of the mail team running ahead to help increase the heat in said green-house. As Angeal had no idea how to handle one, let alone two Malbrant's without prior research, Keith ended up carrying one of the Malbrant's pots, enduring the inquisitive plant's touches (they were fascinated by hair apparently) while instructing Angeal on the few things he knew of the plants.

He was no means an expert, but he knew enough to recognize certain plants on his travels.

Once Angeal knew exactly what he was dealing with, he took to the Malbrant's like a fish to water, and the Malbrant's loved him like a child does their parent.

 _Zack did get a thorough chewing out, but Angeal did thank him as the intention behind the gift was what mattered._

 _Angeal was often seen around the tower for several weeks afterwards, carrying both Malbrants in a single pot._

 _The curious few, mostly infantry and cadets, would often be curious enough to abandon their common sense and poke at a stray tendril._

" _Please don't touch. Taba won't like that."_

" _Taba?" The cadet who was a centimetre away from touching the curious tendril, froze up with a confused and guilty expression._

" _The red plant."_

" _You, named your plant?"_

" _No, I named my Malbrant."_

" _Your . . . Malbrant?"_

" _It's a cousin of the Malboro."_

 _Needless to say everyone soon avoided Angeal when they saw him carrying Taba and Tabo around._

-o0o-

 _ **Incident #8**_

This incident was one of the more . . . embarrassing incidents on the board. It also was the one to spawn another of the board-worthy Incidents.

Fan mail wasn't a rare occurrence, but Angeal had the smallest and more normal fan base than the other two. So it was rare for him to get the more . . . varied gifts.

He did not expect such a gift to have come from his _Mother_ of all people, though.

It had first been odd to see there was no jars of preserves that his mother usually sent him, ones he shared with the mailroom to ease the suffering they went through every day (Keith had suggested Angeal spend a day there to understand why some cadets feared it as punishment detail).

Worried, as this was unusual of his mother, he opened the envelope.

Only for (what his nose told him) were pair of _dirty smallclothes_ to fall out of the envelope and onto the desk in front of him when he pulled the letter out.

A quick glance at the bottom of the letter confirmed it, _it wasn't from his mother at all_!

"Someone get the Turks please." came the faint whimper from the embarrassed, shocked, and worried man.

The next few hours were spent trying to figure out where the letter had truly come from, a fanatic (possibly psychotic) stalker who had gone to great lengths to find and use his mother's address and name so it would pass inspections.

Luckily (although at the time it didn't seem like it) Angeal had opened it in the mailroom rather than his own apartment, meaning that the mail department made it their mission to inspect all mail Angeal received so he wouldn't suffer the same embarrassment ever again.

-o0o-

 _ **Incident #7**_

This was the fourth time in over ten years that the Turks received a rather large package containing packs of powder, which were quite obviously some sort of drugs.

The crates came from Junon and Costa del Sol, which were known for their wild nightlife, as well as the main areas the Turks seized the products of meth labs.

At this point the mail room were wondering how much the Turks were using for . . . training. Veld, the Turk Director, had explained the drugs were for training exercises. As the Turks did have to go undercover in bars or in gangs, they would be exposed to drugs or copious amounts of alcohol, and so the training was to build up a resistance.

But considering the number and size of the packs, compared to the very few number of Turks trainees . . . it didn't add up.

It was Reno, surprisingly, that provided the piece the puzzle. One that the Mail Room staff all collectively thought that they were better off not knowing.

"Yo, there are way more probationary trainees than actual trainees. One test you hafta do in order to get into the Turks is part of the resistance training all probationary trainees get. If ya end up hooked on the stuff, and start going crazy, then you'll be wrung out in cold turkey fer a coupla weeks, then given a choice. Either the Turks are more important to ya, or ya fix is. The thing is, the dose in the 'fix' of whatever it is ya hooked on is the same as what ya were taking before getting wrung out cold turkey. Most Probie Trainees chose the dose and kill 'emselves. It helps to weed out those that aren't gonna cut it in the Turk ranks."

The mail room staff found themselves regretting getting their answer, but also thankful the question that had been bugging them for ten years had been answered.

-o0o-

 _ **Incident #6**_

This had been one of the more destructive incidents, and one of the few incidents that had a punished cadet in the mailroom.

As the Science Department did manufacture artificial materia, there were a rare few occasions they actually had some natural materia imported. Mostly so that cadets could get a read between natural and artificial materia.

A cadet that had been punished for cheating on a written test, had been put onto sorting crates under supervision. But the employee that had been supervising the cadet was called away as one of Scarlet's packages had come in, and required someone experienced with her mail.

He was only away for five minutes, but five minutes was enough for chaos to erupt.

The cocky cadet had popped open a crate to find the quarterly shipment of natural Materia.

Since his father was a Materia shop owner, he had handled Materia as a child.

So being the cocky little shit who thought he could get away with cheating on tests, he plucked up the first Materia he got his hands on, and lit it up.

The problem was that his father had sent him to the cadet course because his idiotic son couldn't tell a Healing Materia from a Summon.

And thus; he had done it again.

The room lit up in glowing red, and hellfire descended upon the department.

Literal hellfire.

Because the fricking summon was Ifrit.

Said Summon wasn't happy to be summoned due to an incompetent child who mistook him for a healing Materia.

No words were needed to explain the events that followed.

Keith and Genesis were both called down to handle the situation.

Keith saw the summon, the cadet who was cowering in his own puddle of piss, and turned to the Crimson General.

"You deal with Ifrit. I deal with this moron."

The cadet was dragged out whimpering, Keith muttering for him to 'man the fuck up', and Genesis dealt with Ifrit in a calm and orderly manner (more like he made the summon bow to his will through force, and a whole heap of Angeal's cookies).

 _The cadet was kicked out of the program, and the officer that brought him home gave the boy's father his condolences._

-o0o-

 _ **Incident #5**_

Incident number 5 was one of the few that made them vacate the mail room for more than a day, and so it was memorable.

Not in a good way though.

Perry, was one of the more butter fingered employees, and so they never let him near the fragile marked packages or Scarlet's mail.

The one time they let him help with one of the Science Department's packages, it ended up with someone almost losing an eye.

So no one thought there would be a problem if they put him on the regular mail duty.

That, turned out to be a huge mistake.

No one would have thought perishable items could be so pungent, and no one knew what the heck was in that crate (except it was slimy, foul smelling and extremely far past its use by date).

Perry so happened to drop it dead in the centre of the mailroom, right under the air vents.

The smell spread like a plague.

No one needed to be told to evacuate, and they fled as fast as they possibly could.

Later on when the janitorial team came to inspect the situation, even Keith had trouble not wrinkling his nose at the stench.

The mailroom had to be deep cleaned, Perry was transferred to the disposal department (at least there everything was already broken), and a new rule was implemented for anything perishable to be labelled.

No one to this day knew what had been in that package, and no one wanted to know.

-o0o-

 _ **Incident #4**_

This incident showed that some fans could be dedicated, but for the love of all that's holy, some of them took it too far.

Sephiroth did get the strangest fan gifts, there had been at least twenty separate incidents of fans sending their own hair, and about five asking for him to send his own.

He also had received about eight gifts similar to Angeal's most embarrassing mail incident, and by this time the employees didn't even blink, they just threw those ones into the incinerator.

But this gift blew all other weird fan mail out of the water.

The package was large, almost the size of a coffin (Matt looked very concerned at Karen's comment), and from the scans there was a living organism inside. It had the shape of a human, but other specimens had looked similar to humans before but never in packages this size.

But it was addressed to Sephiroth in a rather familiar handwriting that was put down on the blacklist (yes, they had a blacklist).

Given there was a living organism inside a package addressed to the General, with the handwriting of a blacklisted fan, they tore the package open pretty quickly.

A barely lucid woman (most likely in her twenties) stumbled out, bleary eyed and most certainly dehydrated, a grin on her face as she realised she was in the Shinra building.

According to the mail slip, the package had been sent over a day ago, because the couriers were as slow as snails. A reason why their work piled up so much, because instead of receiving the mail daily, they got an entire week's worth dumped on them on every second day, as the posties let it build up for a few days before sending it all off.

Well, now they had a face to match the handwriting.

Once they sent the woman along to the general hospital, the security that took her away were stuck with hearing her babble about how she was supposed to serve 'Master' and that she was his best slave, even though it was clear she knew nothing about Sephiroth (hearing that Sephiroth hated chocolate from her lips made at least a third of the staff howl in laughter and some even cried).

Sephiroth was only informed of the situation after she had been admitted into psychiatric care, and Genesis laughed up a storm from the expression Sephiroth had on his face.

It would forever be remembered as the weirdest fan gift any of the mail department had received, nothing could really top that incident.

Or so they thought.

-o0o-

 _ **Incident #3**_

If there was one person the entire mail department loathed . . .

It had to be Hollander.

Scarlet was a close second with her habit of not labelling her packages, but most of that was due to her mind working on more than two projects at once. One could say she was scatterbrained, but she just had a really focused mindset. Mostly on her designs, and as her inventions paid for a quarter of their salary, they couldn't begrudge her for doing her work.

Hollander however, was on a whole 'nother level.

While his packages containing experimental material, and the specimens he ordered were labelled appropriately, it was the specimen's in question that made their lives hell.

They never knew what dangerous monster he had gotten his hands on, and so had to approach each specimen with caution.

The incoming specimens were fine, the people catching them for him knew how to secure them properly, and so if those specimens managed to escape the labs, Keith would be right on top of those.

The few rare occasions he had specimens shipped out were the major problem. Instead of asking someone experienced enough in handling and shipping specimens, he opted to do them himself.

And so those specimens normally ran rampant in the mailroom, as their cages only lasted for the elevator ride down.

And of course, they were not fully equipped to catch said specimens, which meant every single time Hollander had a specimen sent out, Keith would be on standby to catch them when they inevitably got free.

There had been the few occasions Keith had been preoccupied with other responsibilities, and so they had to keep some specimens busy until he was available, putting their highly honed skills to use.

A few times when Keith had been late, some specimens were actually not that bad, and became attached to employees. Normally, this would have been reported, but those specimens had been marked for disposal.

No one reported those few in.

Dexter liked his new found companion, a Behemoth that had obviously been the runt of the litter given it only reached up to his elbows, rather than towering above him. According to the records Keith managed to check, Hollander had somehow managed to keep the Behemoth stuck at its current size, so even in adulthood it would still be a runt.

So they wouldn't have to worry about Patricia (Tricia for short) being too large to make her way through the mail room, were she made herself useful pushing carts and carrying small parcels around to where they ought to go. Apparently Patricia had taught herself to read in Hollander's lab, something that they swore never to tell anyone about.

The mail room was a 'ride or die' sort of family. And if anyone sold out secrets, the consequences would be terrifying.

So they were more wary of Hollander's outgoing mail, rather than incoming.

However, on a strange one off occasion, it was the incoming mail that scared the absolute shit out of them.

It had been an extremely normal day, the last weird incident (someone had tried to mail a poisoned pie, and really, why would someone poison a pie? It was a travesty!) had been a week ago, so they really should have expected something weird to occur. But the weather had been fairly decent that morning, and the cafeteria special wasn't something that resembled or smelled like it came from the belly of a Zolom.

Brandon, had been the unfortunate one to check Hollander's incoming specimen, a smaller specimen compared to the usually larger containers his requests came in.

No one could blame him for making a high pitched shriek as a knife, yes, a knife, tore through the shoddy aluminium box the specimen had been secured in. It only took a few seconds for the specimen to rip through the box like it was melted butter, revealing the horrifying sight of a . . . .

Tonberry.

Brandon would have hit a panic button, which they didn't have but **really** should be installed, and so his garbled screams were what alerted his fellow co-workers.

By the time they all realised that something was wrong, not the normal wrong, but a wrong of epic proportions, Hollander had suddenly apparated into the mailroom. Tricia was long gone, she knew the smell of the man who hurt her, but Dexter was too far focused on the fact that Brandon had fainted, to notice she had slunk off.

No one but Brandon knew what the box had contained, as Hollander had slammed a metal box, (which wasn't made of aluminium thankfully) and fled the mailroom, thanking them for their services and he had received his specimen. His words should have made alarm bells ring, but they were too busy trying to wake Brandon up.

Brandon had been born and raised near the Mythril Mines, he was tough as a steel! So whatever had made him freak out that much, had to be bad.

The mailroom wouldn't know what the specimen had been, until hours later.

They did hear from Jerry (one of the interns for Omael), who came down two hours after Hollander had received his specimen, telling them all about how his boss had a rant of epic proportions, chewing Hollander out until the man was a whimpering mess on his own floor. But he didn't know what made Omael so mad, just that his boss returned looking like he got a weight off his chest, and they had all heard his screeching from the floor below, although his words were slightly muffled by the flooring.

It was only hours later, that they heard the commotion from the others, screams of "Tonberry!" reaching their floor through the ventilation system. Which were great at picking up conversations apparently, they could hear chattering and gossip from ten floors above, provided they actually listened carefully enough.

Of course they didn't stop their work, but they all began to realise that the Tonberry, must have been the specimen Hollander had picked up.

Brandon had finally woke up, just in time to hear Keith's screeching from several floors up, and knew that the Tonberry had been dealt with, and apparently relocated to another part of the Tower.

 _None of them actually saw the Tonberry until two weeks later, when Bob (the head chef who made the most amazing pastries) and his new assistant Tony came to pick up the monthly shipment of specialty ingredients for the SOLDIER canteen._

 _Tony turned out to be said Tonberry, and was more than happy to take the envelopes containing orders for the kitchen, from a rather pale Brandon. He almost collapsed into a dead faint again when Tony and Bob left, the little lantern swinging from the pole strapped to the Tonberry's back._

 _They all heard the two having a coherent conversation through the swinging doors, Tony replying to Bob's words in short squeaks and sharp chirps._

 _In the dead silence that followed, Matt's question was heard by all._

" _Isn't that's Keith's antique lantern?"_

-o0o-

 _ **Incident #2**_

This incident was probably one of the more horrific of the lot, although they really couldn't blame the recipient of the package, but the sender.

Omael didn't often order specimens, and so it was rare to have a specimen for the Professor passing through the mailroom. If Hollander had a specimen coming in every two weeks, the Professor would have an incoming specimen only twice a year.

The specimens he ordered were normally harmless and almost docile, but the more wild ones were always secured perfectly and the only danger to their well-being was if they let the specimen out.

So when the Professor's newest specimen came in, the size of the box was rather alarming. It could easily house a full grown Behemoth and the rancid smell coming from the box was enough to turn their stomachs.

Due to the size and smell, they all approached the specimen container with caution, Matt was already calling the Professor's office to inform him that a specimen had arrived, as their department had been informed he had a specimen arriving during the current working week.

Matt had only just put the phone down, Omael and his lab assistants were heading down to help transfer the specimen, when the box practically exploded, a dirty cloud of pungent foul smelling smoke cloaking whatever was inside.

Even over their coughing as the smoke spread throughout the room, they all heard the loud and wet 'thunk' as the specimen fell from the conveyor belt and onto the tiled floor.

Some staff were smart enough to throw the few windows the mailroom had open, but kept the main doors firmly shut. They did not want this thing escaping, and it took several minutes before the smoke began to clear.

The sight of a very confused and scared baby Malboro shivering in the centre of the floor sent the staff scrambling to the walls.

"Ifrit's balls! What does the Professor want with a Malboro?!" Ugina shrieked, the Junon born and raised woman looking almost ready to fling herself out a window as they saw the ooze seeping into the tile, and no one wanted to know how long it would take to mop that mess up.

It only got worse when the said baby monster started crying.

"I don't know! Please tell me someone called Keith." Brandon winced, everyone was struggling to cover their ears as well as their noses, the smell was like a boggy swamp with decomposing corpses added to the mix.

Thankfully they didn't have to wait long, Keith and the Professor bursting through the door, both men equally shocked at the sight of the Malboro.

"WHAT KIND OF IDIOT DID YOU HIRE OMAEL?!"

"THERE'S ONLY ONE DEALER AND HE SAID HE ONLY SELLS SAMPLES! HE NEVER SAID IT WAS A LIVE SPECIMEN!"

"WELL HE'S A FRICKING DUNDERHEAD! HE USED CARDBOARD! CARDBOARD! UNWAXED AT THAT FROM WHAT I CAN SEE!"

"I SAID ACID-RESISTANT METAL! I SPECIFICALLY STATED HOW IT SHOULD BE TRANSPORTED!"

"WHO THE HELL DID YOU HIRE?!"

"RICHARD HISOCK! HE'S THE ONLY MALBORO DEALER I COULD FIND!"

"THAT GUY?! HE'S HIGH HALF THE TIME! HE THROWS CRACK PARTIES FOUR TIMES A MONTH! AND HE USES MONSTER VENOM AS SUBSTITUTES FOR HALLUCINATION EFFECTS!"

" _ **PLEASE JUST DO SOMETHING!"**_ The entirety of the mailroom shrieked, causing both men to pause in their screaming match and look to the Malboro who had stopped its crying and seemed to be staring at the two.

"Alright, everyone out. I'll get in contact with Matt when the mailroom is specimen free. Although we might have to replace those floor tiles entirely, and fumigate the entire room." Keith held the doors open, the employees snatching up their phones and wallets (there was no way in Hel they were going to take their bags that reeked of Malboro smoke) before booking it for the nearest employee bathrooms (to wash out the smell or to vomit, one of the two).

"Alright, someone find me a Ribbon. I only have a few Status Restore Potions on me and they won't last long under the effects. Poor baby, must have been so scared during transit." Omael began cooing at said monster.

Matt was the last to leave, just in time to pass Omael's assistants who were bringing down a specimen container (not a cage, only Hollander's office called it that) to transport the Malboro to their office.

Although he had no idea how they were going to coax the baby Malboro into it in the first place.

But a shower was the most important thing at the moment, his sister would kill him if he came home and reeked the apartment up.

 _The Malboro became a permanent resident of Omael's office, and from the rumors going around it seemed that the Professor had become somewhat immune to the venom the baby oozed from its pores._

 _Although most of the mailroom employees were left wondering how Keith knew so much about the dealer Professor Hojo had found dealing in Malboro specimens._

-o0o-

 _ **Incident #1**_

The most weirdest and baffling incident to date

It wasn't a package for a SOLDIER, one of the Professors, or any of the department heads.

It was, in fact, for a cadet.

The, by now, rather infamous little foster-brother of the Head Janitor.

It wasn't rare for cadets to get packages, sent from home or family friends, but Cloud Strife was of a different kind of brand.

He was from the same town Keith had come from, and from what little they knew about the cadet personally, despite his small and slender frame; he wasn't someone to be messed with.

The threat of Keith coming down like a wrathful mother dragon was enough to deter most trouble makers, but the few that were idiotic enough to ignore those warnings found the cadet had a great right hook and very bony elbows, perfect for jamming into the most painful of places. He was also a lot stronger than he should be, judging solely by appearance.

So when there was a package addressed for the cadet, the whole mailroom were curious about what on Gaia could be in the crate.

Especially since there was the sound of growling coming from said crate.

Matt did assure his coworkers that he had informed Strife's instructor about the package, and so the cadet was excused from his materia theory class in order to deal with the crate, so he should be there in a few minutes (as long as the elevators didn't decide to break down, again. It had already been stuck three times this month!).

But of course as usual, before the cadet arrived, the crate's lid went flying, as if a large gust of wind had blown it off, right into the ceiling where it remained stuck in the cheap material.

Well, at least they could finally have that stained section of the ceiling replaced, it had been like that for almost six months after one of Hollander's outgoing modified specimens had spat some neon blue bile with the consistency of gloop, that then hardened like concrete. It had to be chiselled off, and there were still little bits of it glued to the ceiling despite the many hours of overtime the janitors had to get it off.

Back to the matter at hand, the crate was open, and the contents of said box was more than eager to stretch its legs.

Said contents? A rather large Nibel Wolf, a bitch considering the lack of swinging when she jumped up to the edge of the crate to tip it over.

And a sled.

Which contained a total of five wolf pups, and what was most certainly a dragon hatchling.

Matt was wondering how the heck everything had fit into the crate, he wouldn't be surprised if something else leapt out at this point.

The dragon hatchling was making the same yips and howls like the wolf pups, which was rather alarming yet adorable at the same time. Well, the hatchling was certainly attempting, it's noises were a little more huffing and guttural.

The mama wolf was suddenly on the move now, the staff scrambling to get out of the way, some climbing onto the conveyor belts in their haste and pulling their legs up, not wanting to be hit by the clearly heavy sled the wolf dragged behind her.

The Nibel Wolf had almost reached the main doors, when one door swung open to reveal a blonde haired, blue eyed cadet who was the reason the crate was there in the first place.

Instead of being horrified by the sight of a full grown Nibel Wolf coming at him, Strife did the most unexpected thing (well really, it was expected, people from the Nibel mountains were strange).

The cadet practically screamed "SASHA!" and dove at the wolf who began to immediately lick Strife's face and hair, slathering the teen in wolf slobber. Said cadet was crying _happy tears_ and babbling in his native Nibel. Which they all recognized as Nibel since Keith often swore in Nibel when having to wrangle some of Hollanders most troublesome outgoing specimens.

As the Nibel Wolf, pups and dragon hatchling were all preoccupied with the sobbing cadet, Matt was able to check the details on the crate, which showed the crate had been shipped out roughly a month and and a half ago.

When he peered into the crate, there were several containers of what must have been food and water, of which; all were completely empty.

While he was assured that Cadet Strife had things handled, Matt did call up Keith as a precaution.

However, once informed of the situation, Keith didn't respond as Matt had expected.

" _Cloud's got it handled, don't worry. But let him know I'll go and get a space set up for Sasha and her pups."_

"Ah, okay then."

Slipping his phone back into his pocket, Matt came as close as he dared to Cloud and relayed the message.

Thankfully the Nibel Wolf was too busy nuzzling against Cloud to be bothered to see Matt as a potential threat.

At some point the rest of the mailroom saw that the Nibel Wolf was no longer a threat, and so got back to work.

It did take Cloud a few minutes to coax Sasha out into the hallway, and once getting the room number from Keith via text, he departed with his furry (and scaly) cargo in tow.

 _The following week was weird for the SOLDIER department._

 _The only free and properly secure room had been a SOLDIER dorm, Cloud was excused from all his classes in order to help have the pack settled in._

 _At first the Lazard had been unsure about letting a SOLDIER room be used to house a pack of Nibel Wolves and a Nibel Dragon hatchling, but Keith and Cloud both explained Sasha's circumstances to the SOLDIER director, convincing him of the benefits of having the Nibel Wolf in the Tower._

 _Which Sasha proved when she physically dragged Sephiroth out of his office (Sephiroth had been curious about the wolf and Keith promised that Seph could see Sasha), all the way through the halls to the communal rec room on the SOLDIER floor, somehow dumping him on a couch from his rolling chair and huffing a signal that every SOLDIER knew by heart._

 _It was a signal for a medic, and once they got a medic from the infirmary, they all were then informed that Sephiroth had managed to break his ankle and then allowed it to heal wrong._

 _Sephiroth apparently had thought it had healed normally, and as it was such a minor injury, failed to report it according to the SOLDIER guidelines._

 _That lead to Keith chewing Sephiroth out, Cloud watching in bemusement and the rest of the SOLDIER's then realizing how Sasha was beneficial to their department._

 _Lazard had at least two squads demanding Sasha be made a permanent resident._

 _In the end, a contract was written up between Sasha and the SOLDIER department, Cloud acting as interpreter every now and then, resulting in Sasha having an employment contract that allowed her and her pups (including the Nibel Dragon Hatchling, whom everyone was convinced thought himself a Nibel Wolf Pup) to live in the room Keith had assigned them, a salary that would be used for the specialised food that wolves and the hatchling would require, and proper medical care._

 _While a normal vet would be fine for Sasha and her wolf pups, only Cloud or Keith could really care for the hatchling, so there was a special clause in place. So Cloud got a little pay on the side, as caretaker for Sasha and her pups, which also meant he got to spend every weekend in the apartment with authorised access to use any of the facilities on the SOLDIER dorm floor._

 _He spent the week in his normal classes and his assigned dorm, but could be excused at any time if Sasha required his assistance._

 _The fact that two days after the contract was signed, Sasha managed to save the life of a SOLDIER that had internal bleeding and hadn't realized, only cemented her place in SOLDIER._

 _Her place among the department only was strengthened when she became the official 'Den Mother', when she wasn't with her pups, she was often found roaming the halls to ensure her pack were all functioning according to what she deemed acceptable levels._

 _And so the Tower gained yet another batch of residents._

-o0o-

It had been roughly a month since Sasha had become the SOLDIER's den mother, and so far no incident had been able to topple her arrival that was number 1 on the list.

Marcus had the easiest job.

He placed stamps on the outgoing mail from the secretaries from the Public Security floor.

Nothing more, nothing less.

His job was so easy, he placed games on his portable console as he worked. Since the mailroom was always teeming with noise, he never bothered to use headphones, and always muted the soundtrack options on his games. He'd rather enjoy the soundtracks when his attention wasn't split between screen and envelope.

He didn't really understand why his colleagues didn't seem to notice his job was the easiest, but he was more engrossed in his horror games rather than workplace gossip.

Horror games were his passion, even though he literally jumped at every screech or scream that whatever game he was playing produced.

He was the closest to the main doors, so he always saw when Keith dropped by.

Marcus still didn't understand why Keith took one look at him, his work and his game, and said "Don't ever give up on stamp duty. And stick to the horror genre while on the clock."

Really, he had no idea why Keith said that.

 _Marcus only worked three shifts a week, due to working part time at the local game shop, and so happened to miss all ten of the current top incidents. Marcus was only ever aware of Hollander's escapees because everyone knew how much Keith hated Hollander for that, and Scarlet was known for her exploding inventions, even he couldn't miss the scorch marks on the walls._

 _So he thought those were a Tower wide problem, not just the mail department's._

 _Ah, sweet ignorant Marcus._

"How's things going Marcus?"

"Same old, same old, Matt. Must be tough as the department second." The department director, whose name and face was a mystery, but according to rumor they were the last of the original mailroom's employees that hadn't left the company.

Matt Holt was a cheery fellow, always up for a good prank and had a pleasant demeanour that set them all at ease. Which was why he was the second in charge. His father, Samuel Holt, was one of Omael's employees, although his passion was more space related than biologically based. His mother, Colleen, worked as a nurse and was one of the most feared among the medical department, as she could stare down the most stubborn of men who thought they could discharge themselves early. Even Sephiroth had trouble trying to sneak past her, which is why he avoided the medical department like it was riddled with a plague.

And his younger sister (only a few years younger than him) had worked her way up the ranks in the custodial department, as one of the four janitor's under Keith (nicknamed as his lieutenants). Katie was mostly known as Pidge around the Tower, an old nickname he came up with because she had an obsession with pigeons, even though she was 28 now.

"Hey, Marcus? Can you contact Keith for me please? His niece, Sephia, used his address for her Game Order again."

"Uh, sure. Will do." It was easier for Matt to leave the game orders with Marcus, so Keith could pop in and out to grab them, instead of delving into the depths of the mailroom where Matt was stationed in the centre.

"Thanks. Keep up the good work!"

Matt skipped off back towards his station, the limp in his left leg hardly noticeable (an injury from one of Scarlet's weapons several months back that was equipped with razor sharp blades), to the untrained eye but Marcus had been there for that incident. It was one of the few times Keith personally went to Scarlet and told her to not add any blades to experimental designs, it put the lives of the Mail Department employees at risk.

Marcus couldn't help but take a peek at the games Matt had slipped under his desk, and he found himself approving of Sephia's taste. They were the same as the ones he had recently bought, club recommended ones; in fact.

Huh, maybe she had a subscription to their club newsletter . . .

-o0o-

 _ **Omake**_

 _ **+1 Incident**_

Vincent hadn't thought this idea through.

Since he had been living in Nibelheim for so long, with only Omael and Keith as points of contact, he forgot how crappy the Shinra mail system was.

He was supposed to be in Cosmo Canyon, Chaos was itching to have a run around, but instead . . .

How. The Hel. Did he end up. In Midgar. And in the Administrative Research Department?!

Well, he would have to think of that later, he currently had a stunned ex-partner standing in front of the coffin he had shipped himself in.

This . . . was not how he wanted to meet Veld again.

Thankfully he had a Confuse.

 _Half an hour later and crawling through five levels of the ventilation system, he fortified himself in Keith's office._

 _It was the only place without security cameras, and not being found by security was worth having Keith laugh his guts out at Vincent's story. Keith had found it so funny that he didn't even set a price for retrieving Vincent's coffin from the Turk's department._

 _He didn't exactly mean it to become such a thing that the mailroom staff would end up simply adding it to their unofficial ruleset._

 _Rule No. 21: If a black, highly ornate, and expensive coffin held shut with bright hot pink cables comes through the mail; leave it alone and call Administrative Research to come and collect their resident vampire._

 _Looks like he had to stock up on his Status Materia._

 _Seriously, he was not ready to face Veld yet._

-o0o-

 _A/N: This, was a blast to write. ChaosBalance helped me get back into the groove, as it's been a while since I've last updated. University is over, my exams are finished, so that will mean I will most likely have more time to write._

 _Well, it's also time for job hunting, so my schedule here is unknown to me. But hopefully that means more time to write!_

 _I hoped you liked the chapter_ _ **NervousOtaku**_ _, I would probably would have not come up with this chapter idea by myself, and now I have the urge to go back and re-read the previous chapters to make sure things are linked up, as well as potential chapter ideas!_

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	29. Chp 26: Can You Stand The Heat?

**Chapter 26: Can You Stand The Heat?**

-o0o-

 **Summer's weren't an issue in Midgar. They had air conditioning.**

 **Right?**

-o0o-

 _At first this was one chapter idea, but then it became two._

Disclaimer: Characters belong to their respective owners and franchises. You know the drill.

 _P.S. For those who are confused about the chronological order of this chapter, it's set probably several months before the previous chapter. Some chapters are linked together, but the timeline can jump all over the place._

-o0o-

The tower's air conditioning broke.

In the almost always overcast city of Midgar, this wouldn't have been an issue.

Except it happened during the middle of the hottest summer Midgar had ever seen, the last time it ever got this hot was when the plates were being constructed.

Of course this meant that the tower, being the tallest building in Midgar, had almost full exposure to the sunlight, the thin layers of cloud seeming to make their torment only worse.

Normally the company that installed and maintained the Shinra Tower air conditioning would have been rung up to come and fix it, but their employees were all being run ragged as a good 50% of Midgar was suffering the same fate.

Which left it up to Keith and a few bunch of his more appliance-repair experienced janitors to try and repair the already shoddy air-con system.

 _He told the President the system needed an upgrade, but as usual . . . did he listen?_

 _No._

The heat was so unbearable that even the most obnoxious, fashion crazed secretaries threw their hair up into messy buns, rolling up their iron-pressed sleeves regardless of the wrinkles it would cause later on, and helped scavenge for every single fan the tower possessed.

The mail department suffered horrendously, and the Weapon's Department gave up all attempts at getting any work done, their workshops were literally scorching hot.

The idea of even turning on a blow torch was enough to cause heat-stroke.

The SOLDIER cadet instructors cancelled all physical classes, and decided to focus on the theory based classes.

The cafeteria didn't even try to turn on the stoves, deciding to (for once) splurge a little and served up cold salads, anything offered was raw (even the barely passable coleslaw was devoured).

The Turks didn't even blink at the blatant breaking of uniform protocol as none wore the standard dark-blue suit, sleeves were rolled up as high as the material allowed, and Reno went a step above when he borrowed a secretary's skirt and only Veld raised an eyebrow at the crop top Reno had managed to dig up from Gaia's-knows-where.

Some of the more adventurous Turks did follow his skirt approach, and in the heat, none of them blinked an eye.

Even the Costa del Sol born employees were struggling to cope in the sweltering heat.

The only person who seemed to be enjoying himself; was Zack.

Given he grew up in the tropical town of Gongaga, this was like home to him.

If anyone had the energy to be pissed off, they would glared at Zack who wandered the building in his full SOLDIER uniform. But they were just trying to survive the heat, and didn't notice his chipper attitude.

However, there were two people in the building suffering more than most.

And that, was of course, the two that grew up in where?

An isolated, almost full year round snow covered town.

Nibelheim.

-o0o-

Keith was dying.

Figuratively of course.

He could deal with the heat of Costa del Sol, that was bearable and had tons of cold drinks. Plus the ocean!

But this, this heat that Midgar hadn't had in over 30 years, was testing every little piece of patience he had in him.

Here he was, working in the bowels of the building where the air conditioning's main controls were, the master switch one could say.

He, and his dedicated group of engineer inclined underlings, had been down here for an hour too long, trying to figure out what in the name of the Goddess had killed the whole system.

By the time half an hour had passed, they had all been sweating buckets, so by the time a full hour had passed, they had all stripped down as far as they could but clothed enough to satisfy the safety codes.

Which wasn't much to be honest.

Keith was already pushing it by only having his janitor jumpsuit zipped up to his hips and the sleeves of the upper portion tied around his waist, leaving only a tank top to cover his torso. He had already gained a few minor burns on his arms; it wasn't just the air conditioning's main system that was housed in the basement, but many other systems, like plumbing, electric and of course heating.

And to make things worse, the complete moron who installed the air con system placed a good majority of the lines that let out the returning air near the lines for the heating system. And as it was the returning airflow-lines that connected to the dehumidifier that was the issue, he had to get in very close contact to those heating pipes.

To make it basically torture, those pipes weren't . . . let's say they barely met the safety requirements, but the President didn't want to shell out the cash to make them truly comply.

But as his underlings were normal humans, and he was the only 'enhanced', as their boss and friend, there was no way he was going to let them be in that position.

So he let himself get burned, even though he was sure he was going to pass out from heat stroke at some point later on.

The only thing that made things bearable, was that he informed Angeal to watch over Cloud. At least someone could keep an eye out for his 'younger brother', Keith already knew Genesis would be hiding in the bowels of a theatre building in LOVELESS Avenue, Zack would be rejoicing in the heat.

Sephiroth . . . would most likely be defending his chocolate stash.

Given the lukewarms states of the drinks in the 'cold' vending machines, there was no way Sephiroth would be pried away from his freezer.

Omael was far too busy attending to the specimens in his lab, and as always making sure Hollander's specimens' weren't suffering from the heat wave either. Hollander was, mysteriously absent from work *cough*vacation*cough*, and so instead of leaving his lab in the hands of his incompetent interns, Omael had left Sam Holt in charge of his personal labs.

Leaving Angeal, the most sensible of the lot, as the only person he could depend on.

Keith had reminded himself to check in with Angeal on Cloud's condition every hour, but after the first ten minutes, that had flown out of his head entirely.

"When I'm done here, those gutter-brained, pigeon-liver'd - " His mutterings turned into a slew of Nibel swears that made Fletcher flush despite not even knowing what the curses meant, as they all attempted to find out where the air filters were located (because the damn person who installed the original system forgot to give them the blueprints).

They had come to the conclusion that the only reason why the system had broken down, was because the President, _**it was always the President**_ , had decided that the systems didn't need their yearly servicing.

As Keith had been rather more swamped with the various other incidents over the years (namely being Hollander), the air conditioning systems servicing had slipped his mind.

Given his position and the crap he had to deal with, no one could really blame him for missing that.

And he didn't know much about the system anyway, at Nibel they didn't need an air con, they needed heat.

So the conclusion they came up with to fix the problem?

Find the filters, clean them, and hope that did the trick.

Except it came down to the pipes being…. unique.

All the other systems in the building, all passing through the basement, meant space was tight. So the airflow-lines had to be custom-made to fit in along with everything else.

If the reason why the person that installed the system did it so poorly was because they were fed up with trying to make it work in this maze of pipes and wires, Keith's hatred for them would ease up a little.

But right now, he was more focused on cursing them out while his skin got singed.

"Thou leathern-jerkin, crystal-button,knot-pated, agatering, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, smooth-tongue, Mideel-pouch!"

Keith's cussing made all four of his underlings look to him in confusion, seeing that yet another patch of skin was a scorching red, and he had punched another hole into the wall.

"Um, boss, why don't we take a quick break? We've been down here for four hours."

Even the 2nd Class Costa del Sol born SOLDIER who had been casting small Blizzards to help cope with the heat was looking worn out, and a break sounded splendid right now.

But if Keith left, he knew he wouldn't want to go back in.

It was getting hard to even string a sentence together in his mind though . . .

"Alright, five minutes. Then we get back in."

Edwards, the SOLDIER and the other three janitors all sighed in relief, and they began to pick their way out of the maze of pipes.

However, as Keith had been wedged between hot pipes in a very cramped space for almost four hours, his body was not up to the task.

So when his knees buckled underneath him, and his entire left forearm made contact with a boiling pipe?

He let fly all the curses he could think of, in Nibel, Shakespearean (Genesis' fault), and every other language he'd picked up during his time employed by Shinra.

He was in pain, and that pain had to go somewhere other than through an electric pipeline.

" _You starvelling-you eel-skin-you dried neat's-tongue-you bull's-pizzle-you stock-fish! O for breath to utter what is like thee! You tailor's-yard-you sheath-you bow-case-you vile standing tuck! When I find the_ _ **joder**_ _with_ _ **mierda**_ _for brains who made this_ _forpulte_ _mess, I'm gonna drag that_ _fittetryne_ _, that_ **Мудак** _and let him know exactly what a branding iron feels like, that_ **Блять!** _Ah,_ **Ебать** , _I forgot to call Angeal . . ."_

It was at that moment, as Keith gasped for air, after the immense rant that had his underlings scramble back in fright, that he realised how little air he actually was intaking.

" _Someone, someone call Omael . . ."_

As his vision faded, the only thing he could think of, was he was going to get the President to fix the basement or he was going to murder the man.

-o0o-

Cloud was not okay.

Angeal, who Keith had asked to keep an eye on him, was supposed to get a call every hour, so Cloud knew Keith was alright. As someone who had also suffered growing up in that accursed mountain town, Cloud was just as concerned as Keith was about the stifling heat.

It had been four hours, not one phone call.

And given how Keith was down in an enclosed area, with all of the other's systems that kept the building running (barely), the heat would unbearable for a normal person, even with the SOLDIER's who were casting Blizzards spells, he couldn't imagine how Keith would be handling things.

At first, Keith had been just one of the staff in the Tower to him, a janitor in a blue jumpsuit.

Eventually he learned like all the other cadets, Keith wasn't one to be messed with, the rumors spread pretty quickly.

And then he had his first run-in with the feared Head Janitor.

Some fellow cadets from another squad had been harassing him, per usual.

Cloud didn't like any attention, and so let himself be bullied rather than react like he normally would have back in Nibelheim.

Break a few bones, steal a few supplies, scare the living daylights out of them . . .

So he had suffered in silence, while testing how much damage he could deal with.

And then Keith showed up.

To be honest, Cloud was more focused on the fact this guy was the spitting image of someone he had heard of back in Nibel. Someone he got compared to a lot, and his mother only managed to fill in a few gaps.

He got more information from the weird vampire guy living in the old Shinra mansion.

Although every time he asked why the vampire guy, _who he called Vin_ , hated alcohol, the red-eyed man shuddered and muttered a name under his breath.

That name, had been Keith.

Keith, was a common name, and so when he was told the rules when he first became an official cadet, the name of the janitor he should not, piss off, Keith Kogane, didn't mean much to him.

But now he had seen the man in person, compared him to the descriptions in his head _from both the townsfolk, his mother and Vin_ , it turned out, that this Keith? Was that Keith.

After seeing his bullies get so easily cowed, being given hot chocolate and a safe place to hide if need be . . .

Well, he took what he could get.

And he wanted to see why Keith was so important to Vin.

Eventually he got swept up in the habit of most of the staff that actually had common sense, seeing Keith as a father figure. He ended up calling Keith 'Baba', and often found himself wondering what life would have been like if Keith had been there in Nibel with him.

He found himself more and more drawn to Keith's office, just any time he could get during the week, to be in his presence. Someone who knew exactly what it was like to live in Nibel, an outsider stuck in a racist town.

Cloud found himself easing up around Keith, so much that he let his false mask drop, little by little.

Keith wasn't bothered at all, it was as if he had been waiting for Cloud to let down his walls, and in return, Keith was doing the same.

Keith was more than happy to show his flaws, when he needed to rant, fully rant with curses and drinking, he asked for Cloud. He couldn't go to Sephiroth because he didn't need to let Seph learn those swears, and if he went to Omael it would feel all wrong because Vincent wasn't there.

Cloud was the only other one beside Omael who knew how much Keith missed 'Vinnie' and was dying to get out of the Tower, let loose a little, take the vacation he sorely needed. But the Tower would literally halt in its tracks, it went crazy when Keith wasn't around to keep it going, the literal heart of the company.

So he was glad to be the one person Keith could go to; like one brother to another.

That's what they were.

Brothers.

And there wasn't anything in the world that would make Cloud give that up.

So when Keith hadn't called exactly like he had promised?

Cloud knew something was wrong.

 _He was right._

-o0o-

Sephiroth had one sole focus.

To protect his chocolates from melting.

But the moment he got a call from Omael, telling him to get to the President's office pronto, he knew something was terribly wrong.

As it was the President though, he had to unfortunately change his attire (the skirt and crop top where a small slice of heaven in the heat) to the thinnest pair of pants he could find, and a button up. He didn't even give his boots a glance, just throwing on some jandals he had lying around (Zack's fault probably) and headed out.

He ran into Tseng along the way, the Turk's Second-in-Command looked absolutely furious. Apparently Tseng could tell he wasn't clued into the situation given the confused expression on his face.

"Keith's in the infirmary."

Sephiroth halted in his tracks.

" **What."**

"They had to used Blizzard materia on his arms, once they've got his temperature low enough they can put him in an ice bath."

" **The."**

"The pipelines down there are a mess, Keith's tried for years to get the President to fix the systems down there."

" **F*ck."**

Tseng apparently now realised how icy Sephiroth's tone was, almost running into Omael who came around the corner.

Both of them wisely moved out of the way when Masamune flashed into existence.

" **This is a declaration of war."**

The President's screams were sweet, _sweet_ , music to their ears.

Even the guards were too tired from the heat to be bothered to move.

-o0o-

In the end, the President promised to hire someone to take a look at the mess in the basement.

 _What they didn't know was the most competent of those he hired would take one look, turn back to the President, ask "What were you smoking when you hired the guy that designed this?!" and flee before even the Turks could stop him._

By the time Sephiroth had calmed down, joining Omael and Tseng to make their way to the infirmary, Cloud was already there along with a pinch-faced Angeal. Zack had gone down to help Edward and the other janitors with the pipes; the moment he saw the condition Keith was in he wasn't letting his Dad go back down.

Seeing as their only option was to punch a hole into the pipes to even find the last few filters, Zack was more than happy to punch a hole. The President could pay for the damages out of his own pocket, Tseng would assure that.

Genesis had dragged himself out of the theatre the moment he got the text from Angeal, bursting in a split second after Sephiroth, and began to ask what he could do.

Given Sephiroth's emotions, he was not in a fit state to use materia, and so Genesis took over casting, building a thick layer of ice over Keith's burn riddled arms before declaring he would deal with the heat problem and sped off to the roof. Angeal reluctantly left to make sure Genesis didn't go overboard, leaving them with a deadly silent Cloud.

"Um, he's cool enough to put into an ice bath now." A meek voiced nurse announced, Sephiroth and Tseng almost leapt forward to help but found Colleen Holt shoving them back, stating she had the medical qualifications, not them.

She only allowed Cloud to help lift Keith into the ice bath they had set up in a private room, they all felt a sense of relief as the deep red flush on Keith's skin began to lighten.

"He should make a full recovery, and with a little Materia, no burn scars." Colleen was happy to inform them, before slipping out and placing a **DO NOT DISTURB** sign on the door handle.

They all made themselves comfortable, sitting as close as they could to the ice bath to check Keith's color as well as gain a little relief from the coolness the bath provided.

It was only a few minutes later that they felt a surge of magic encompass the building, and the following chill that swept through the halls.

 _They would later find out that Genesis had summoned Shiva and iced the entire outer layer of the Tower._

 _That, at least, dealt with the heat._

-o0o-

Keith . . . felt cool.

 _Huh. That last thing I remember . . ._

 **Why was he looking at the white plastered ceiling that he knew belonged to the infirmary?**

"He's awake!"

" . . . . Cloud?"

 _Where was his uniform? And why was his skin damp?_

"How are you feeling?"

That was Tseng.

" . . . Um . . . kind of . . . my brain feels like mush."

"Probably because of the heat."

"How much do you remember?" Omael had a calm expression on his face, but Keith knew that look. Omael was seething on the inside, on the verge of lashing out at the next person to piss him off.

"Uh, I meant to call 'Geal . . . we really need to get blueprints- " He turned to look at Tseng.

"Can we sue whoever installed the systems down there? We couldn't find the blueprints, I don't even think there were blueprints!"

Normally his raised voice wouldn't have been an issue, but the door flew open and Colleen Holt was storming in.

"He needs rest. Not an interrogation the moment he wakes up!"

She was shoving Tseng and Omael out the door, Sephiroth was a silent statue in the corner of the room, glaring at a spot in the floor as if it had personally offended him.

Angeal was standing near him, keeping an eye on Genesis who was out cold on a cot next to him, looking like he was sleeping off magical exhaustion. Probably a summon given he wasn't even flinching from Colleen's shouting.

"Why. Are. You. So. Reckless."

Keith froze, slowly turning his head towards the person he should have expected to be there in the first place.

"Cloud." 

Yeah, his little bro was pissed.

"You. Were down in there. For four hours. I was close to passing out after the first hour, and only in half the heat of what's down there. According to Zack."

Speaking of Zack . . .

"Uh, is this a bad time?"

The Pup in question, was poking his head through the door, a strained smile on his face.

"Wait. Four-four hours? It was that long?!"

"Keith, how much do you remember? Edward said you started swearing in a different language." Zack slipped into the chair that Tseng had been forcefully evicted from, resting his arms on the bed as he stared at Keith's arms as if searching for something.

"Bits, and pieces? Finding out the heat pipes are right next to the air-con system? Worst. Mistake. Ever. We really need to sue someone for that. Filter's were the issue, the Pres is so stingy, he didn't pay for yearly maintenance. He could have, and we wouldn't have this problem."

Sephiroth began to mutter darkly under his breath, Keith could hear the President's name mixed in with a few swears that Keith felt the urge to grab a bar of soap to wash Seph's mouth out with.

"What else?"

"Burning . . . burning? _Dritt!_ " Keith shot up, which he regretted immediately as his head rung like a church bell tolling, a hand was pressing him back down, silver strands indicating it was Sephiroth who had moved from his silent vigil.

"Your arms are fine. Genesis saw to it himself, even though he was an idiot doing so after summoning Shiva." Sephiroth's voice was tight, as if he was fighting to keep himself from shouting.

Keith could see Genesis out of the corner of his eye, the auburn haired SOLDIER almost looked dead but his chest was rising, indicating he was breathing. From what he could see of his arms, there was not a single mark.

And he remembered feeling burns on almost every inch of skin on his arms, and he was sure his entire left forearm would have had 1st degree burns.

But his arms were are smooth and unmarked as they had been before that morning.

 _Hang on . . ._

"Shiva? Gen summoned SHIVA? In this heat? She didn't curse him did She?"

"No. Genesis was furious when he heard what happened. She understood why he was so desperate to summon Her." Angeal spoke up, placing a yellow ball of fluff and a familiar large purple lizard who were both eager to see Keith was alright, on the bed.

Cronkle made a very annoyed grumble as he settled onto Keith's chest, Mini-Cloud chirping where he made his perch in Keith's hair.

"I'm good guys. Sorry for scaring you." He would have pet both, but he literally had no strength in his arms.

"No working. For a week. Colleen's orders. I will sit on you if I have to." Cloud sounded determined, and Keith knew Cloud would follow up on that promise.

Well, if it was Colleen's orders, he wasn't getting out of it

A week off didn't sound bad though.

"Alright. But I'll need root beer."

"No problem."

-o0o-

 _ **Omake**_

Tseng, along with many of the Turks, were more than happy when they found the man who had been put in charge of designing that maze of pipes and wires.

What they didn't expect to find out was that the man had been given an impossible budget and a ridiculously small amount of space. It was literally a miracle that he even got everything working; even he didn't expect it to last more than five years.

The accusations that he had done everything he was told to; he kept on budget and used all the space allotted, so he didn't expect the President of Shinra to go back on his bargain to not 'disappear' him if he kept to the requirements; was a little shocking.

This; was good blackmail to use against the President.

If it was anyone other than Keith who had been hurt in the incident, the Turks wouldn't have gone to this extent.

But it was Keith, and given how important the janitor was to the Turk Company Internal Information Network, the Turks were out for blood.

 _Seriously, they got more info from Keith than their actual sources. And that was INCLUDING Second-Class Staff Sergeant Kunsel from SOLDIER Logistics._

It would seem they needed to keep an eye on the President and how far he was willing to go to keep his money for himself.

 _Unfortunately, the next incident involving Hollander provided that information. There wasn't a limit to how far Shinra Senior would go. He even had his own heir afflicted with the tainted Mako, without any care at all._

 _The sad thing about it all, was that when they needed to use that information, there had been quite a lot._

 _Far too much for a single man to atone for._

-o0o-

 _A/N: This all happened because at the time, my house was sweltering hot and I had to pull out an electric fan into the lounge. And then my mind decided to go: What if the air conditioning in the tower broke?_

 _As I have no idea how an air con works, I went to the internet. And also for the foreign swears._

 _The second chapter idea was about Keith and Cloud's relationship evolving._ _ **ChaosBalance**_ _pointed out in the last chapter Cloud was seen as Keith's little brother, and remembered he called Keith 'Baba' in the Nickname chapter. So to rectify things, I planned to dedicate a chapter into explaining how their relationship changed, but it ended up in here instead. I think it went well, so I'm happy with the end result._

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	30. Chp27:HojoHasAFriend AShockingDiscovery

**Chapter 27: Hojo Has A Friend? A Shocking Discovery**

-o0o-

 **How did the Tower react to the new Head Janitor?**

 **Well . . . he certainly was different, that was for sure.**

-o0o-

 _And we're taking a peek back into the past!_

Disclaimer: Characters belong to their respective owners, as per usual.

-o0o-

The Head Janitor had been replaced.

Not that many people knew about that until they began to notice that things had begun to change.

No one really noticed the custodians, they always worked after the usual business hours, made brief appearances in bathrooms and offices for those late workers, and cleaned up the spills in the labs.

The mail department noticed the change first, given they were on the lower scale on the corporate ladder, but when the old Head Janitor (at this point no one remembered his real name and just called him Henry) announced that he was retiring to Kalm, and shoved a young blond man in front of them, declaring this was the new Head Janitor, they took it at his word.

For all they knew was that he found the employee on his way down and picked him to be his successor (the President didn't really care as long as someone was in charge of the janitorial department), but made note that this 'Kogane' was the new person in charge and so if they had any janitorial issues, he was the first person to go to.

Henry was really the only janitor besides some others that interacted with the mail department

Hank Garrett (29), was one of those few that they knew on a personal level, and most of those that knew him, knew that Kogane had been assigned under him for some months, and from what they had heard, he was a dedicated worker.

So they knew they would be in good hands.

 _They didn't realise how good Kogane was until he was helping them wrestle one of Hollander's outgoing specimens into a secure cage._

-o0o-

Reeve was quite sad to see Henry go, as he often had to work late hours due to being severely understaffed, he had many good conversations with the older man. But Henry was pushing it in years, and his granddaughter wanted him to spend his last few years with her and her children in Kalm.

Unfortunately Henry had left before being able to introduce his successor to Reeve, and so Reeve had to go seek out the new Head Janitor so he knew the rules for the Urban Development Department. Only Henry and the more experienced janitors cleaned up in his department due to trainee janitors causing more harm than good when doing their work.

He had expected to find Henry's successor being Garrett, David O'Neil (despite his obsession with things being exactly the way he left them, the man was good with budgets), or even Billy O'Greene (who happened to be a cousin of O'Neil).

Instead he found an ash blonde young man who had to be in his early twenties behind Henry's desk, reading through a stack of papers with a highlighter in hand. The papers looked like the janitorial instructional manual, which truly needed an overhaul.

He had heard Henry grumble about it all the time, but the President didn't want to pay someone to simplify it. In a normal business, there wouldn't even need to be a manual, but as their company was not a normal one, given there being labs for the Science Department, immensely dangerous workshops for the Weapons Department, the SOLDIER Department (which needed no explanation there), and then the Medical Department, there was a need for a manual.

As said manual was over 200 pages long, Reeve didn't want to know how long it would take, and how much it would cost the company to rewrite it as well as print at least 5 copies for the janitors to refer to for each floor.

The blonde looked like he had gone through at least 80 pages (there were at least five highlighters in the small bin by the desk), Reeve wasn't sure if he wanted to know how long that had taken.

Before he could even knock on the open office door, ice blue eyes shot up and locked on him, an expression of what seemed like relief on his face.

"Director Tuesti. How may I help you?"

 _Reeve didn't know how, but he ended up being roped into helping rewrite the rest of the manual._

 _Although the hot chocolate he got in return made the four hours all worth it._

-o0o-

Tseng first meet the new Head Janitor in the most oddest of circumstances.

He was only 26, a fresh new Probational Turk, and he had been assigned to guard the President's office.

As it was his first day without being under supervision of an official Turk, he was nervous.

He had already gone over the procedures that he had to follow under certain circumstances, repeating the rules and regulations, who was allowed in the President's office, as well as who had access to said office, about ten times under his breath in the first hour of his six hour shift.

However, none of those protocol's covered how he was supposed to react when he was faced with a very determined looking man in a janitor's uniform came storming down the hall, headed straight for the President's office.

He had seen this man around once, chatting with the office ladies in the budgeting department, a janitor's cart parked in the hallway. So he was sure this man was a company employee, but what reason would a janitor need to see the President?

Given he had gotten up to the President's floor, he had the clearance, and the only employees with those security credential's would be the heads of departments and the highest ranked Turks.

So this man did have clearance, which in his mind meant that he shouldn't bar this employee from the President's office.

Given the stack of papers in one of the man's arms, Tseng was glad he didn't have to be present to what was about to occur.

The janitor yanked the office door open, giving Tseng a brief smile before striding into the room beyond.

Even though the walls and the doors were almost thick enough to soundproof the room, over the next three hours, he heard muffled shouts and papers being shuffled around. By the time four hours had passed, he heard a small whimper.

The door opened.

"Thank you for letting me take up so much of your precious time, President Shinra."

The janitor exited the room, holding a slightly decreased stack of papers in his arms, and a broad grin on his face.

As the janitor walked past him, Tseng's replacement arrived, and he found himself standing in the same elevator with the blonde man (who happened to be a few inches taller than him). It was slightly awkward, Tseng was itching to know what the janitor had done and said to made the President sound so meek.

Apparently that was evident on his face, as the janitor let out a small chuckle before showing Tseng the paper on the top of the pile.

"Janitor's manual. It's a mess. Prez won't shell out cash to have it fixed, but if someone fixes it up, points out the errors and the percentage of accidents related to said faulty manual? He's got no choice but to update the manual, 'cause if he doesn't that shows he doesn't give a damn about his employees. Not good for company moral."

Given the shark like grin on his face, Tseng found himself wondering why the heck this man wasn't a Turk.

In the Turk Department, the President's stubbornness and greed for money was a well known fact, and only the Head of the Science Department and Veld could persuade the man into doing anything.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to befriend this man.

"Tseng. Probational Turk."

He stuck his hand out, their was a split second of suspicion in those calculative blue eyes, but it was gone in an instant, a warm smile on the man's face as he took Tseng's hand in his.

"Keith Kogane. New Head Janitor, at your service."

Tseng had a feeling things were going to change around here.

And he knew exactly which side he wanted to be on when that change happened.

-o0o-

Sephiroth was bored.

He had gone through all his drills, tests and assigned homework, and there was only another four hours of daylight left.

His instructors had already refused to let him spend more time in the training rooms, he was already in excess of his acceptable number of hours allowed for physical training during the week, which left him with nothing to do.

Professor Hojo, who insisted on Sephiroth calling him Uncle, had promised to spend time with him that afternoon, which was why Sephiroth had been so eager to finish his written work. But the other Professor that Uncle was more than happy to gripe about had caused a mess, which meant Uncle had to regrettably send him a message through an assistant (he liked Samuel Holt, the sandy haired man had two kids who were the youngest people he had ever interacted with, but he liked Katie more than Matt), that he was held up with work.

So he found himself sitting in the communal kitchen on the science departments level, staring blankly at a wall until he could come up with an idea of what to do.

He had most likely been sitting there like a statue for five minutes- _five minutes and twenty seconds counting-_ when he heard the sound of footsteps.

He knew the footsteps of all the employees on this level - _Uncle was more heavy footed on his left, having broken his knee during his apprentice days, Samuel took quick light steps, a habit as his children would jump him the moment he returned home -_ but these footsteps were ones he didn't recognise.

One had to have clearance to access this kitchen, so either it was an employee that had swiped or borrowed a card, or a janitor.

He glanced up from the suspicious mauve green blotch in the east corner of the kitchen by the fridge, his chemical green eyes locking with icicle blue.

The eyes _~ snow and dusty tomes ~_ belonged to a rather tall man clad in janitor blue, with ash blonde hair, a colour he had never seen in his life ~ _shining stars and roaring mountains ~_ and he found himself curious as to whom this man was.

The man seemed just as curious going by his expression - _Sephiroth still had issues trying to recognise curiosity and confusion -_ and for the first time in his life, he made an impulsive decision.

He walked straight up to the man and said "Can you keep me company?"

The man blinked, staring down at Seph for a few seconds. He found himself growing uncomfortable at the height difference between them, having to crane his head back in order to see this man's face.

Apparently that was evident on his face, as the man crouched down onto his knees, exactly face level with Sephiroth.

Now that he could see those blue eyes up close, he seemed to recall something, a small snippet of a memory.

 _~ Large mountains covered in white, a warm hand ruffling his hair, and blue eyes the colour of icy waterfalls melting under a fiery flame. ~_

He had to know who this man was, and why it brought up memories that had receded into the depths of his mind.

"Sure, I can keep you company. I'm Keith, and you are?"

 _Keith. That name . . . it sounded . . . warm?_

"Sephiroth."

Keith had a smile, a small smile on his face, one like the smiles Uncle gave him - _fond -_ and reached out with a pale hand, fingers ruffling through Sephiroth's shoulder length hair.

Unlike how he would flinch when Samuel or one of the interns would touch his hair, he found this man's touch to be soothing, almost familiar to him in a way he could not describe.

 _~ "Omael? Is his hair - - that colour? It's - spun silver."_ _ **"It - be a side -. I'm still running tests. His father's - - black with a purple sheen, - - mother's was - - light brown with blonde highlights."**_

This man, this Keith . . . Sephiroth knew him.

-o0o-

Samuel Holt was aware that Henry had retired, and that a blonde man had taken his place. However, he didn't expect to meet the new Head Janitor in the science department's kitchen, with the nine year old Sephiroth sitting on his lap.

Said nine year old was talking a mile a minute, a slight lisp as he spoke. A complete 180 degree turn from the child he knew, who barely said more than ten sentences on a good day.

"Um, am I interrupting?"

The blonde man looked up, and Samuel recognised who it was immediately. How could he not? Keith had been the one to find his kids, who had gotten lost during the rare days he could bring his kids into work. Katie (17) and Matt (21) were fascinated by science, and Omael was more than happy to encourage the younger generation.

"Oh, hello Sam. Seph here was just telling me about the books you let him read. He's memorized the entire star map; the little genius!"

Samuel was more than surprised to see Sephiroth look embarrassed, and yet prideful at Keith's praise.

"Ah, well, the little genius has to head off to bed. Hollander's mess is going to take a little longer than we thought, so Professor Hojo asked if I could tell him."

Sephiroth pouted.

He actually pouted.

"You heard Sam, time to go to bed."

Placing Sephiroth on the floor, Keith ruffled the boy's hair before pushing him over to Sam with a hand.

"But Big Brother!"

Samuel tried not to choke, he had never seen Sephiroth become so attached to someone so quickly!

"I'll see you tomorrow. I promise."

"Pinky promise."

 _Samuel forever had the image of the tiny nine year old exchanging a pinky promise with the newest department head burned into his head, and when he told Omael what had happened later on that night, the Professor just laughed._

-o0o-

The Shinra employees introduction to the newest department head was . . . memorable.

The general staff had been collected up, with the promise of decent coffee and cake, so the 6am meeting wasn't that bad.

Most of the staff were aware of who Keith Kogane was, he was one of the taller janitors, young enough to play ignorant but old enough to wield authority without being questioned.

So when the blonde janitor walked in, with a silver haired child that only a handful of them had seen around the tower - the pride and joy of the SOLDIER project - clad in SOLDIER blue, perched on his shoulders…...

They all stared, not a peep as Kogane strode to the front of the room, the child looking extremely comfortable and more expressive than they had ever seen him.

"Mornin'!"

The blonde had a sunny smile on his face, making most of the budgeting secretaries coo, they were like a bunch of grandma's and always had baked snacks on hands, insisting he was far too skinny.

"You all know me. I'm Keith, and Henry put me in charge of the janitors. Same office, just a different occupant. So, if you have any quest - "

"Big Brother, I'm hungry and Parade is in ten minutes."

Everyone looked at Sephiroth, who had been sitting up straight but was now slumped over, resting his chin on Keith's head.

Gaia, even the most cold hearted person to ever walk the earth could not coo at the adorable sight.

 _And did Sephiroth call him 'Big Brother'?!_

"Just a little longer Seph. I'll shout you lasagna, huh? I have some left over from last night."

"You'ww get in twouble wif Unka Hojo."

 _Please, someone get this on tape! -_ That thought was running through at least 80% of the room's occupants.

"Only if anyone says anything. I don't think they will."

Keith turned his eyes on them all.

"Will you?"

They all vigorously shook their heads.

If they could see more of this adorable Sephiroth, then they would lie their asses off.

"Alright, meeting adjourned."

No one even mentioned how Keith popped a chocolate drop into Sephiroth's mouth on the way out.

 _Only one sharp eyed Turk noticed there was an orange streak of lasagna sauce on Sephiroth's shirt during Parade, and a slight brown chocolate smear near the corner of his mouth._

 _Omael was not happy at all, looking to Keith who just smirked and whispered "I introduced our little third to chocolate. Now he's hyper. Good luck."_

 _Sephiroth's instructors soon learned to curse Keith's name, every time they saw a chocolate smear when Sephiroth turned up for training._

-o0o-

It had been two months since Keith had become the Head Janitor, and it was around that time Omael was stuck with a project that required 24/7 dedication.

It was also during that time the Tower became aware of the rather _unusual relationship_ between the Heads of the Science and Janitorial Departments.

The entire tower had experienced about twenty of Omael's more . . . obsessive projects, and each time he scared the ever-living crap out of the SHINRA staff.

So when they heard he was starting another project, they all began to prepare themselves for the week that was going to be Hel. Because if they set Omael off, the man would go on a full blown rant, _one of the same proportions that Omael had when he found out about Hollander's Tonberry._

A general notice went out to the entire staff.

 **Please be aware Professor Hojo has begun a 24/7 project, it is advisable to both the staff and the Professor that he is not to be disturbed.**

Everyone put their phones on silent, and made sure to walk as quietly as they could on the floors above and below Omael's office.

 _It was four days into the Professor's project and everyone was on edge._

 _So when they saw Keith headed in the direction of Omael's office, with the exact same expression that Tseng had seen Keith made when he got the President to redo the janitors manual . . ._

 _They prepared for the worst._

When they saw Keith drag Omael out of his lab, greasy haired, dark bags under his eyes and his lab coat almost completely stained with whatever he had been working on, only Sephiroth laughed at the expressions everyone wore.

Because Omael was protesting, saying he needed to get back to his project, but Keith didn't budge, in the end throwing the professor over his shoulder and walking out of the building, not even flinching as Omael kicked and flailed.

 _The next day . . ._

Tseng was gobsmacked. He had seen Keith drag Professor Hojo out the day before, on his way back from his lunch break, and now he was seeing the Professor walk back into the building 24 hours later.

His clothes weren't the ones he had worn four days in a row, the lack of oily hair meant he had a shower (Tseng wondered if Keith had to force the Professor to take one), and the Professor was completely relaxed.

The Professor was normally hunched over all the time after his projects, so to see he was standing up straight was odd, and the fact he wasn't wearing his lab coat was even weirder. Actually, the Professor's clothes looked rather like some of Keith's, jeans and a singlet with a button up thrown over top . . .

Tseng managed to catch Keith before the janitor joined the Professor in the elevator.

"Did you make him stay at your place?"

"Yep. His apartment is always a mess during his projects, and I had to make sure he didn't sneak off back to his office."

"How . . . you two are that close?"

Keith looked as if he was mulling over what answer to give, and when a smirk rose onto his face, Tseng knew he wasn't getting a straight answer.

"Omael and I . . . we go way back. Oh, looks like the elevators here. See you around."

Tseng found himself staring at the elevator as it closed, wondering if he should, or should not inform his superiors of this.

 _He didn't need to, the news that Omael and Keith were close enough that the janitor could drag the Professor out of his week long projects?_

 _It had spread pretty quickly._

 _And when Hollander saw Omael in such casual wear, the man was so freaked out he ran out of his lab claiming sick leave._

 _But given the lab didn't explode that week because of Hollander's 'sick leave', things were good, no one cared that he didn't show up for work._

-o0o-

It became normal to see Keith around the Tower with Sephiroth in tow, and given how Sephiroth was acting more like a child his age, no one found it a problem for a janitor and the star of the SOLDIER program to be so close.

They kept it a secret inside the tower though, if it got out to the public, it could be a problem.

But everyone kept tight lipped.

There were only a few hiccups with Sephiroth's dependance on Keith; there was a minor argument between Sephiroth and Katie. It turned out Katie had a small crush on Keith and Sephiroth was not happy about that; Samuel managed to sort it out by telling Sephiroth it was a teenage crush, and when Katie finished her secondary education, she was a little embarrassed about it.

Given that Katie ended up working under Keith several years later, Sephiroth did sometimes tease the older woman about it. Keith always had to end the teasing when it started to turn into an argument.

 _Sephiroth never really grew out of his lisp, and over the years the lisp made several reappearances that some SOLDIERs caught when he was completely exhausted, and it was fricking adorable._

 _Whenever his lisp started up again, they mostly sent for Keith who would drag the General off so he could sleep. Sephiroth was much like his Uncle Omael, he was a workaholic too._

 _Zack easily understood Seph's lisp as he had a baby cousin that talked in the same manner, Genesis and Angeal had been around Sephiroth long enough to understand him._

 _Made all the more apparent when Sephiroth started up the lisp without realizing it when it was just the three of them in one of their apartments for movie night. It had startled them when it happened the first time, but eventually they got used to it._

-o0o-

 _ **Omake**_

Sephiroth had been taking a lovely little nap in Omael's office, Keith had promised to tell him about the Nibel dragons, as his memory on meeting the hatchlings - and a dragon flight - had been fuzzy.

Keith was always prompt on the dot, 1300 hours, just after his lunch break.

" **OMAEL, I JUST GOT A LETTER FROM VINNIE!"**

He was not prepared for his big brother to come bursting in, waving a letter in his hand, causing Sephiroth to let out a shriek and fall off the couch.

"Holy! Seph! You okay?" Keith was scooping him off the floor, hands running through his hair to check for any bumps.

"Mmm, that feels nice."

Keith snorted, despite Sephiroth's allergy to cats, he often acted like one.

"Alright, alright. Little genius."

As Seph fell asleep, he wondered . . .

 _Who was Vinnie?_

-o0o

 _A/N: This was a chapter idea I had written up ages ago, but other prompts and university studies got in the way, so I'm glad I finally got this one done! With help from_ _ **ChaosBalance**_ _of course._

 _Well, I hope you enjoyed getting to read about mini-Seph and a younger Tseng, little bit of a throw back._

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


	31. Chp 28: A Power Company Without Power

_**Chapter 28: A Power Company Without Power**_

-o0o-

 **SHINRA is like any other company, it has its bad days.**

 **But how ironic is it for a power company to be without power?**

-o0o-

 _Another chapter, another crisis._

 _And Perry makes a reappearance!_

Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective franchises, as usual.

-o0o-

SHINRA Tower always had a crisis, there wasn't a day without something going wrong, some specimen escaping, an explosion in the weapons department, the list went on.

The staff were prepared for anything that a normal business would, computers systems crashing, printers jamming, the normal technical problems a business would have.

But there was one thing that the SHINRA Electric Power Company had never prepared for; a power outage.

They were a power company, they weren't supposed to have a power outage.

They did have some backup generators, which they only had to use when the company had started out, but ever since the company had expanded, they had no use for them anymore. The tower's backup generator had been left to collect dust.

So when the normal work day had begun, secretaries booting their computers up, Turks following up missions through online trails (most of which had been working through the night), and the mail department scanning parcels . . . .

The secretaries were puzzled when their computers didn't turn on, the Turks stared blankly at their black screens, the conveyor belts in the mail department stopped rolling . . .

Naturally the secretaries and Turks went to phone the IT department only to find out the lines were dead.

Matt had wisely sent a text to Keith, so he was the first to find out that the power had cut out.

The Tower was powered by its own mako reactor, so the rest of Midgar luckily didn't experience the same blackout (none of them wanted to know the amount of complaints they would have gotten from the public), and so it was the only building in the whole of Midgar that was without power.

The maintenance crew for the mako reactors were baffled that the Tower's own reactor had experienced an issue, and so set out to find out what had happened. Leaving the rest of the tower at a complete loss at what to do.

They had no power, and so about 92% of the staff weren't able to do their work.

The remaining 8% just so happened to be the entire janitorial staff.

Keith had tried to get the backup generator working, but given it refused to turn on at all plus he was pretty sure it would blow up if messed with, he made a note to have it removed and replaced.

Due to security issues, none of the workers could leave and complete their work at home, the Tower didn't have an online network that staff could access from home. Also, the Tower didn't have a shared network as the Turks had made a huge fuss about it being a way for hackers to access confidential documents.

The scientists were all too busy trying to salvage what they could of their time sensitive experiments, Omael was cackling as he watched Hollander and his interns run around trying to save their work, he and Keith had installed a generator that ran independently from the Tower's power grid, so he and his lab was perfectly fine. And he made a point to all that begged to use said generator that if they wanted to waste millions of gil of scientific research projects just so they could curl their hair or add comments to an email chain of company gossip, then fine!

Those that asked immediately, wondering how on earth the Professor knew about the email chain.

 _Little did they know he liked to monitor said email chain, it was how he kept up with the current gossip as well as keeping an eye on Hollander._

 _Keith had far too much fun singling offenders out through the company gossip._

-o0o-

Perry liked his job.

Ever since he had been transferred from the mail department to the disposal department, he had fit right in.

No one scolded or freaked out when he dropped something, and he could really wreck what he dropped as it was already beyond salvaging.

That was the main point of the disposal department.

It mainly dealt with cleaning up after the weapons department, throwing out the garbage the janitors had already collected into the large rubbish bins.

Perry had been quite lucky to have even gotten a job in the mail department in the first place.

He was a typical 25 year old man who had barely passed high school education, born and raised in Midgar. He had never left the city, as his frail mother was all he had, and his only skills were his dedication to whatever he set his mind to.

Which wasn't much, as all the jobs he had ever had only lasted a week at most.

The problem was; Perry was astonishingly clumsy.

To the point it was baffling.

It was a quirk that he had inherited from his father, who had been as equally clumsy, and unfortunately it had been the reason for his death. His father had worked under Reeve Tuesti, mostly helping him out with his projects and had been part of the Recycling project the department head had been trying to have funded.

Perry's father had been down under the plate looking at the materials Mr. Tuesti had wanted to use in the project, but due to his clumsiness, had been buried by a scrap mound avalanche and subsequently died later in hospital due to his injuries.

Leaving Perry, who had just barely graduated highschool with his mother who had never worked a day in her life due to a hereditary medical condition that had been passed down in her family for ages, leaving her with very fragile bones. He couldn't remember the proper name for the condition, but his grandmother referred to it with the more common name of 'Bird Bone Syndrome', making bones almost hollow like a birds.

Thankfully Perry had showed no signs of the condition, although he was confirmed as a carrier for it. The condition tended to appear more in females than males, only one male in his mother's family had suffered from the condition (being his mother's great grandfather), so his mother had been relieved when he hadn't shown signs of the condition himself.

Mr. Tuesti knew all about Perry's situation, but due to his project being scrapped and many of his department's employees resigning, hadn't been able to contact Perry for over a year. A year in which Perry lost and gained over 20 simple jobs.

Thanks to Mr. Tuesti, Perry was able to gain a well paying job in the mail department, but he hadn't known of the horrors of said department.

Despite his clumsiness, Perry had been a part of the mail department for five years, with minor accidents that were overlooked, as the mail department needed all the help they could get.

It was when he dropped a package that stunk the whole mail department up so bad it needed a deep clean, that almost got him fired.

It was thanks to Matt and Keith's combined efforts that he kept his job, the two arguing that anyone else could have made the same mistake, Perry just happened to be the one who dropped it and compared to the damage other incidents had caused, this wasn't as serious. The smell had been bad yes, but no one was physically hurt, only in discomfort because of the smell.

The disciplinary board had no solid evidence to fire Perry, they had been waiting for years to get rid of him as they had all been aware of his father's prior employment with them, and they didn't want to deal with a lawsuit if Perry also perished during his employment with SHINRA.

Keith offhandedly mentioned the disposal department were understaffed, and Perry would fit perfectly in disposal. Plus, he couldn't break anything since everything that department dealt with was already broken to the point of no repair.

So yes, Perry was eternally grateful to Matt and Keith. Given the salary was slightly higher in the disposal department than the mail department, he was more than happy with his new job. The smell wasn't even that bad; after whatever had been in that package, his sense of smell had kind of dulled.

So when the power cut, he wasn't surprised that the SHINRA staff freaked out.

He had been part of the mail department, he knew all too well how much of the general staff relied on their computers.

"So, how much work do you think we'll be able to do today?"

Glancing up from what probably used to be part of Scarlet's failed projects, Perry found it was Jared who had spoken. Jared was one of his co-workers, actually he was the 2nd in charge, there really wasn't many in their department, at most they had 6 on staff during one day. He wasn't even sure if they actually 30 people in their department at max.

Perry and Jared had a sort of . . . weird relationship.

Jared was in awe of how clumsy Perry was, and Perry hated Jared's hair.

You see, Jared had the type of haircut that Perry had been obsessed with ever since he was a kid, the typical spiky anime protagonist's haircut. One that he had tried to replicate many times, and failed at.

No matter what hair salon he went to, his chestnut brown hair always ended up in a mess, looking like he had been in a fight with a washing machine and lost.

So he gave up on his dream, and then he met Jared.

Jared (who was 23), had no idea why Perry hated him from the moment they met, and Perry's hated for Jared only became worse when said man found out about the incident that got him transferred to the department. He seemed fascinated with Perry's skill in fumbling the most simplest of jobs, and followed him around on every single shift just to witness a fumble.

Which was weird, as Jared somehow managed to have the same exact shifts as Perry did.

"Dunno. Can't do much when the power's out, the Weapon Department's doors go on immediate lock down if the power's tampered with."

That was a feature Scarlet had insisted on after an incident, some fuses had gotten blown so one of her projects went out of control. Since the fuses had also wreck the motion sensored doors, the robot ended up wrecking an entire floor when it got out, the damages were so extensive that the President agreed despite the cost it took to install the lockdown features.

As 90% of the disposal department's job was cleaning up after the Weapon's department, there was really nothing else to do.

Keith would have texted Joe (their department head) if he got the all clear the disposal department had no work, no point sitting around and doing nothing.

"So . . . wanna go get lunch? I know a good Junon place that does combo deals."

 _Again, again with the lunch offer? Doesn't this guy get the hint?_

Every single time Perry had a morning shift, Jared would ask if he wanted to get lunch. But if Perry had to spend his nice quiet lunch hour in the presence of Jared, and his **fricking perfect anime hair** , he might lose it. Worse enough, Jared liked to change his hair colour every other month, it was currently a rather pleasing orange that looked bloody epic in the sunlight.

"You do know, I always bring my lunch with me?"

Jared must have been warm, his cheeks were flushed, and it did get quite humid in the lower levels of the Tower from time to time.

"I, you know, uh -"

Perry would have let Jared stammer on, but he was more focused on the sound he just heard.

 ***Squeak* *Squeaky-Squeak* *SQUEAL* *ScritchScritchScritch***

"Do you hear that?"

Jared cocked his head to the side, glancing up at the same vents Perry was staring at.

"It's just the Turks in the vents again. Man, even with the power outage, they're still training."

"Really? Do Turks make squealing squeaking noises? I'm getting the traps."

As they were on the lower levels, they had pest issues, and Joe's brother happened to be the owner of a small yet booming pest control business, so they got mouse and rat traps on a discount.

Perry couldn't say why he chose the largest size trap they had, the thing could have caught a Kalm Fang, but he did.

He was glad he did when there was a loud audible thump in the vents, so loud that Jared choked in alarm. There was a visible dent in the metal.

"WOAH, WTF IS THAT THING?!"

"I think it's a rat . . . and did you just say **WTF**?"

"RAT'S DON'T COME THAT BIG!" 

Perry would have responded, but the vents buckled and he could see the rusted bolts (they needed serious maintenance down here) shaking. If he knew the integrity of metal, which he knew well; he broke them often enough, those vents weren't going to hold.

"I'm calling Keith." He loved Keith, the Head Janitor was one of the few that actually cared for fellow employees, and freely gave out his number.

The line seemed busy though, given how much people were probably freaking out, the janitor was either ignoring calls or answering too many.

The vent broke.

Jared screamed.

"THAT THING IS THE SIZE OF A NIBEL WOLF!"

Indeed, it was. Jared was already scrambling up onto the nearest scrap heap, but Perry couldn't be bothered to move. He had seen worse in the mail department.

"Huh, it's got a tag."

"WHAT?!"

"Experiment 2245, Hollander. I thought he was done with rats after the 'Rock-Rat's' incident."

That's when Perry noticed something a little strange between the rat's teeth.

Little bits of plastic and rubber, like the kind you find on electric wires.

While the rest of the department, which consisted of Martha, Robert and Peter, freaked out as much as Jared was, Perry had finally gotten through to Keith.

"Hi Keith. How's things?"

The rat was currently chasing after Robert (who was an ass), Perry casually watching as the rat was hunting Robert down like a dog does a bone, while he chatted with Keith.

By this point, he was too used to Hollander's crap to care enough to freak.

" **I think I know why the power's out."**

-o0o-

Keith had been in heaven.

 _Not literally_.

You see, he had been waiting for this sort of thing to happen.

Generally when a large majority of the tower freaked out, he was never there to see it, given him being absent was the reason for the freak out.

So to be present when 92% of the tower were scrambling to have as normal a day as they could, was more than pleasant.

He had spent a good four hours just sitting in peace in his office, Sephiroth had turned up in half an hour to seek refuge, ending up sleeping on his couch as he wasn't plagued with documents to sign or print.

He had certain ringtones on his cell, assigned for the numbers that really mattered, so when he heard a ringtone he hadn't heard before, he wondered who it might it.

It was Perry.

"Huh, wonder what he needs."

Flicking his PHS open, he didn't bother to leave his office as Sephiroth was so dead asleep that a rampaging Grand Horn wouldn't wake him up.

" _Hi Keith. How's things?"_

"Eh, it's great. Just relaxing while watching everyone else freaks out. Is this what it's like when I'm not here? If it is, I should take leave more often. So, why'd you call?"

" _I think I know why the power's out."_

Keith sat up properly in his chair now (he had been sitting with his legs thrown over one of the arms), already reaching for his work PHS, that had been ringing non-stop since the power outage began.

"Give me what you got." 

" _Well, did you know that Prof. Holl was using rats again?"_

"Really? After the Rock-Rats I thought he was done with that."

" _I've got Experiment 2245 here, it's a rat the size of a Nibel Wolf, and I think those are chewed coverings of the power cords in its mouth."_

"Huh, I didn't know he's gotten that far. The last one I dealt with was Specimen number 2015. So, is it attacking anyone?"

" _Eh, just chasing Robert. It's really going after him."_

"Ah, Robert's allergic to dogs but they chase after him like a cat would with catnip. So I'm guessing Edmund did something with dog genes, could explain why the rat's that size. Do you need a hand down there? Cause if you've got things handled, I'll go let the reactor crew know about the cords."

" _I think I can handle it. I'll call when things are dealt with."_

"Thanks then, I'll pop down later then. Bye."

" _Yep, bye."_

Well, looks like the power cut wasn't going to be an all day one.

-o0o-

Catching the rat didn't take long, Perry used his lunch as bait and that thing went after it like a wolf lunging for its prey.

Whatever Hollander had done to the rat, it was enough that the trap didn't kill it, only pinned its neck down. Thankfully the blow was enough to knock it out, and Perry called up Keith to let him know the rat was caught.

Robert managed to squeak out a brief "Thank you." before passing out on the floor.

Martha and Peter headed off to get Robert out of their 'office' and into fresh air.

Jared gingerly descended from his perch, staring at the rat and then to Perry, that look of awe in his eyes again.

"What? It's knocked out, it's fine. When you've dealt with about twenty or so of Hollander's stuff, it becomes normal." Perry found himself saying, and wondering why the Hel he was trying to put Jared at ease.

"Oh. Okay. That's . . . good."

Nah, he was still freaked out.

"Keith should be down soon, so . . . it won't be here for long."

"Right."

They had probably stood in awkward silence for five minutes, just staring at the wolf-rat since there wasn't much else to do, before Jared decided to talk again.

"So, since the rat, ate your lunch, um, do you, want to get lunch?"

"That . . . um, okay."

It couldn't hurt to grab lunch with a co-worker for once.

-o0o-

"It's pregnant."

Jared shrieked and scrambled up his scrap mountain again.

"Are you sure?"

Keith looked at Perry with one eyebrow raised, as if asking him to say that again.

"Please, I've seen all manners of monsters and animals, Hel, I even helped a Nibel Wolf with its pregnancy. If I don't know a pregnant mammal when I see one, then tell that to the pack of dragons hatchlings I watched grow up."

"Okay. You're experienced. Should we get Professor Hojo?"

"Yeah, I rather not let Edmund get his hands on more specimens."

Keith flipped out his PHS and called up the Prof, explaining the situation while Perry tried to coax Jared back off his scrap perch.

The promise of lunch got him down the last few metres.

-o0o-

Perry and Jared came back to the Tower, which was finally back on the power grid, to find the disposal department cordoned off.

"Uh, what's going on?" Jared enquired, clutching his bag that Keith had thrown to him after zipping out the door.

"Well, turns out the wolf-rat, this isn't it's first pregnancy. It's had more than one litter. Which means we have to cordon off the department until we find them all. I've managed to persuade the president that you guys have paid vacation leave until this is all sorted out, so don't worry about not getting your usual salaries."

"Ok, that's good." Perry was glad to hear that, he needed that money for his mother's medication and bills.

"Since there's not much else to do around here, you may as well take the rest of the day off." Keith passed Perry's bag over, before shooing Perry off towards the stairs, insisting he go because Keith had already called his mother to let her know Perry was coming home early.

Since Perry was so intent on getting home to his mother, who fretted like no one else could, he didn't notice that Keith held Jared back, wearing a smile that would have had him worried.

-o0o-

"Jared. Jared, Jared, Jared. You, you are so -" Keith sighed, and Jared found himself utterly bewildered as Keith began to chuckle, patting Jared on the shoulder as if consoling him.

"Ok, here's the thing. Jared, a little advice from me to you, if you want Perry to notice, use a clue-by-four."

"C-clue, by four?" Jared had no idea what term Keith was talking about, but the janitor clearly had picked up on his 'pining' for Perry.

The thing was, Jared had a horrible crush on Perry.

The first moment he set eyes on the older man, he just knew there was something special about Perry. Perry was a box of contradictions; he was tall, well-built and rather strong, but super, utterly clumsy.

And his haircut, it was a mess, but in a way that only he found attractive, plus with his chocolate eyes . . .

The gap between Perry's appearance and his clumsiness, was utterly adorable.

Jared was so happy that Perry got transferred into the department, he wouldn't have run across Perry in any other circumstance. He never had any reason to be around the mail department, and he never took any routes that would cross paths with the mail employees.

"Okay, clue-by-four. Like getting hit by a two-by-four wooden beam, but in this case, a very OBVIOUS clue. I've only known Perry for a few months, but he's so utterly focused on his mother," Jared knew all about Perry's mother, Joe had informed him about Perry's mother's condition, so if Perry had to suddenly leave it was most likely to do with his mother.

"And he doesn't feel anything but annoyance for you because of your hair."

"My, my hair?" What did his hair have to do with anything?

Keith gestured to said hair, it wasn't Jared's fault his hair grew like this, it was like Fair and he had heard about some blonde cadet who had equally spiky hair, so he wasn't the only one.

"It's the classic anime protagonist hairstyle, something that Perry's been trying to have all his life. His mother is very talkative. So since you've got the hairstyle he likes, he's annoyed. And given you change the colour all the time, it sort of digs the hole deeper."

"Ah."

Okay, now Jared understood why Perry shot him irritated glances all the time.

"That's, sort of my sister's fault. She works at a salon, and I end up being her model all the time for her dye practices, on the days I'm off I help out in the shop. It's a family business."

At this, Keith hummed under his breath, and stared at Jared in a way that made him feel a little unsettled.

"When's the next day you're working there?"

"Huh?"

The grin Keith wore only got wider.

"I have a plan."

 _When Keith found out the salon Jared's family owned happened to be the one Perry's mother used, it only made things easier._

-o0o-

"Mother, I don't think this is going to help."

Perry had been hesitant when his mother had decided to drag him along to her hair appointment, she knew how disappointed he had been after all his attempts to get his hair styled the way he wanted, and so he normally dropped her off and came back after she was done.

But this time she had insisted he stay.

Stepping into the salon was like a stinging nettle, a reminder of a dream he would never achieve.

However, when he stepped into the salon, he was more than surprised to see Jared. It was the first time he had ever seen his co-worker outside of uniform. Out of uniform, he could see Jared was of a lean build, the dark green apron only making his pale skin more prominent, plus with his violet eyes and that **damn hair** . . .

Perry, had to admit, Jared . . . wasn't that, bad looking.

He would say, above average, but he really didn't take notice of people that much, his work and his mother came first.

"Uh, hi Perry." Jared gave a meek wave, but was shoved aside by a woman who had the same violet eyes as Jared did, and Perry found himself frozen as she grabbed his face between her hands.

"Holy Gaia! So you're the Perry my lil' bro keeps going on about. He really wasn't exaggerating about your eyes. They **are** like melted chocolate."

Perry heard his mother giggling behind him, but he was kind of in shock at the moment and wasn't focused on why she was giggling, but why Jared's sister was talking about his eyes.

"Ah, Gracia. Lovely to see you. Mom will be done shortly and we can start your appointment!"

"Thank you Kandis, it's lovely to see you as well. I'll just take a seat while you get more acquainted with my son."

"I'll just go make tea . . ." Jared whispered, but his sister reached back to catch him by the arm, a grin on her face that was eerily reminiscent to one of Keith's (the one that he wore when they won Perry's disciplinary case).

"Oh no, you aren't going anywhere bro. You've been pining over this man for months, and I am not having you moping around the shop anymore."

"P-pining? What?" Perry managed to stammer, how could anyone pine over him? He was clumsy, stupid, put his mother above everything else . . .

"Yep. He pines. All the time."

Jared at this point was a tomato-red, and Perry found himself worried about that color getting darker.

"Sugarplum, maybe you and Jared should have a chat. I'm not going anywhere for awhile." Perry glanced to his mother, who was smiling like how she used to smile at his father.

"Alright. But let me know the minute your appointment is over."

"I will."

-o0o-

Kandis just smirked as she watched her lil' bro drag Perry off to the backroom, she had seen Jared and his crushes before, and he had never been so obsessed over anyone like Perry.

And given what she had heard from Gracia about her son, Perry was a sweetheart, perfect for her skittish, fleety brother.

She would bet her motorbike that they would get together within the hour.

Plus Keith had paid her a bountiful amount of gil to give Perry's hair a treatment . . .

-o0o-

The disposal department was back up and running after two weeks, after they had discovered three litters running around and managed to capture them all.

Hollander had (of course) gotten chewed out by Keith and Omael, as he hadn't reported that a specimen had escaped the moment it had gone missing (according to the video logs it had been more than two months since it had escaped).

On a good note; Perry and Jared had officially been dating for almost 10 days, and thanks to Kandis Perry's hair wasn't as huge a mess as it usually was (Jared had thrown a fit when Kandis suggested a treatment that would make it lie flat), and they regularly ate lunch outside of work when Gracia didn't make lunch for both men.

All in all, something good had come out of the power outage.

-o0o-

 _ **Omake**_

-o0o-

Perry had taken to laying down traps in the vents as a precaution, Keith mentioning there may be one or two rats they might have missed, as they didn't have any indication of how big the litters had been.

So when a dusty yowling red-headed Turk came tumbling out of a grate, Perry wasn't that shocked.

The yowling; he wasn't shocked about the yowling.

He had been laying down medium sized traps, so they were large enough to do some damage on even enhanced people.

Given that there had been a squeaking noise coming out of the vents, Jared immediately bolted for safety as the rat incident had been only a month ago, but instead of the scrap mounds he now clambered onto Perry's back clinging to his shoulders.

It was a little embarrassing, but if Jared took comfort in it then it was fine.

"Awwww, my squeaky, yo."

"Then you shouldn't have something that sounds like a rat around here; try a fidget toy or a chewing necklace next time."

Perry didn't want to waste traps on enhanced SOLDIERs or Turks, they were meant to catch pests.

" . . . How'd you know I stim?" Reno asked (everyone knew who Reno was), squinting at Perry suspiciously as he began to remove the trap from the Turk's ankle.

"Jared has a cousin that does the exact same thing."

"Already met the family, yo?" The grin on Reno's face was irritating, so Perry let the trap snap shut again, causing the Turk to let out another loud yowl of pain.

"Whoops, butter fingers."

"You did that on purpose!"

Perry just smiled and properly removed the trap now, giving Reno's ankle a firm pat.

"These things are sensitive. Now GET LOST!'

Reno sat up with a yelp, Perry rarely raised his voice.

"GOING!"

The door collided with the wall behind it with a loud thud, and Perry let out a sigh of relief. Jared was actually kind of shy about their relationship, while he himself was blunt about it, so Reno asking details about it would make Jared uncomfortable.

"Thanks for that."

"No problem. You want noodles or rice for lunch today?"

"Noodles sound good."

-o0o-

 _A/N: Well, this chapter was born because_ _ **ChaosBalance**_ _ended up having a blackout, we postponed the writing sesh but it came back in time for us to get this chapter done._

 _And somehow as I was writing Perry, it somehow became the chapter Perry was going to have, and then Jared turned up. I then had the urge to smoosh the two together, and now there is another couple. That wasn't what was intended to happen, so apologies_ _ **NervousOtaku**_ _if that was out of the blue for you._

 _And the 'Bird Bone Syndrome' was something I just came up on the spot, I have no idea if it's an actual thing._

 _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


End file.
